A Forbidden Attraction
by TheCaneOfBates
Summary: Anna and Bates. With a twist. What if Anna were one of the ladies of the house? M rated chapters 8 and 12.
1. Chapter 1

_**My first time of sharing anything I have ever written so any reviews are gratefully received. Trying to make stories original after reading all the brilliant efforts on here is difficult. This idea popped into my head a few weeks ago and it's only now I've decided I'd share it. **_

_**Having always enjoyed the Sybil/Branson storyline, I imagined what it would be like if Anna or Bates were a member of the household rather than staff. So here is the result. **_

_**Lady Anna, daughter of Oliver Smith, Earl of Grantham, Lord Grantham etc (I'm thinking along the lines of Kenneth Branagh in appearance). Her mother, Victoria (Emma Thompson-esque) and her brother and heir Michael. **_

_**The story still runs along the same lines as the show. They live at Downton, Bates was batman to Oliver during the Boer War and comes to work as his valet. The major differences being the Crawley family have been replaced, there is an heir and Anna and Bates are different social classes. **_

_**Lets see how this goes...**_

**Disclaimer: **I do not own anything, most characters belong to Julian Fellowes, ITV, etc etc.

Here I was, standing outside the servants entrance to one of the grandest houses in Yorkshire. Me. John Bates. On my first day of work. Men like me don't deserve second chances. I didn't even deserve to breathe the same air as the Earl of Grantham and his family, let alone work for them.

I was an ex drunkard, ex prisoner, a thief in the eyes of the law and a failure as a husband. I was also a war veteran, the cane I cling to with my right hand and the throbbing in my right knee forever reminding me of that fact.

Serving with Lord Grantham, or Captain Smith as I had known him back then, as his batman. He was a few years older than myself, an experienced soldier for whom my respect knew no bounds. I put my life on the line to save his and received shrapnel in my knee for my troubles.

Receiving the call from him to become his valet was like the answer to all my prayers. Living in London, I needed to get away from it all, my problems and failing marriage becoming almost too much to bear.

Knocking on the door, I was becoming almost impatient as I waited what seemed an eternity for someone to answer. The more time I spent standing here on the doorstep, the harder I found it to believe this was really happening. My second chance. To put everything behind me and start again.

Reaching for the doorknob and twisting it, I was surprised to find the door open. Being a man of honour, or masquerading as one, I half thought about closing it again and waiting for someone. However, the late winter air drifting around me made me think better of it. Stepping inside, I closed the door behind me.

A long corridor lay ahead of me, footmen were busy hurrying around at the top of it, a female voice bellowing orders from inside the kitchen. Continuing down the corridor, I was met by a middle aged woman, a scowl on her face which I'm pretty sure was her permanent expression, coming down the stairs.

'Can I help you?' the woman asked, looking me up and down before her gaze fixed on my cane.

'I'm John Bates, the new Valet.' I replied, trying to remain as polite as I could. A blank face stared back at me. 'His Lordship should be expecting me.'

'I'm sure he is.' the woman snapped back. 'Although not in your current condition.'

I shrugged, unsure as to how to respond. Silence fell between us then before an older gentleman appeared at the top of the corridor. 'Miss O Brien, who is this man?'

'Oh, Mr Carson. This is Mr Bates, the new...' she stopped to take me in again. 'Valet.'

'Ahh yes, Mr Bates. Follow me. ' The older gentleman, Mr Carson, seemed a lot more accommodating. Following him into what seemed like the servants dining area, I was met by more staring faces. 'I trust you had a good journey, Mr Bates.'

'It was fine, thank you,' I replied.

Another new face, this time of a more mature lady, appeared in the doorway. Mr Carson turned to face her. 'Ahh, Mrs Hughes, would you be so kind as to fetch the rest of the staff? I'd like to introduce them to Mr Bates.'

'Certainly, Mr Carson.'

**~0~**

After being introduced to the downstairs staff, the head footman, Thomas showed me to my room. Yes, the facilities were basic yet perfect for a man such as myself. Things had been so complicated for me recently that I yearned for the simpler things in life. All I asked for was my own little sanctuary, somewhere to rest my head after a day of work and this room fitted the bill perfectly.

Thomas explained to me in the vaguest of details what to expect and how things worked when it came to His Lordship's likes and dislikes, his routines and what have you. Having been his batman, I remember a few of his idiosyncrasies, but that was in the compounds of battle. Much different to the grounds of a stately home such as Downton Abbey.

Thomas. He was going to take some fathoming. I sensed hostility, he didn't really welcome my arrival. Why I was yet to find out. However, living with those you work with, I'm sure the reasons would come to light soon enough.

Sitting for lunch with my fellow servants, Mr Carson went about explaining the ins and outs of Downton and about the Smith family. I knew Oliver was married, his wife Victoria was all he spoke about in the times that we weren't fighting. Those times when we bunked down in the evenings and the guns fell silent. He had a son, Michael, who was an infant when we were fighting the Boers. The lucky eldest son of a Lord who would one day inherit the whole estate.

Michael wasn't an only child, Victoria giving birth to a daughter whilst myself and her husband were still out fighting in Africa. Anna was her name. She would be in her late twenties now. I had only been in the building for an hour but already knew she was the topic for much conversation in the servants hall, having heard her name on several occasions.

The maids seemed in awe of Anna. Mrs Hughes was much more reserved, fearing Anna's arrogance would come back to haunt her someday. Mr Carson's admiration was clear as he set about defending her honour. In all my life I had never known of a woman who drew such contrasting views. When talk turned to, what seemed, a never ending list of suitors, I found myself listening intently, the air of mystery built up around her as a result of the gossip I had heard intriguing me.

'Mr Carson,' one of the footman addressed the Butler as he entered the servant hall. 'Sorry I'm late. His Lordship would like Mr Bates to meet him in the library after luncheon.'

'Thank you, William.' Mr Carson nodded in acknowledgement.

'Now sit down and eat something before it gets cold,' Mrs Hughes ordered, watching as William took his place at the table.

**~0~**

Making our way to the library, following Mr Carson, I winced as my knee complained of all the walking I had put it through today. Stopping outside a door, Mr Carson knocked on it before I heard a familiar voice telling him to enter.

'My Lord, Mr Bates to see you.' Carson announced, gesturing to me as I followed him into the grand room His Lordship was lucky enough to call his library. Looking around the room, completely stunned at the grandeur of it all, I smiled as my old comrade came into view.

My first impression was how much older he looked but then again I wasn't exactly in the prime of my life. Despite the years altering his features, he hadn't really changed from the man I would have marched beside into hell if he had asked me to.

'Thank you, Carson,' Oliver replied, moving to me with an outstretched hand. Clasping my hand in his, he shook it enthusiastically. 'Victoria, Michael, Anna, I'd like you to meet the man to whom I owe my life.'

Completely taken by surprise by Oliver's generous introduction, Carson's mumble also indicating his shock, I turned to look at the family I had heard so much about, yet never laid my eyes upon.

Victoria was the first to greet me, every bit as glamorous as Oliver had described her. 'M'lady.' I smiled, shaking her hand and bowing my head.

'Bates, it's lovely to finally meet you at last.' She said, smiling broadly.

'This is my son and heir to my title, Michael.' Oliver explained, pointing to the strapping young man standing behind Victoria.

I almost did a double take as I took in the man now striding towards me. He was almost identical to the Captain Smith I was batman to in Africa. Shaking his hand, I smiled. 'Sir.'

'Bates, I've heard so much about you.' Michael replied. 'Welcome to Downton.'

'Thank you, sir.'

'And this young lady,' Oliver began, pointing at the window next to his desk. 'Is my daughter, Anna.'

So this was the mercurial Anna. She stood with her back to us, staring out of the window at the extensive grounds the house had to offer. She was already making it obvious to me she wasn't one for duty or to go with the crowd, her independence endearing me to her. I'm sure I heard her groan as she was forced to interrupt her thoughts. It was almost like time had stopped as she turned to face us. I took in the soft features on her face and knew almost immediately my life would never be the same again. Her eyes were enchanting, a sparkling blue. Blonde curls were tied up loosely, some stray strands flowing down over her shoulders. She was petit, the clothes she was wearing accentuating the curves she hid beneath them. I was intoxicated, she was stunning.

'Mr Bates,' she said softly. 'Welcome to our humble abode.'

'Erm... thank you. M'lady,' I replied, almost choking on my words as they fell from my mouth. 'What a lovely home it is.' She nodded before turning her attentions back to looking out of the window.

What was happening? Oliver continued to speak but I couldn't avert my gaze from her. She was beautiful and she knew it. Everything that had been said about her in the servant hall over lunch was true. I could see why the maids admired her, I could see why Carson may favour her, I could even understand Mrs Hughes fears over her vanity. She had shown me all those things in our short exchange.

'Carson, allow Bates the afternoon off to acclimatise to his new surroundings,' Oliver offered. 'He can dress me for dinner.'

'Very good, My Lord,' Carson replied. 'Is that all, My Lord?'

'I think so Carson, Thank you.'

**~0~**

Once back in my room, my mind was full of thoughts of Anna. Wanting, no _needing _to know everything about her. Soon, I found myself imagining her playing games with her many suitors. The poor souls hanging on her every word, she persuading them to dance to her tune with relative ease.

I paced the room as I cursed myself for having such thoughts about a woman young enough to be my daughter. Especially the daughter of a man I had the greatest amount of respect for. Deciding there and then to banish these thoughts to the inner recesses of my brain, I set about unpacking. Anything to get her out of my mind. However, as I hung up the last of my shirts, I feared it was too late.

A few days passed, my position in the house meaning mine and Anna's paths didn't really cross at all. I was relieved. It gave me time to realise, or maybe try to convince myself, the air of mystery around her created by servant hearsay had caused this bizarre attraction. That's all it was. Attraction. She was pretty, I am but a man. Unquestionably, I can't have been the only man to have been attracted to her on first sight. Loneliness, that's what I put it down to.

A conversation about our shared love of literature had lead me to gaining His Lordship's permission to use his library to borrow any book of my choosing. Reading was one of my passions. It gave me the opportunity to escape reality and immerse myself in another world. The nights of insomnia I suffered as a result of my experiences would be greatly enriched by the right reading material.

Perusing the bookshelf, I reached for one work which caught my interest before out of the corner of my eye I saw the library doors open. All coherent thought left me as I acknowledged who the person was. It was Lady Anna.

'Bates,' Anna nodded, greeting me as she closed the door behind her. 'I see you've found my thinking place.'

Hands trembling, I made much harder work of replacing the book I had pulled from the shelf than was needed. 'Sorry, M'lady, I was just, err...'

'Looking for a book?' She offered, an amused grin on her face. 'That is what most people do in a library, is it not?'

'Yes,' was my reply as I stood, an intrigued observer, whilst she crossed the room to stand beside the window.

'So you enjoy reading, Bates?' She asked, turning her head to look at me, her gaze fixed on mine causing a stirring inside me.

'I do, M'lady,' I began before clearing my throat. 'It helps me relax, one can forget about the troubles life can bring.'

'That's very true,' she agreed, smiling as she nodded.

Slightly amused as to what hardships she could possibly have to encounter, the daughter of an Earl, I found my heart beating faster as she left her position at the window and drifted towards me. As she perused the bookshelf, I closed my eyes for a moment, her presence beside me filling my senses.

She ran her fingers along the spines of the countless books her father had collected over the years. After careful consideration she picked one out and took it down from the shelf. 'This comes highly recommended.'

It was all I could do not to openly display my emotions as I felt her fingers touch mine as I removed the book from her hand. Looking down at the volume she had chosen, I smiled inwardly as I read the front cover. 'The Complete Works of John Keats.' I read aloud.

'Have you read Keats before?'

'I have, M'lady. Many times.'

'Then you have good taste, Mr Bates.'

With those words, she left me, and my foolish heart beating a wild rhythm, alone in the library.

**~0~**

There was tension towards me downstairs, I could sense it. There were visitors to the house, Sir Roger Walton and his family had come to stay. The whispers lead me to believe the son of the family was one of Anna's many suitors. With my injury, I was unable to help the footmen. Thomas found this extremely inconvenient, voicing his concerns over the servants dinner. He insisted that on a list of Valet's duties was to help when there was a larger than normal party for dinner. Mr Carson rebuked Thomas's protests, insisting they had managed before and would manage again. This did nothing to quell my fears, and regrets at not being able to assist.

Ashamed as I admitted it to myself, one regret was not being able to serve the guests their dinner, to catch a glimpse of Anna in her finest evening wear. To see her entertaining and being the charming woman I had convinced myself she was in the company of men vying for her attention.

Leaving a grumbling Thomas to serve with William, retiring to my room not an attractive proposition, I requested permission from Mr Carson to walk the Abbey grounds. My shame at my inability to support the footmen and irrefutable pride made it too unbearable to stay in the house a moment longer.

'Very well, but we shall be locking up at eleven. And try to keep out of sight.'

Relieved at his consent, I made my way out of the servants entrance into the courtyard. It was now after dinner, I had seen William return to the kitchen with the serving plates from dessert before I made my exit. Walking around to the front of the house I pulled up the collar of my overcoat, the coldness surrounding me reminding me of my age and the chill on my knee causing it to ache. Looking ahead, I saw the moonlight shining down on the outline of a collection of trees, surrounding a bench. Deciding on this as the perfect place to rest and wait for the commotion of a house full of guests to die down, I slowly trudged towards it.

As I got nearer to the resting place, the unmistakable sound of Anna's voice reached my ears. Stopping at the first tree I came to, I leant against it. Eaves dropping wasn't something I particularly agreed with. However she wasn't alone and where she was concerned, I was beginning to break every rule I had ever made.

'Come on, Anna,' groaned a male voice. 'When are you going to accept you'll never find anyone who can give you what I can?'

'And exactly what can you give me, James?' Was Anna's reply, a small chuckle once she had finished her sentence.

'A comfortable life, stability...'

'Comfortable?' Anna guffawed. 'I want more than comfortable. Comfortable isn't good enough for me.'

'Then what do you want, Lady Anna?' the man questioned, his tone impatient.

'Passion, to marry a man I truly love and who loves me in return. A man who wouldn't see me as a trophy.' The conviction in her voice as she spoke convinced me more of her aversion to the duty she had been forced to follow since the day she was born.

'But your destiny dictates you are far beyond your prime, Lady Anna. If you were a real lady, you'd have married by now.' The man continued. My fists clenched as I heard this man spout his poison. I had deduced he must be the son of Sir Walton. 'We'd do well together, you and me.'

Scuffling clearly audible, what I heard next shocked me to my bitter core. 'Stop. Please, let me go.'

'Anna, just relax.' the male voice growled.

'Let me go,' Anna said weakly, her struggling to get away using up her energies. I didn't want to imagine what was going on, all I knew was that I had to help her.

As I moved closer to where the voices were coming from, I reeled in disgust as I saw the man pinning Anna up against the tree with his body, forcing kisses upon her as she squirmed beneath him.

'I think she asked you to let her go.' I said calmly. The man turned rapidly, the horror on his face undeniable as he took in my presence.

Letting her go almost immediately, he started toward me before turning to look at Anna. 'You can forget ever marrying me now, Lady Anna. Or any of the other possible suitors in our circle. I'll see to that.'

'Then I'll find great pleasure in informing His Lordship of your behaviour,' I revealed, James turning his attentions back to me. He half laughed before storming past me. He almost ran back to the house as Anna collapsed on the floor, sobbing uncontrollably. My heart ached as I watched her. Propriety telling me not to walk over to her, instinct urging me to pick her up in my arms and hold her in my embrace.

'Thank you, Bates,' she murmured finally.

'M'lady, are you alright?' I asked.

'No,' she announced through the tears as she stood up. 'But I will be. Thank goodness you came when you did.'

'Would you like me to walk you back to the house, M'lady?'

'If it wouldn't be too much trouble, Mr Bates. That would be very favourable indeed.' Anna nodded. 'But first, would you sit with me for a moment.'

As we sat, watching her regain her composure through the tears, I soon realised it was the most heartbreaking thing I had ever seen. Everyone had their own opinions of Lady Anna. She gave off the bravado of the confident daughter of an Earl, the world at her feet. However, if you scratched below the surface, she was suffering because of the dynasty she was born into. She never asked for this. Her defiance against the system, as it were, appealing her to me even more.

If that were possible.

'Right, I'm ready,' she said suddenly, standing up. 'I apologise, Bates. I couldn't let them see me like that.'

'Don't be sorry, M'lady.' I replied. 'As long as you are fully recovered, I shall accompany you back to the house.'

'Thank you, Bates.'


	2. Chapter 2

**_This chapter is from Anna's POV. _**

_'That will be all, Eleanor. Thank you.'_

_'Yes M'lady,' and with those words, my ladies maid left me alone in my bedchamber, alone with my thoughts. _

_The previous evening had left me with plenty to think about. I came across as an independent woman, someone who was able to look after herself. Men in my social circle seemed to find that endearing. However, if Mr Bates hadn't come along when he did, I shudder to think what might have happened. It is this bravado I put across, this pretence that makes men think I'm easy prey. _

_I'm not a woman of the world, I'd be the first to admit that. Hiding behind the status that my family holds in society making people think I am more confident than I actually am. My experiences with men went as far as a few stolen kisses. I can say without reservation, I had never been in love. _

_Blaming my choices of literature for my views on love and the world, I'd always been a believer that the person you choose to marry is the person you love unequivocally. Not someone who meets certain requirements that your family and social status dictates. No man had ever made me feel more than a trophy on his arm. _

_I loved my family more than any words could express. My father, albeit, in my opinion, a man to whom duty was far more important than it needed to be, was kind hearted and generous. The perfect father to me and my brother. He loved Downton, often referring to it as his third child. _

_Michael, my brother whom I adored, had his life mapped out for him even before he was born. In fact, my parents first son was destined to become Earl of Grantham and head of this house before he was even conceived. Sometimes I felt for him. However like everything with my brother, he takes it all in his stride. _

_My mother was the backbone of the family, our rock. When she and my father had met, it was love at first sight, for her at least. She had set out to catch my father from the first moment she saw him. He was more reluctant. In the end, he saw her as what he called his best option. The thought of it makes him shudder nowadays. Within a year of marriage he had fallen so deeply in love with Mama he questioned if he had ever been in love before. _

_Upon exiting my room to join my family for breakfast, I mentally prepared myself for the barrage of questions I was sure to face as a result of my swift escape to my room last night. Stepping out into the corridor, I turned around and shut the door. Almost immediately, I felt someone staring. Turning to my left, I saw it was Mr Bates walking towards me. _

_'Good morning, m'lady,' he said softly, stopping as he saw me look at him. _

_'Bates,' I smiled, instantly thinking of last night. _

_There was something mysterious about Mr Bates. Perhaps it was because I wasn't used to the quieter man. The men with whom I was used to sharing company let their class and money do the talking, arrogance oozing out of their every pore. He had a gentle nature about him but looking deeper into his eyes I'm sure his past would suggest otherwise. _

_He shifted his cane to his other hand awkwardly, the silence that had fallen between us lasting much longer than was deemed normal. He wanted to say something, that much I could tell. The waiting was too much for me to bear. _

_'Are you alright, Bates?'_

_'Yes, perfectly m'lady. I just wanted to enquire after your welfare, after, well...'_

_'I am grateful for your concern, Bates. As I was to your intervention yesterday evening.' I replied. Desperately wanting to forget the whole sorry affair, I searched for something to change the subject. 'How are you finding the book?' _

_'Very good.' He nodded, a kind smile on his face. 'A very good choice.' _

_'Wonderful.' I replied, finding myself unable to avert my gaze from his. The smile that had been evident on his face every time we had exchanged words so far drawing me in. Last night it had brought me comfort. This morning it was intriguing. Who was this man who had saved me last night?_

_'Well, I best be getting on.' He announced, walking to stand beside me. 'Good day, m'lady.' _

_'Yes, and you Bates.' _

**_~0~_**

_Moving food around my plate, my mind clearly elsewhere, I sat in a daze as my father raved about his dear friend, Sir Roger. Mother listened intently as Michael read the newspaper. A typical morning in our particular household. _

_'How is Bates settling in?' Michael asked, looking over his paper to address Papa. _

_Hearing his name, I was surprised at the feelings within me. The conversation had my undivided attention as Papa answered the question. _

_'So so,' he replied through mouthfuls of breakfast. 'As the man who helps a lord dress and undress, you can't fault him. As for other duties that my previous valets have been expected to undertake, not so good.' _

_'Because he's a cripple?' Mama said without hesitation. _

_'Mama,' I gasped, shocked at her candidness. _

_'What? Darling, that is what he is. He needs a cane to get about from day to day. He is a cripple.' _

_'Victoria, please don't use that word,' my father scolded, his expression troubled. 'It seems the footmen, Thomas in particular, feel his appointment could hinder their work. Having to make up for his shortfalls and all..' _

_My letting out a laugh interrupting father mid conversation, I am self-conscious as I now have everyone's eyes on me. Waiting for an explanation. Truth was, I didn't know why I found Thomas's complaining about Bates amusing. Why did I have the urge within me to defend my father's valet? _

_'Anna, you have something to say?' Papa asked. _

_'Well Thomas. Not exactly the hardest working footmen in the history of service now, is he?' I said, surprising myself as the words came out of my mouth. _

_'And what would you know about hard work?' Mama replied, a look of amusement on her face. _

_' I don't know,' Papa shook his head, 'I may have to look in paying him up to the end of the month and finding someone else.'_

_'If it's for the good of Downton,' Michael agreed before turning his attentions back to his paper. _

_'But Papa, he saved your life,' I said before realising my tone may have sounded a little desperate. Gazes now back on me, I picked up my fork and continued fiddling with the food on my plate. 'You might just want to give it a little consideration before deciding.'_

_'Darling, are you sure you are alright?' Mama asked, reaching out for my hand over the table. 'Is this to do with your strange behaviour last night?' _

_'I don't want to talk about it, Mama,' I snapped, taking my hand away before instantly feeling guilty. 'Sorry.'_

_'I saw you and James together,' Papa smiled, thinking it would cheer me up, no doubt. How wrong could he be? _

_'Papa, there is no me and James,' I sighed. 'I know you and Sir Roger have this wonderful friendship and I'm sorry to disappoint you, but your children shall not be joined in matrimony.' _

_Immediately regretting what I had said, I knew what was coming as I looked at my mother. Her eyes wide, sympathetic smile on her face, hand softly caressing my forearm. _

_'Darling, are there any future husbands on the horizon?' She asked, raising her hand from my arm to brush away some lose strands of hair on my face. _

_'Sorry mother.' I shrugged. _

_'There's no one brave enough to take the task on,' Michael quipped as he left the table, just out of reach for me to get my revenge as he walked past. 'Don't be too much longer father, we are due in town at eleven.' _

_****__~0~_

_Walking into my Father's library, I instantly moved over to the window. Looking over the Abbey grounds enabled me to find some peace, to evaluate the thoughts that reverberated my head. _

_Two things were at the forefront of my mind this morning. Mama was right, what did I know about hard work? _

_Eleanor, my maid, woke before six and worked until well after dark. All the staff who made sure myself and my family were well dressed, well fed and kept safe worked themselves into the ground. I had never needed to, everything had always been done for me. My parents informing me it was my privilege. Deep down, I had always felt a little guilty about that. Something had always stirred within me, a desire to do something more with my life. What that something was had always eluded me. _

_I found plenty to keep me busy. Nothing worthwhile in the grand scheme of things, truth be told. Trips to visit my Aunt, meeting with my friends in Ripon or joining the men on the hunt. The stable hand would often prepare a horse for me to go riding. A couple of dinner parties each week, this was my existence. All the duty and ceremony could become tiresome. There must be more to life. Even for the daughter of an Earl. _

_The second thing on my mind was Bates. Ever since he came to my aid, I found myself compelled to find out more about him. My families confusion over my jumping to his defence was understandable, I'd never really given my father's previous valets the time of day. A friendly hello was all I'd afforded them. Bates was different. Anyone else would have heard what they had last night and not wanted to get involved. Not him. Why did he intervene? _

_****__~0~_

_Another evening filled with a fancy dinner and high class company over, I retire to my room where my ladies maid is busy getting me ready for bed. Although on a certain level I found it absurd a grown woman should need help getting ready for bed, I was grateful for these times with Eleanor. Always wanting a sister, it was nice to have this intimate relationship. _

_'It's a shame about Mr Bates, isn't it, M'lady?' Eleanor asked as she plaited my hair. _

_'What about Bates?' I asked, completely amiss as to what Eleanor was insinuating. _

_'Well he's leaving, isn't he?' Eleanor replied. 'You didn't know?' _

_I shook my head, Eleanor's revelation rendering me speechless. Mr Bates, leaving? Why did those words leave me feeling empty? The injustice of it, one mans petty complaining leaving another unemployed. Undeservedly unemployed. _

_Confused, I internally wrestled with my feelings. Was that really what was leaving me so vexed? Did it really bother me that he wouldn't be working for my father anymore? Or was it really the fact I would never see him smiling at me again? _

_Releasing Eleanor from her duties for the evening, I blew out the candles which emanated a soft glow across my room and climbed into bed. Lying in the darkness, suddenly my mind was full of him. I closed my eyes and all I saw was Bates. The way he looked at me when we were introduced, the look on his face when he discovered me last night. God, I'm so confused. I had only spent mere minutes in this man's company. Willing myself to believe his absence from the house would have no bearing on me whatsoever, I tried my best to fall asleep. _

_****__~0~_

_The next morning, various members of staff were rushing around, the carriage being prepared to take Mr Bates to the station. I had found out he was moving back to London, the news of his exit under debate amongst the downstairs staff according to Eleanor. Thomas and Miss O Brien, my mothers maid, were more than happy to see the back of him. Eleanor lead me to believe Thomas was after the position of my father's valet. This may have been why he pushed for him to leave. _

_Walking down the stairs towards the main hall of the house, I saw a sad figure hovering by the front doors. It was Bates. Stopping to watch him for a moment, he was observing a painting, lost in thought. How I desperately wanted to know what he was thinking. _

_He must have sensed my presence, turning to look at me staring at him from the staircase. Clearing my throat, I continued down the remainder of the stairs. There it was again. That smile. Despite it all. _

_'I'm very sorry things didn't work out,' I said, now standing in front of him. 'It seems unfair somehow.' _

_'Is it, M'lady? I am unable to fulfil my duties.' he replied with a shrug of the shoulders, almost emotionless. _

_'Still, I'm sure if Papa had tried hard enough we could have found a way around that,' I said, a suggestion of irritation in my voice. _

_'Perhaps.' And there was that sweet smile again. 'Thank you for recommending that book to me. It filled many a sleepless hour over the past few days.' _

_'That's alright,' I smiled before realising I was the one who should be grateful. I needed to tell him before he walked out of my life. 'Bates, I want you to know how thankful I am you were walking in the gardens the other night. What might have happened, well...' _

_'Don't mention it, M'lady.' He said, cutting me short. _

_Our eyes met then, his telling me how this wasn't the first time he had been rejected. How I prayed mine didn't telegraph my thoughts. What would Mr Bates think if he could read my mind? How would he react if he knew I didn't want him to leave? The way his departure was making me feel scared me somewhat. I was beginning to realise no man has ever made me feel as bewildered as this man was doing right now. _

_'Mr Bates, your car is ready,' Carson called through from outside. _

_'Thank you, Mr Carson,' Bates replied, his eyes never leaving mine. _

_'Please drop us a line, when you're settled. Or else I'll worry about you.' I almost pleaded with him. _

_'That's the last thing I would want.' He raised the corners of his mouth into that smile again, for one last time. _

_I stayed inside as Mr Bates left the house. Sitting on the bottom step of the staircase, I listened as I heard the tones of his voice and my father's. All the while they said their goodbyes, I was urging myself to get a grip. To pull myself together. This man was a virtual stranger, you have known him no more than a few days, a brief exchange over a book. Then I remembered what he did for me in the gardens. The sound of wheel moving over gravel, my heart sank. In some cases, maybe a brief exchange was all it took. _

_Almost immediately, I heard the unmistakable sound of the car coming to a halt. Standing up, I walked outside to see for myself if something was wrong. Taking in the scene before me, I looked at my father for an explanation as Bates walked in the opposite direction towards the servants entrance. _

_'I just didn't think it was right, Carson,' were my father's words. With no time for Carson to respond, father strode passed him and me back into the house. _

_Bates was staying. _

_****__~0~_

_Curiosity and boredom occasionally getting the better of me, I often wandered down to the servants quarters to see what was going on. My father and brother were out for the day on yet another hunt, Mama in bed with one of her head colds. My parents knew about my visits below deck as it were. Although not all the time, they were frequent enough for the staff to not question my presence in their domain. _

_My mother and father would always argue it was not the place for a lady to dwell. I would remind them the only thing that made us different to the staff was class, we were all humans after all. They'd pass it off as their daughter being 'individual', their eccentric Anna. _

_Although happy to talk to me, William was busy polishing the silver which I had learnt was one of Carson's most coveted jobs. If you were selected to polish the silver, he held in you high regard. The fact Thomas had never been given the task not going unnoticed by the staff. _

_Although my visits were frequent, I hadn't visited downstairs since Bates employment. I couldn't lie. I was hoping to see him. Peering into the servants hall, I was slightly disappointed to see the room empty apart from a hall boy laying the table for luncheon. _

_Walking into the kitchen, I stood in the doorway and laughed to myself as the cook, Mrs Patmore shouted her orders at her kitchen maid, Daisy. Daisy was an interesting character, always slightly nervous, forever being bellowed at by Mrs Patmore. In my opinion, she was the hardest worker of all the staff. First one up, last one to bed. If she didn't wake, neither would the house. _

_Becoming aware of my being there, I stood up straight as Mrs Patmore looked at me. She had this air about her, that you should stand to attention whenever she were about to speak. _

_'Good morning, M'lady. Can we help you?' she enquired politely. _

_'Morning Mrs Patmore,' I replied. 'Is there anything I can do to assist?'_

_You could have heard a pin drop as all the staff turned to look at me. A lady helping in the kitchen? What an absurd thought. _

_'You want to help, M'lady?' Mrs Patmore asked, trying to ascertain the seriousness of the situation. _

_'If I can. Is there anything that needs preparing for lunch?' _

_'Err, we have it all in hand in 'ere, M'lady.' Mrs Patmore said as she looked around the kitchen. 'Perhaps you could help Mr Bates.' _

_Mr Bates? Suddenly my heart started beating a little harder. Just the sound of his name and I began to quiver. Get a hold of yourself, Anna. _

_'And where, where is, is he...' _

_'He's out in the courtyard, peeling potatoes.' Mrs Patmore revealed. _

_The words were barely out of her mouth before I was half way down the corridor. Opening the door to the courtyard, I stopped in the doorway to take in the sight of Mr Bates at the bench, jacket off, pail of potatoes next to him, cooking pot of peeled ones on his other side. _

_Obviously hearing the door open, he turned to look at me, his look a mixture of confusion and that smile. 'M'lady, what are you doing down here?' _

_'I often come down to the servants quarters,' I answered, walking towards him. 'Besides, it's boring upstairs. Papa and Michael are out on a hunt and Mama is in bed. Dying slowly she'd have you believe, the amount of moaning she's doing.'_

_He laughed then, the echo of it reaching my ears and surprising me by how beautiful it sounded. 'Would you mind if I sat with you?' He looked at me, moved the pail of potatoes in front of him then gestured for me to sit on the bench beside him. I watched him for a moment, completely mesmerised by his hands. ' Bates, why are you peeling potatoes may I ask?' _

_'For lunch, M'lady,' he replied, throwing another one in the cooking pot. _

_'Yes, I know that.' I said, gaze still focussed on his hands as he reached for another potato. 'But you aren't kitchen staff.' _

_'Truth be told, I asked for something to do. Felt like a bit of a spare part.' He continued to peel as he spoke. 'Your father had nothing he needed doing so I asked Mrs Patmore if I could be of assistance.' _

_'You're very efficient. With the peeling,' I said before instantly realising how lame that sounded. _

_'I used to work in a kitchen. In Ireland. Before the war. I'd be peeling potatoes all day.' he said, I'm sure just to amuse me and my warbling. 'Have you really nothing you could be doing? I'm sure you have other things to do than watching me peel potatoes.' _

_Silly man. If only he knew there was nothing I'd rather be doing than be in his company. _

_'To be honest, I feel like a bit of a spare part as well.' I revealed. _

_'Well, there's another knife on the table. Feel free to chip in, so to speak.' _

_Panic spread over me as I reached for the knife from the table. It felt a bit silly to admit to a man who had experienced all that he had, that I had never peeled a potato in my entire life. _

_Watching as he threw yet another in the cooking pot, I picked a potato out of the pail. Whilst he managed to peel almost without looking, I was making much harder work of it than was needed. The fact that as well as the peel, I'd removed half of the potato as well amused him somewhat. _

_'M'lady,' he said through his mirth as he took the small lump that remained of my potato and tossed it across the yard. 'May I help you?'_

_I nodded, and before I knew where I was his hands were on mine. His words of encouragement were lost on me as I was completely enthralled by the feel of his skin. Rough, strong, yet so tender at the same time. Unfamiliar feelings stirred inside me. His touch made me feel like my whole body was on fire. Perhaps it was the maturity the man radiated, he had experienced so much more than the men I knew put together. _

_'See, turning the potato as you peel will ensure you only remove as much as you need to.' _

_Removing his touch, I looked at the peeled potato I was now holding. Observing me just gazing at the vegetable in my hands, the man must have wondered if I were quite ill as he took the potato from my hand and tossed it into the pot. _

_'Why don't you just keep me company as I peel, M'lady?' he suggested. I nodded. _

_'I think it's probably best, Bates.' I replied, coming back to my senses. 'I am completely out of my depth.' _

_'It's only peeling a potato, M'lady.' He chuckled, getting back into the rhythm he had set himself before I had so rudely interrupted him. _

_If only he knew what I meant by that. _


	3. Chapter 3

**Bates acting as a footman may be slightly far fetched, but then isn't that what Fan Fiction is for? Normal font is Bates POV, italics is Anna's POV. **

**Disclaimer: **I do not own anything, all characters etc belong to ITV, Julian Fellowes, etc etc

* * *

Once in my bedroom after dressing His Lordship for bed, I allowed myself a moment to reflect on the events of this afternoon. Lighting a candle, I kicked my shoes off and left them by the door. Taking off my jacket, I sat on the edge of my bed, hands slowly loosening my tie as the image of Anna in the courtyard overtook my thoughts.

After watching her awkwardness over a simple thing like peeling potatoes, how anyone could call Anna arrogant was beyond me. It was almost flattering that a lady like her was nervous around a man such as myself.

Then, when I touched her hands.

I surprised myself at my forthrightness. For a second I completely forgot about our positions, the innocent action of showing her this most basic of skill overriding correctness. The way she reacted to my touch confused me somewhat. For a slight second, I thought she may have been stunned as to my having the nerve to touch her. Then, she didn't move her hands away.

Anna stayed with me for a while after that, talking about everything and nothing. We discussed my staying on as her father's valet. How she was happy to see me stay, teasing that not everyone shared her reading interests. I enjoyed listening to her outlook on life. We conversed like we had known each other for years, not the week or so since I had made my arrival. Natural. Despite all the differences. That's how I would describe the way we were with each other.

My feelings for this woman were growing with each passing second. Was I completely insane to think she might be feeling something for me as well? I laughed inwardly at the suggestion. The Earl's daughter and his Valet. Everything about that sounded wrong. However, I was a man of the world enough to know about these things. Why would she insist on sitting with me for nearly an hour when she didn't need to?

Why didn't she move her hands away?

Shaking my head, I scolded myself for even entertaining for a second she may be attracted to me. In that way, anyway. I came to her aid when she needed someone, that was the reason for her kindness. She didn't move her hands because she genuinely wanted my assistance. She sat with me because everyone else was indisposed.

Besides, my past was sure to come back to haunt me at some time or another.

Laying back on my bed, waistcoat and collar removed, I settled down as the light from the candle spread throughout the room. Reaching across to the beside cabinet, I lifted the volume of Keats and began to read.

**~0~**

_I'd been in bed for roughly an hour now, tossing and turning. I had always thought that never feeling this way about a man was because I wouldn't be weak enough to let myself fall that deeply. That was until I met him. _

_Eyes closed, I could still feel his hands around mine. Peeling potatoes. Not the most romantic of acts. Yet it was the first time a man had touched me and I felt like I couldn't breathe. When he spoke to me, the eye contact, the feelings that stirred inside me. His smile. _

_Our conversation as I sat and watched him carry on with his task wasn't forced. You'd think with the age gap we would struggle to find any common ground. Yet, it flowed freely. There was laughter, moments where I just wanted to tell him everything about me, stopping at the last second before I spilled out my heart and soul. Never had a man intrigued me more. I wanted to know everything about him as well. His interests, his past. What made him, him. _

_I knew entertaining these thoughts would be fruitless. He was a servant. A union between an Earl's daughter and a servant. I would be an outcast. Deep down, did I really care? _

_Although I loved my family, there were times when I wished we could be just like any other. I wished I could be friends with whom I chose and it not have a bearing on people's opinions of me. _

_Chuckling, I knew I was getting way ahead of myself. Even if I were in a position to act upon my feelings, he would never feel the same way about me. I was just an inexperienced young woman who had never had to fight for anything in her whole life. He took pity on my in the courtyard, just like he did that night in the gardens. _

_Stop fooling yourself, Anna. _

**~0~**

At breakfast, I sat engrossed in my book as Thomas read out loud excerpts from his paper. The kitchen maid, Daisy, hanging on his every word. His arrogance was plain to see. From the way he puffed away on his cigarette to the way he knew he had the rooms undivided attention as he informed them of world events. Mrs Hughes on my left, was chatting to Mr Carson about the accounts. Then, on my right was Eleanor, Anna's maid. She would inform the other servants about what was going on in her Lady's world. And that was when the conversation would gather my interest.

'She's seemed very out of sorts, recently,' Eleanor explained, stirring her tea in front of her. 'She'll drift into her own thoughts as I'm talking...'

'Well, we all do that,' Miss O' Brien interrupted, Thomas smiling at her quip whilst still keeping his eyes on his paper.

'It's like she's in love or something,' Eleanor continued.

'I'm not surprised, the amount of men she has falling at her feet,' Mrs Hughes replied.

'No, it's different this time. She'll often chat to me about the men who visit. Usually chiding them.' Eleanor revealed. 'It's since she saw that Mr James the other night.'

Well I knew for a fact she was not in love with James. Turning my attentions back to my book, was it terribly vain to think it might have been me occupying her thoughts?

'Mr Carson.' We all looked up to see Oliver enter the servants hall, slightly panicked, holding a telegram in his hand. Standing, instinct teaching those of us in this line of work to do so, he urges us to sit. 'Would it be impossible to put on a small dinner party this evening?'

'Erm, depends how many it is for, m'lord,' Carson admitted. 'Mrs Patmore isn't due a food order for a couple of days.'

'Don't worry about that, Carson. Just have her do an extra one. The Duke of Crowborough has requested he stop off on his way up to vacation in Scotland.' Oliver explained. 'He'll be here late afternoon.'

'But William has the night off, M'lord.' Carson continued, his aversion to the situation quite amusing to watch.

'Carson, if we are to ever get Lady Anna married off, we need to take every opportunity that comes our way.'

'Then, we will need to find another footman quick sharp, my lord.' Carson said. 'William has a train ticket already booked to visit his mother.'

Then, like a flash of lightning it dawned on me. The thought of Anna's attentions being kept by another man. This Duke. It made me feel quite unwell.

'I'll do it,' were the words I was surprised to hear coming out of my mouth. Something inside me wanted to see for myself how Anna fended off her suitors. If they could give her anything I could not...

'You?' Thomas spat, glaring at me.

'You couldn't assist the last time, Mr Bates.' Carson pointed out. 'What makes you think you can this time?'

Mr Carson made a fair point, however I knew I could do the job. It would take me longer to carry out the tasks required of a footman but I could still do them. The practicalities of the tasks passed through my mind. Holding the serving plates in one hand, my cane the other. It wouldn't look good, but if they were desperate.

'It's a smaller party this time, Mr Carson.' I said in response.

'Have you served before, Bates?' Oliver asked, taking my offer into consideration.

'What about your cane? How will you carry things?' Thomas enquired.

'I do have two hands, Thomas. I'm pretty sure you just offer the guests the plates, my other hand will be on my cane instead of behind my back.'

'I don't know,' Mr Carson shook his head. 'The reputation of the house will be at stake.'

'Well, it's alright by me.' Oliver smiled. 'And I'm hoping the Duke will focus his attentions on my daughter rather than the footman with a cane.'

'It can't be worse than a maid serving a Duke, I suppose.' Carson shrugged before looking at the faces of the maids he had just insulted. 'No offence intended.'

_**~0~**_

_Entering the dining room, I was trying my hardest to remain interested in what the Duke was saying. If he had told me once, he had told me a hundred times about his fleet of cars back home in London. Thinking it would impress me, no doubt. As we sat for dinner, I was glad when my father caught the Dukes attention, talking about the history of the house. Relieved, as I knew when it came to Downton, my father could talk for hours, I sat patiently to wait for dinner to be served. _

_Looking up, expecting William and Thomas to follow Carson into the dining room, I am astonished to see who it is serving us this evening. I am smiling broadly and I know I am. He looked so different in his livery, his white tie and dinner jacket. Handsome even. _

_'We are a little light on the ground, staff wise this evening, Duke,' my father reveals. 'So my Valet is stepping in.' _

_'Oh right,' the duke replied, instantly looking at Bates's cane as Bates offers the plate he is holding to my brother. _

_'Got his injury saving my life in Africa,' father continued, taking some meat from the plate Thomas has offered him. 'Isn't that right, Bates?'_

_'Yes, m'lord.' Bates replied. _

_I could tell he was finding the attention slightly awkward. The Duke's attempts to engage me in conversation were futile as the Valet now had my full attention. As he leant down opposite me to offer Mama the plate he was now holding, he looked at me, immediately smiling as our eyes met. I suddenly felt very warm, blushing I was sure. _

'_Anna, Miss O' Brien tells me you assisted Bates in peeling potatoes yesterday,' Mama announced. _

'_It seems Miss O'Brien needs to keep her nose out of other people's business,' I replied, picking up my cutlery to begin my meal. 'Besides, I peeled one before thinking better of it. Bates was doing a much better job of it than me.' _

'_Quite so. Preparing food is the work of those in a much lower social standing that yourself, Lady Anna.' The Duke said, conceitedness evident in tone. 'The servants prepare the food, we eat it.' _

'_Yes, but surely Duke even you can see the times are changing,' I argued, looking over at Bates who was clearly amused. _

'_Please excuse our daughter, Duke.' Mama interrupted me, laughing nervously. 'She has never been one to run with the crowd.' _

'_Well it's lucky for you I find her modern views charming,' the Duke replied before looking me up and down. His eyes on me making me feel very uncomfortable indeed. 'It's nice for women these days to have their own views on the world.' _

_What a bigoted prig. Yet another visitor to the house who saw me as just a pretty little thing with too much to say for herself. Rather than accept my views for what they were, he found it delightful I had any at all. The only time I felt my judgments mattered was when I was talking to Bates. _

_The conversation waned a little then between myself and the Duke. My argumentative streak somewhat cooling his interest in me. Thank God. Or so I thought. _

**~0~**

Dinner concluded, the party had retired to the drawing room for a nightcap. Standing to attention like I did so many times as a soldier, I was an attentive listener as the Duke worked his charm on Lady Anna. If you could call it that. She was displaying her feisty side. That was for sure. When her mother said she didn't run with the crowd, she wasn't wrong. But then it was one of the first things I observed about Anna.

'Lady Anna, would you like to take a stroll outside?' The Duke asked, standing up.

I shuffled nervously as Anna considered the Dukes proposition. Then she looked at me. I couldn't make eye contact with her, it would be unprofessional. How I wanted to, though. For her to look into my eyes and see how much I wanted her to say no to him. Again, respectability of my position and hers over ruled my instinct.

'Go on, Anna,' Oliver encouraged. 'We're just about done here anyway. Carson, you may clear the glasses and what have you.'

'Very good, M'lord.' Carson nodded, signalling for myself and Thomas to collect the glassware.

I watched her tentatively follow the Duke out of the room. She looked over her shoulder in my direction. This made me stop and think. She had been attempting to catch my gaze all evening. Beginning to explore the reasons behind why she might be doing that, I was brought crashing back down to earth by Mr Carson clearing his throat. I looked at him, distain the expression on his face, I was obviously taking too long about my tasks.

_**~0~**_

_We stood in silence for the most part, my thoughts elsewhere. We stopped just outside the main entrance to the house. It was a chilly evening, I standing with my hands rubbing my upper arms. I found myself in this situation many times. Men of the Duke's age would come to visit the house. At the end of the evening, my parents would engineer a way for myself and the next competitor, as it were, to be alone. For him to work his magic. _

_Don't get me wrong, some of them were nice enough. Reaching my middle to late twenties as I was now, finding a husband should have been top of my list of activities. Becoming older, I had become less judgemental, believing a handful of the men I kept company with to be potential husband material. Yet, I had never met anyone who had convinced me to take that leap of faith. _

_The Duke was definitely not on the list of husband material. Arrogant, pompous, too self involved. Hardly anything he said even remotely interested me and I took fun in reprimanding him on some of his opinions about society. Then I acknowledged what I had been doing all evening. Comparing him to Bates. _

_We had only shared a handful of exchanges, but Bates had shown me what it was like to be respected in just those small moments we shared together than all my suitors had shown me in my lifetime. The Duke saw my views as it being delightful for a woman to think such things before disregarding them. Bates took them on board and considered them. _

_Whilst sitting with Bates in the courtyard, he listened intently as I droned on about my beliefs on women's rights, on how people in positions such as myself should be allowed to do more with their lives without it staining their character. It was wonderful to be taken seriously for once, not to be considered 'eccentric Anna.'_

_'Lady Anna, might I say how utterly delightful you look this evening,' the Duke announced out of the blue, interrupting my thoughts. _

_'Thank you, Duke.' I smiled sweetly. _

_'I'm sure you must have many men on the hunt for you,' he continued. Hunt? He made me sound like an animal rather than a human being. 'You may talk too much than is good for you but that can be worked on.' _

_'I'm sorry,' I replied in shock, taken aback as to why on earth this man thought he could talk to me in this manner. 'I don't want to be worked on, thank you very much.' _

_'Then how do you ever expect to find a husband?' the Duke asked, his tone condescending. 'No one will have you unless you begin to know your place.' _

_'Know my place?' I gasped, disbelief written all over my face._

_'Your views have no standing in the real world. Women's rights, give me strength.' The way he laughed after that last sentence causing the anger inside me to reach boiling point. 'A woman like you should be happy to have someone like me willing to accept you as his wife. To be the mother to his children.' _

_'Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you Duke, but I'm afraid you haven't found your obeying wife in me.' I replied. 'I'd rather stay single than marry a man who had no respect for me. Good night.' _

_Without another word he left me outside on my own. _

**~0~**

Following Thomas down the stairs, we both stopped and watched the Duke storm inside, his face bathed in resentment as he reached us.

'Is she always like that?' the Duke spat, looking over his shoulder at the door he had just walked through.

'Like what, Sir?' Thomas asked.

'Headstrong. Opinionated.' the Duke replied.

'We couldn't possibly comment, sir.' Thomas said smugly. 'Are you retiring now, sir?'

'Yes, I'll see you in a moment.' The Duke replied, Thomas having been chosen to act as the Duke's valet on his stay.

The Duke continued up the stairs as myself and Thomas went to inspect if it was safe to secure the front doors for the evening. As so often recently, my mind drifted to Anna. I hope she wasn't too distressed.

Reaching the front doors, myself and Thomas observed her pacing up and down on the gravel, clearly agitated.

'Never known what's good for her, that one,' Thomas whispered. 'She has always believed she is more unassuming than she actually is.'

'Thomas, why don't you go and see that the Duke's needs are catered for.' I suggested. 'I'll make sure Lady Anna is alright.'

Thomas left my side then, almost half way up the stairs before it occurred to me to walk towards Lady Anna. We found ourselves alone again. Walking out of the house and towards her, I wondered if it was a good idea to approach her. She seemed angry, that much was for sure. Deciding to turn back and wait for her to come back inside the house on her own steam, it was too late as she noticed my presence.

'Bates,' she smiled. Thank God, she was smiling.

'M'lady, I just came out here to enquire on your state of mind. The Duke seemed troubled.'

'So he should, the way he just spoke to me.' Anna replied before pacing again. 'A man who considers himself a gentleman should never speak to a lady in that way.'

Intrigued as to why the Duke had made her so irritated, I opened my mouth to enquire her meaning but before my lips had a chance to form the words she was talking again.

'Certainly, my views verge on the far-reaching sometimes, but they are still mine. How dare he make such judgements on someone he barely knows?' She made a sound then, one that echoed her frustration as she clenched her fists in front of her.

Although it wasn't meant to, her ranting amused me highly. Not because what she was saying was funny. I admired the message she was trying to convey. I believed in rights for women, for them to be accepted as equals. For everyone to be accepted as equals no matter what their class, whether they were a man or a woman.

It was the way she was walking up and down, talking animatedly. She had worked herself up into quite a temper. She looked at my face, saw the grin spread across it as I watched her pace the gravel.

'What's so funny?' she asked, stopping to look at me. 'Don't tell me what I believe amuses you too.'

'On the contrary, M'lady. I am wholeheartedly behind your cause.' I replied, with all the sincerity I knew how. 'It's your life and you should be allowed to do with it as you wish without fear of condemnation.'

'Then why the grin, Bates?'

'It's the rage you have worked yourself into, M'lady. You look quite a sight walking up and down the gravel in your ball gown.'

Looking at me before looking down at her attire, I was relieved in the next instance to see her laughing. Her face turned more serious as her attentions returned to me. She slowly trudged across the gravel to stand beside me, the goose bumps on her arms indicating the freshness of the evening.

'He said some cruel things, Bates,' she whispered, her breath showing in the late night air.

'Did he, m'lady?' I said weakly.

'He told me I'd never find a husband if I didn't begin to know my place. If I didn't accept all I was good for was to be a wife and bear children to some rich man.' Her voice broke as she spoke, threatening to break my resolve to turn to her and pull her into my embrace. 'Does my outlook on the world make me that repulsive?'

'Not to me, m'lady.' was my honest reply. 'In fact, I admire the way you look at life. Not accepting the duty you were born into as the only way.'

'Oh Bates, why can't men my age and social class be like you?' she replied, laughing outwardly after she uttered those words, setting my heart beating a faster rhythm than it had in years.

How would I respond to that?

Myself and Anna. We could both want it to happen. Both want to give in to our needs, social class and age be damned. She felt the same way. I knew it. I could feel it. Deep down however, I knew it could never happen. It took her words just then to convince me of it. I just had too much respect for her father. And too much respect for her. She only knew the man I had become. She didn't know the things in my past that lead me to becoming that man. If she ever found out, her opinion of me would change, no question. Hurting her was the last thing I wanted to do.

'I'm sure there is one man out there, m'lady. Your equal in every way. One who will accept your values and love you because of them, not in spite of them.'

'I do hope so, Bates.' She sighed. 'I really do.'


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: **I do not own anything, all characters etc belong to ITV, Julian Fellowes, etc etc

* * *

Dressing his Lordship in the morning, I could garner enough information that I was to accompany him whilst he played golf. He enquired as to whether my leg would be able to cope with all the walking, I insisted it was my job to carry out the tasks he set for me and I would be able to manage.

He could sense I was preoccupied, that much I could tell. I was waiting for him to enquire of my health. It was all so uncomfortable. How would he feel if he knew it was his daughter that was the cause of my distraction?

She had openly questioned, almost bemoaning, as to why her suitors couldn't be more like myself. Proof, if it evidence were needed, that she felt something for me. Like I did for her.

And good Lord, how I felt for her.

Seeing her in her finest ball gown last night, the way she batted away the Dukes spiteful comments with ease and responded with confident responses of her own. The way she fights for what she believes in endears me to her. It's such a passionate quality for one to possess. Then, there were the occasions she would try and meet my gaze, trying to ascertain my opinions on what was going on around me. It was almost like she was looking for my approval.

Ever since our first meeting, it was like she had invaded my brain, the thoughts of her becoming almost obsessive. As soon as I awoke in the morning, as soon as I lay my head on my pillow at night, all there was, was Anna. I was slowly, but surely, beginning to believe that nothing mattered more than her.

Nothing.

**~0~**

_Bates walked me back inside after I had uttered those words. Not needing to say anymore. Neither of us wanting to open our mouths for fear it would ruin the perfect silence that had fallen between us. We could have spoken words more beautiful than the quietness, but convention had taught us not to. I had told him in those words how I felt about him. _

_'Why can't men my age and social class be like you?' _

_Every possible suitor I came across now would be measured up against him._

_How can you compare the incomparable? _

_We didn't even share words of a farewell, the way we looked at each other saying all we needed to. As he walked away, I felt like he was taking my heart and soul with him. They were his now anyway, as far as I could see. _

_We're not fools. Either of us. I know he feels the same. The way we are magnetically drawn to each other. Alchemy. That's how I've heard it described. _

_We both also knew that nothing could ever happen between us. As much as we wanted to. That realisation didn't stop me thinking about him. I had known him no longer than ten days. Why was it then, that the rest of the world vanished whenever he smiled at me.? The way he looked at me, like he knew me completely. _

_I am sitting at breakfast with my family, the Duke having left first thing. My parents didn't even need to ask me, they knew my having an opinion on everything under the sun had driven him away. Even though, in my social circle, marriage wasn't always first and foremost based on love, the fact was I would simply not devote my life to the duke or any character in the same mould as him. The rest of my life, god willing, would be a long time. On the other hand, life was too short. Too short to spend it with someone who would treat his wife the way I'm sure the Duke would treat the poor woman he eventually married. Because someone would marry him, I knew women in a similar position to me too well._

_'Anna, myself and Papa are playing golf later on. Would you like to join us?' Michael asked me, affording me a glance over the top of his paper. _

_'Yes, why don't you come along.' Papa agreed. 'We can ask one of the footmen to caddy for you.' _

_'I don't know,' I winced, the thought of walking around a golf course not really appealing to my idea of an exciting way to spend a day. _

_'Darling, it will be good for you,' my mother said. 'I heard that Timothy will be there...' _

_'Mother, does everything have to be about trying to pair me off with one man or another.' I interrupted as I turned to face her. Instantly knowing the harshness in my tone was unwanted, I relented. 'Alright, I'll go.' _

_'Great, we're leaving at midday. Mrs Patmore is preparing a picnic to take with us.' Papa smiled as he looked at Mama. _

_'May I be excused?' I asked, standing up. 'So I can go and get ready.' _

_Timothy was the son of Sir Peter Albury, a close friend of my father's since childhood. One of those people who was always there as I grew up. We got on well, he was a fine young man. We shared many interests. When we were alone together however, there was nothing there. No rush. None of the thunderbolts I've heard people describe. Not for me, anyway. Despite that, he was one of the few suitors I could eventually see myself settle for. _

_But I didn't want to settle. _

**~0~**

I stood by the car as Mr Moseley, Michael's valet and Thomas loaded the car for the short trip to the golf course. His Lordship and Mr Michael would go ahead in the new car His Lordship had splashed out on on his last birthday. Myself and my colleagues would follow on in one of the older vehicles.

Enjoying the quips being exchanged between father and son, I saw someone else appear out of the corner of my eye. Not even requiring a closer look, I instantaneously knew who it was. Turning my head, it was if everyone else had paled into insignificance as she walked towards us. Even dressed ready for a game of golf, she radiated perfection.

'Mr Bates, how pleasant to see you will be accompanying us,' she smiled.

'Of course, why wouldn't he?' Oliver replied. He believed it bothered me when people questioned my ability to carry out my duties although I knew he had misconstrued Anna's meaning.

I appreciated the way he defended me. Deep down, I knew it was because he blamed himself for my injury. It was true, I had acquired the wound whilst pushing his Lordship away from the force of a blast. However, I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. I prided myself on being a man of honour whilst I was a soldier. However, I am far from proud as to how I have conducted myself since I left the army.

The thought of Anna ever finding out chilled me to the bone. There was no reason for her to, I comforted myself with those words.

'Let's get going then, shall we?' His Lordship announced, walking around to the other side of his car.

Exchanging a shy smile, Anna was helped into the car by Thomas as I boarded the car behind.

_**~0~**_

_Once at the course, Papa set about organising our game as I waited outside with the staff and Michael. Thomas, Mr Moseley and my brother were discussing a recent cricket match in great detail, Mr Bates contributing sporadically. The conversation bored me somewhat. I was keen on playing sports, but not watching them. _

_Before I knew where I was, I found myself observing Mr Bates. I was simply drawn to him. The way he was standing intriguing me somewhat. I wondered if a man, albeit one with a cane, had ever stood so beautifully. My eyes travelled up, my mind briefly losing coherent thought as I observed the way his hairline curled against his neck, the wrinkles that formed under his eyes when he smiled. _

_'All set, chaps.' Papa announced as he left the clubhouse , bringing me back into the real world. 'Timothy is looking forward to seeing you later, darling.'_

_'Lucky Timothy,' I said dryly._

_'Right, so Bates is going to accompany myself, Moseley with Michael and Thomas will assist Anna.' Papa explained, much to my chagrin. _

_'M'lord, might I make a suggestion?' Thomas asked. _

_'Yes Thomas.' _

_'Forgive me for eavesdropping, but I believe yourself and Mr Michael have a wager on who will win.' Thomas began. 'Would it therefore not make more sense if I accompany his Lordship, Mr Bates could escort Lady Anna around the course? That way, the game will flow freely. Would it not?' _

_Who knew Thomas could prove useful occasionally, I quietly questioned. _

_'Well, I don't know...' _

_'Papa, I think that is a fine idea.' I interrupted, looking up at Bates. He was staring straight ahead. _

_Maybe it was a sign of arrogance, but I believed if he looked down at me he would risk showing signs of emotion, something which I had learnt he didn't desire to do in public. _

_'So it's settled,' Thomas smiled._

_Suddenly, knowing myself and Bates would be spending the most part of the afternoon alone in each other's company, I suddenly didn't feel much like playing golf. Papa would frown on us leaving the group completely, so I suggested we follow behind the group, keeping score perhaps. _

_'Very well,' Papa sighed. 'But if you aren't going to play, you're time would be better spent inside the clubhouse with young Timothy.'_

_'There's plenty of time for that, Papa,' I waved away his suggestion. 'Besides, I want to see who wins out in this titanic battle.'_

**~0~**

So this dear, sweet girl had engineered a way for us to spend the afternoon together. We followed a fair distance behind. Far enough so our conversation couldn't be heard, close enough for us not to draw suspicions.

'I hope you did not find my candidness out of place, last night Bates.'

Out of place? I found it most welcome. But I couldn't reveal that to her. 'Not at all, m'lady.' The interaction stopped there. His Lordship and Mr Michael were waiting to tee off, we were too close to continue the conversation.

His Lordship teed off, hitting a fine shot that hit the green. He and Thomas stood back to allow Michael to take his shot, all the time myself and Anna standing in silence. I was secretly praying our conversation would resume where we had left it. Once Mr Michael had taken his shot, the four of them bounded up the green, Anna and myself instinctively slowing down as we followed them. Opening my mouth to speak, I am relieved when Anna beats me to it.

'Do you appreciate candour, Bates?' She asks. I look down at her, the expression on her face indicating to me she is serious in her line of questioning. It had all come about so unexpectedly.

'I appreciate honesty,' I reply, trying to establish her meaning.

'So if I told you I meant what I said to you last night. That I wished all men could be like you, would you afford me some honesty in return, Bates?'

We stopped walking then to face each other, the rest of our party far enough away and too engrossed in their game to be concerned by what myself and Lady Anna were doing. Did I dare tell her what she wanted to hear?

'M'lady, I'm afraid...'

'I'm not daft, Bates. Neither are you.' She stops then to look beyond me. 'You are a man of honour. I understand that. I respect that. It's one of the things that draws me to you. It just seems unfair that it stops you from following your heart.'

I have to say something then. I look at his Lordship, expecting to feel something inside. Evidently, I feel nothing. No guilt. The only guilt I feel is that I have not been entirely truthful about my past. Anna is looking at me, the need in her eyes overpowering. For a second, I think about revealing everything.

But suddenly it washes over me. This propriety that I just can't release my grip on. She is worthy of a much better man then myself. Bowing my head, revealing a tiny part of what I'm feeling is no more than she deserves.

'M'lady, please believe me when I say how difficult this is for me.'

'Difficult? To follow your heart?' She says, anger recognisable in her tone.

'On the contrary, to not follow it.' I reply, reciprocating a fraction of the anger she has just shown me.

My answer stills her for a moment. As she processes what I have admitted to her, our eyes are fixed on each other. It is taking all my resolve not to give in to everything.

'You are the Earl's daughter, M'lady,' I continued. 'I am his valet. Now, I don't mind compromising my position, I could handle that. But you? Becoming a social outcast. Because of me? That is something I would find very hard to deal with.'

'So that's it?'' Anna shrugged. 'You've decided because of our positions that nothing should ever happen between us? What about the way we feel about each other? Love doesn't recognise class or age. At least to me it doesn't. '

If only that was all it came down to, I thought to myself.

'I have too much respect for you, M'lady,' is my simple reply. 'There is so much about me you are unaware of.'

'Anna, we're done now. You're old Papa won out in the end.' His Lordship called. 'Michael put up a good fight, but in the end he was no match for the old master.'

'Well done, Papa,' Anna called after him, mustering all her strength to stop her voice from breaking. 'We'll meet you back at the clubhouse, shall we?'

'Very well, maybe you could meet up with Timothy.' Her Papa suggested, the mere thought of Anna conversing with one her suitors right now tying my stomach in knots.

'Maybe,' she said weakly before looking at me.

Never in my whole life had I wished I could be something different. Someone different. Be the person she so desperately needed me to be. It broke my heart that I couldn't be that person.

_**~0~**_

_Bates had stood by coyly as I spoke to Timothy. As if our exchange on the course had never happened. _

_What had he meant when he said there was so much I wasn't aware of? What was he hiding? Did it really bother me that much? All his experiences, everything he had been through had made him the man he was. The man I had fallen in love with. And I was so in love with him. Even after this short time, but there was nothing I could do about it now. I was in too deep. _

_If I searched my soul, I knew he was right. He was my father's valet. It seemed ridiculous as I ran the scenario over in my mind. That is why, when Timothy asked if I would like to attend a concert with him in York, I said yes. If I were to marry, Timothy wouldn't be a bad choice. The only way to forget about Bates, was to accept who I was and follow the duty that had been set out for me. I tried to convince myself that love at first sight would surely wear off._

_After saying my farewells to Timothy, I stood outside next to Bates as Moseley and Thomas packed the car. I was now resigned to the fact I was going to pursue Sir Albury's son. It was the right thing to do, even if it did break my heart, and my spirit, to have to accept that. _

_'I am sorry, m'lady.' Bates announced, completely out of the blue. _

_'Don't worry,' I replied. 'But before we completely put this whole matter to bed, I just want to ensure that you know,' I stopped before looking up at him, his beautiful eyes looking straight back at me. 'Well, that you know.' _

_I love you, is what I was trying say. He smiles, and I take this to mean that he understands. _

_'I know m'lady,' he whispers. 'And I hope you know as well.' _


	5. Chapter 5

**Things move along a little. Have kept a similar story running from the actual show here. **

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing, all characters belong to Julian Fellowes, ITV etc etc

* * *

She and Timothy became engaged six weeks after our exchange on the golf course. It materialised that she and he had been courting on and off for some time. It was for the best. She knew it. I knew it. Nothing had changed though. She still set a fire inside me that I wasn't entirely convinced would ever, or could ever, be extinguished.

A few months had passed, Anna and Timothy were only a month away from becoming man and wife.

Getting on with my life, as I had done by carrying out my duties as Lord Grantham's valet, I had convinced myself that it was just an attraction. I prayed each night that the feelings I held for Anna would vanish. They never did.

We were never alone together. I made sure of that. I owed it to her to leave her alone. Anna was following her duty, living up to the fact of who she was and what was expected of her. I'd turned up and completely disrupted her world. She didn't need me complicating things any further.

For all I knew, she was in love with Timothy. She seemed to have forgotten all about the words we exchanged, the moments, albeit snatched ones, we shared. Either that or she was a very good performer. In the times I saw them together, they seemed happy enough. The quintessential engaged couple. Sharing shy glances, whispers to each other, holding hands. Breaking my heart.

What a fool I was.

She had found someone much more suited to herself. Someone who could give her so much more than I could. Someone who seemingly deserved to have her love. The man who, for as long as he lived, would be seen in my eyes, as the luckiest man in the world.

Anna aside, myself and His Lordship had formed a strong relationship, going back of course to our time as comrades in the war. Often he would confide in me, and I would be transported back to our times in Africa, when he would talk to me about his wife, his children...

I remembered he would tell me how his daughter, four or five at the time, was learning to horse ride, or how well she was doing in her education. I listened patiently to a Father cooing over his daughter. I was in my twenties during the war.

And these were the times that made me realise the practicalities why of Anna and I could never be. Not in the world outside my imagination anyway.

* * *

_The blushing bride, I was not. I despised all the ceremony that Mama had envisaged for her daughter. Papa had claimed that no expense be spared. The wedding was to be held at the house, a garden party on the lawn afterwards before returning inside in the evening for a reception ball in the grand hall. All very nice. I was very lucky. _

_It was my intention to accelerate our relationship along after speaking to him in the clubhouse at the golf course. I needed to for my own sanity. To put some sort of distance between myself and my feelings for Bates. _

_If Timothy had wondered why I was suddenly interested in him, he was very polite not to mention it. I soon found I was spending most of my time with him. Joining him on hunts. Walking together. Attending community events in the local village such as flower shows. We were getting along famously. Having known each other since we were children, I knew him and he knew me. This is why after a few weeks of this change in our relationship, he proposed. _

_I accepted, knowing full well I was settling for second best. _

_Deciding that Timothy need never know that, let alone Bates, I was putting on the charade as the happy future bride. Fiancée of a noble bachelor who I knew was going to treat me well. Who respected me. _

_Timothy had declared his affection for me when he proposed, revealing that he had loved me for years. He wasn't one to be taken for a fool though. He openly admitted to me that he knew I wasn't in love with him, but that if I accepted his proposal I might one day grow to love him. _

_No one was ever going to compare to Bates in how they made me feel. That was never going to change. But in Timothy I had found someone who growing old with didn't frighten me. It was never going to be passionate, or particularly exciting, but it would be comfortable. _

_I laughed when I admitted this to myself. For as along as I could remember I had promised myself I would only marry when I was truly in love. Still, Bates had made his position clear. He wouldn't budge. And he was right. Of course he was. _

_Besides, neither of us had any idea how we'd be if we were together. There were things I had to find out about him, things he needed to know about me. What if those secrets were so dastardly they put me off him. _

_Then again, I wasn't sure anything could change the way I felt._

* * *

Then it happened.

His Lordship had been with cold with me this morning. Whilst dressing he was distracted, his responses to me quick and sharp. It wasn't like him.

My mind began to wander. Mr Carson had received a letter yesterday from the house of one of His Lordship's cousins. Since then, it felt like everyone had been whispering behind my back. As soon as I sat down at the table in the servants hall, conversations stopped dead. My suspicions were proved to be with foundation when Mr Carson called me into his sitting room. This didn't bode well, remembering occasions when Thomas had been ordered to see him.

Stepping inside, I instantly noticed the letter on Mr Carson's desk. Standing in the middle of the room, Mr Carson stood behind his desk and looked at me.

'Mr Bates, I'll cut to the chase...'

'I'd appreciate that, Mr Carson.' I replied, eyes focussed on the letter he was now holding in his hand.

'One of the staff has received a letter from the house of a cousin of Lord Grantham's,' he began. 'Lady Flincher.'

'Oh,' I said weakly, almost immediately knowing where this conversation was headed. Here was my past, catching up with me.

'Did you not like to think we may want to know you were imprisoned?' Mr Carson asked me, his tone not so much angry as disappointed.

'I was trying to move on,' I said in response, not able to look the man in the eye.

'And you're married?' Mr Carson enquired, now holding the letter open in his hands. 'To a lady called Vera?'

'How do you know that?'

'Because this letter is from her.' Mr Carson revealed.

'Wait a minute, who did she write to..'

'I am afraid I can't reveal that, Mr Bates.' He interrupted me. 'I hope you know I have had to show this to His Lordship. He is considering his next actions at the moment.'

That explains His Lordship's coldness towards me. Realising my days at Downton were most probably coming to an end, my past since the army revealed, I offered to resign. Mr Carson pleaded with me to reconsider, to wait until his Lordship had made his decision.

Discussing the matter with His Lordship later that evening, he told me he couldn't believe that to be the whole story. He was right. It wasn't but the fact was I was imprisoned.

His Lordship decided to hold fire on the situation for now. Anna's and Timothy's nuptials were only a few weeks away. He knew me enough to allow me to remain in my post until after the wedding, disruption was not what he needed right now. However, he left me in doubt to his disappointment and that the matter would be investigated once Timothy and Anna were married.

However, only one persons opinion really mattered to me. Anna would no doubt find out. I was resigned to the fact I would most probably lose my job. I could cope with that. However, living in a world were Anna felt any bad feeling towards me.

That would destroy me.

* * *

_So that was what he had been hiding. He was married, an ex prisoner, a thief. It shocked me, I couldn't lie. Someone who had always shown himself to be an honourable gentleman, a war hero. Something about the whole situation felt wrong. Papa had requested the matter be forgotten about until after the wedding, but I couldn't let it drop. _

_Bates and I couldn't be together, that was bad enough. But to lose him completely, for him to be forced to leave Downton, I couldn't bear it. _

_Myself and Timothy were headed to London for a few weeks to visit some of his family before we married. They were to go travelling and it would have proved a hardship to cancel their plans so they couldn't attend the wedding. Timothy was keen for me to meet them before they left._

_I had engineered a visit to my father's former barracks, they would be happy to entertain the Earl's daughter and her fiancé for a few hours. Whilst there, I intended to do a little investigating. _

_There must be more to it. Maybe I didn't want to believe the man who I loved with all my heart and soul could be capable of such a thing. _

_I wasn't entirely convinced it would change my view of him, even if he was. _

_Timothy's family were pleasant enough, pleased he had found someone to settle down with at last. Where had I heard that before? I willed time to pass until we could go to the barracks. My mind would not rest until I had got the answers I wanted. _

_At the reception in the barracks, Timothy was charm personified, the perfect gentleman. Making me feel even more guilty that I could never love him the way he loved me. Leaving him in deep conversation with a friend of his father's, I walked across the room to a bookshelf. Reaching for one of the books upon it, I was interrupted by a hand on my shoulder. _

_'Excuse me, m'lady,' came a soft voice. 'You are Earl Grantham's daughter, are you not?' I turned to see a tall man, possibly the same age as my father. _

_'I am,' I replied. _

_'I served with him and John Bates in the Boer's.' he continued, ushering me to sit down. 'I know John Bates's wife. And what she's done.' _

* * *

The writing on the envelope was unmistakable. What did she want? Sitting alone in my room I turned the envelope over in my hands. As far as I was concerned, she didn't exist. I never wanted to lay eyes on her again. Breathing deeply, I began to tear the envelope open.

She wants a divorce. But Vera being Vera, she had to ruin my life beforehand. After finding out from a source within Downton of my whereabouts, she had sought legal advice immediately. Turns out she had found herself a new victim and she wanted to marry him as soon as possible.

I could never understand the ill feeling towards me in the house. Thomas and O Brien had it in for me from day one. I knew one of them had to be at the root of it, they were the ones who contacted Vera.

But fighting it wouldn't change a thing, My days at Downton were numbered. And Anna would never look at me in the same way again.

* * *

_So he had gone to prison. For her. Several other officers supported my father's former comrade's story. He'd done it because he felt guilty over mistreating Vera since his return from the Boer's, becoming a drunkard and neglecting her. She had stolen from the barracks, he took the punishment. _

_Upon his release, she had turned the tables and made it her mission to play on his guilt. Make his life a misery. Not wanting to live like that, he left. She had written to Downton to try and get Bates the sack, to disrupt his new start. If she couldn't be happy, neither could he. _

_Knowing what I knew now, it surprised me to realise it didn't alter a thing. It only made him more honourable in my eyes. _

_As soon as I arrived back at Downton, the two weeks since I had left could not have passed quickly enough. I immediately searched for my father. He was in his library and before I had even had a chance to greet him, he knew the whole story about Bates. _

_Begging him to forgive Bates for not being truthful, the words I had been willing to hear ever since I had found out the animosity over Bates position were spoken. _

_'I'll be happy to let Bates know he can remain in his post.'_

* * *

His Lordship's words had come as a complete surprise. But what took my breath away was the manner in which he had found out the truth. Anna. She had gone to London. To fight for me. No one had ever fought for me in my entire life.

Standing out in front of the house, I stood as music from the ballroom inside reached my ears. Lady Anna and Timothy were honoured to have a pre wedding ball, she would be taking his name in a few days.

I had decided to stay away, my shame at not being able to assist the footmen not the only reason this time. I had caught a glimpse of her as I left his Lordship's bedchamber, she was being helped down the stairs by Eleanor and her mother.

She turned her head and caught sight of me. I was smiling. How could I not? I had never seen anything so beautiful, so perfect in all my life. She was wearing a stunning red ball gown, her hair was up, the light reflecting off the soft skin of her shoulders. God could have struck me down there and then and I could have left the earth knowing I had seen the most stunning thing any man could ever see.

But she was about to become out of my reach forever. Marrying a man she appeared to love, who made her happy. And I was alone. Forever destined to be as well. If I couldn't have her, then I wouldn't have anyone.

A sudden gust of wind brought me back to reality. I needed to get away from that music.

Walking across the lawn, I reached the cluster of trees that had been the backdrop for the time I had come to Anna's rescue. This time, I reached the bench which was located under this natural canopy and sat down. I looked back at the house, lights shining from various windows.

Suddenly, a shadowy figure appeared a short distance in front of me. Completely lost in my thoughts, in my sorrow, I hadn't noticed someone walking across the lawn. Taking in the outline of the shadow, it didn't take me long to establish who it was.

'Bates,' she said in a soft voice.

'Lady Anna,' I replied.

* * *

_It was nice to hear the story in his own words. This was the first time we had spoken to each other since my return. I hadn't realised how much I missed being away from him until we were sitting together. Talking to each other felt so natural, so right. _

_'So now you know everything,' he told me, shifting forward slightly. _

_'Everything.' _

_'I want you to know m'lady, I could have lived with losing my job, But to know that your opinion of me had changed, that would near on finish me.' _

_There was a desperation in his voice, something I had never heard from him before. He had always been so guarded with his emotions. I looked at the house as silence fell between us. Now he was to be divorced, he would be free to do whatever he wished with his life. I wasn't free. And it hurt. I couldn't let Timothy or my family down now. The scandal would ruin us. Even one with free thinking views such as myself couldn't cause that to happen._

_Bates broke the silence. _

_'You're obviously very happy with Mr Timothy. I just wish I could have been everything you needed when you wanted me.' _

_He shocks me with his admission. I wanted him from the first moment I saw him. Something overtakes me then, I can't describe it but it is so overbearing I cannot hold in my feelings any longer. 'Bates, I have never stopped wanting you.' _

_'What?' he says weakly, turning to look at me. _

_'But what can I do? I can't back out now. It's too late. I am due to marry a man I don't love in a few days when all I ever wanted, the man I love, is sitting right beside me.' _

_He stood up then, picked up his cane and walked a few paces forward. Turning back to look at me, his eyes displayed evidence of tears forming. _

_'I once said to you I appreciate honesty, m'lady. Well, I am going to be honest now. Now I know you feel the same despite knowing all my flaws, about my past, I would walk into his Lordship right this second and declare my love for you.' _

_'You can't, Bates.' I said weakly. 'It would ruin my family.' _

_'I know, and I won't.' He replied, looking to the ground and blinking hard to stop the tears from flowing. 'But only because you have requested that I don't.' _

_'Bates, I do have one more request.' I announce, standing up and walking towards him. _

_Emotion has taken over me now, it is like I am not in control of my body. I reach for his hand. It is not lost on either of us that this is the first time we have touched, his gasp audible as I gently caressed his fingers with my own. _

_'What is your request, m'lady?' he asks softly, almost just mouthing the words. _

_'Kiss me.' _

_Before I have even had a chance to take a breath after uttering those words, his lips are on mine, his hands moving to my hips and moving me closer to him. The kiss is deep, more passionate than anything I have ever experienced in my life. No air can flow between us, he has us pressed together that tight. And I am crying. And he knows I am as he pulls away and kisses each tear as it falls down my cheek. _

_Resting his forehead on mine, the passion flowing through me means I haven't even noticed his is now holding both my hands in his. _

_'That doesn't even come close to telling you how I feel, but it is all I can offer.' He whispers. 'How I wish things were different, I was different.'_

_'I don't,' I reply through my sobs. 'I like you just the way you are. Never change.' _

_'One thing that will never change is the way I feel about you. I want you to know that I have loved you from the first time I saw you. Your determination, your exuberance. And I'll never forget that you fought for me.' His lips brushed lightly against mine once more before he moved back a few paces. _

_Giving me one more of the smiles that left me weak, he brushed firmly under his eyes before he walked away and back towards the house. _

_'I love you,' I said quietly, but he was too far away to hear._


	6. Chapter 6

**_Sorry for lack of updates, had a busy week. _**

_**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything, characters belong to Julian Fellowes etc etc _

* * *

_Walking through the gardens, a moments solitude, I should have been walking on air. Two days away from my wedding, the blushing bride. Nothing could be further from the truth. If I was thinking about any man, it should have been my future husband. My mind should have been full of wedding flowers and dresses._

_But it wasn't._

_It was full of him. Bates. The kiss we shared. If I closed my eyes it almost felt like he was still touching me. His hands possessive on my hips as he pulled me to him to close the distance between us, his lips on mine, my body reacting in a way I had never felt before. _

_Then he was gone. I had chosen duty over my own heart. And I was miserable. _

_Bates had told me in no uncertain terms the only thing stopping him from telling my family he was in love with me was myself. The whole situation was in my hands. That was the way it remained. _

_Walking a little further away from the house, I saw a familiar figure ahead of me. Playing a game of fetch with Isis, the family dog, was Michael. Approaching him, he smiled as he turned to acknowledge my presence. Calling Isis to him they came to the bench where I had decided to rest. _

_Myself and Michael had always been close, ever since childhood I could count the times we had exchanged a cross word on one hand. Being my older brother, he was very protective. He knew me inside out, and could tell I hadn't been myself all day. Sitting beside me, he gave me a look as if to ask what was troubling me. _

_'Do you ever wish we were just a normal family, Michael?' I asked. 'Free to do with our lives whatever we choose. Sometimes I even envy the staff, at least they choose to be here.' _

_'That's pretty strong,' Michael laughed. 'But I do know what you mean.'_

_'Our lives were mapped out for us before we were even born,' I continued. _

_'Yes. Just like Papa's was. And his father's before that, and so on.' Michael replied. 'You can either choose to feel blessed you were born into that, or like you have made no secret about, oppose the system so to speak.' _

_'Do I really go on about it that much?' I moaned, a little embarrassed. _

_'It's fine, Anna. We're used to it now. I personally agree with a lot of what you say. The times are changing.' _

_'They are,' I agreed. _

_'Anna, what's really bothering you?'_

_I turned to look at him, his face so full of understanding and sympathy I felt overwhelmed for a moment that I was lucky enough to call this man my brother. Suddenly, I heard myself finally admitting the truth._

_'I don't love Timothy. I don't want to marry him.' _

_'But Anna, my darling, we all thought you were keen on Timothy.' Michael replied. _

_'I like him. I do. Just not enough to be his wife.' _

_'Then why did you accept his proposal?' _

_I knew the reason. Only one other person in this entire world may now why I hastened the engagement, because he was the motive. I believed If I tied myself to a relationship with another man, it would mean what myself and Bates shared would become a memory. I would be married to another man and my feelings for Bates would fade._

_I was deceiving myself. _

_How would I answer Michael's question? I searched my mind for an answer. I couldn't tell him about Bates. The gossips would have plenty to fuel their fire with me calling off the wedding, let alone knowing it was because I was in love with my father's valet. _

_The solution I found was true, if only just. _

_'I just felt it was what was expected of me.' _

_'Mama and Papa would never expect you to marry someone if it wasn't what you wanted.' Michael explained. 'How could you ever think they would?'_

_'Oh, I don't know,' I exclaimed. 'Because Mama is always listing possible suitors.' _

_'They only want what is best for you. And marrying someone you do not want to is not good for you, Anna. You'll be miserable for the rest of your days.' _

_'Don't you think I know that.' I said weakly. _

_'You need to speak to Papa.' _

_'I can't call the wedding off now,' I stood up and walked a few paces away from Michael before turning to face him. 'Can I?' _

_'Come on,' he replied, holding out his arm to me. 'Lets go and find Papa.' _

**~0~**

Something was afoot. His Lordship had requested the servants didn't serve dinner tonight. His instructions were for the footmen to deliver it to the dining room but the family would serve it themselves. Thomas claimed to have seen Mister Timothy leaving the house earlier in the day, looking distraught. Whatever the matter was, Anna was involved.

Sitting in the servants hall, Eleanor was busy speculating as we sat waiting for our meal to be served. Half listening to her and her musings, all I was worried about was Anna. Had she revealed all about us? Surely I would have heard something by now. Suddenly, we were disturbed by a bell ringing. It was his Lordship's bell. Standing to my feet and feeling for my cane, a thousand things ran through my mind.

'Mr Bates, would you like us to put some dinner by for you?' Mr Carson asked kindly as I moved slowly around the table.

'No thank you,' I replied, offering the Butler a weak smile as I exited the servant hall.

Making my way to His Lordship, the only thoughts I was entertaining involved Anna. The need and want to see her and be with her impacting on my ability to think coherently about anything else. What had happened this afternoon?

Reaching his bedchamber, I stood in front of his door, looking to the heavens as I inhaled a deep breath. Making my hand into a fist, I knocked softly. Waiting for His Lordship's instruction to make my entrance, I almost shuddered as I heard him respond.

'Enter,' he said, his voice sounding tired.

I opened the door and crept inside the room, my eyes instantly searching for the expression on His Lordship's face. Making eye contact, it seemed like an age as I waited for him to speak. To say anything. The ambiguity was killing me.

'Bates, do you mind if I dress early for bed?' he asked, pinching the bridge of his nose. 'I've had quite a tiring day.'

'Of course, my Lord,' I replied, closing the door behind me. Walking towards him, I searched my mind for some way to persuade him to reveal more information. Despite some audible sighs and rubbing of his forehead, nothing else was said as I found His Lordship some bedclothes.

After a couple of minutes, he broke the agonizing silence that had fallen between us.

'The wedding has been called off, Bates,' he sighed as he buttoned up his shirt. 'Anna came to me this afternoon.'

'I see, M'Lord.' I replied, not turning around from hanging up his jacket at the wardrobe. 'I'm sorry to hear that.' I lied.

'Yes. She said she couldn't possibly marry a man she didn't love.' His Lordship continued, standing up as I held up his robe for him. 'Why she strung the poor chap along for all this time, I don't know.'

For a moment, I forgot our positions within the household as I offered His Lordship my opinion. 'Perhaps she felt she was just doing her duty, my Lord.'

'Her duty, Bates?' He questioned, attempting to ascertain my meaning.

'Yes, M'lord.' I nodded, wondering how I was going to continue this conversation without upsetting my employer and keeping the honour of the woman I loved in tact. 'A young lady in her position. Maybe she felt under pressure to find a husband.'

His Lordship looked at me, clearly running something over in his mind. 'Oh, Maybe you're right, Bates.' Relief rushed through me as His Lordship walked over to the mirror. 'If she wants to marry for love, then why doesn't she marry the man she is in love with?'

My pulse thundered in my ears as the words His Lordship had uttered reverberated around my head. 'Lady Anna is in love, My Lord?'

'Yes,' he exhaled deeply. 'But she wouldn't reveal his identity.'

I nodded in acknowledgement. 'Will that be all, M'lord?'

'Thank you, Bates.'

Walking to the door, I turned to look at His Lordship. Anna had stood up for me in the past, I felt compelled to do the same for her. 'Inform me if I am speaking out of turn, M'lord.'

'No Bates, I value your opinion.'

'Perhaps it's for the best, My Lord.' I began. 'She is your only daughter. Our situations are very different but I know if I had a daughter, I'd like her to be happy.'

'You're right, Bates. I know you are. But the scandal this will cause...'

'M'lord, forgive me for interrupting but the scandal will die down soon enough. Surely your daughters happiness is worth more than being the subject of gossip for a few weeks.'

'Yes Bates,' he nodded. 'I'll see you in the morning.'

Leaving the room, I shut the door beside me. My head was a whirlwind. Her family knew she was in love with someone. She had called off her wedding. Anna was free, we were both free, the only thing preventing us from being together was propriety and the high esteem in which I held her father. In which I held her.

'Bates.' The way in which she said it was so subtle for a moment I thought I had imagined it. Turning to my right, there she was. Her eyes swollen from crying, yet her smile was so beautiful. It was almost like despite the despair she had been through today, she had reserved one more smile to give to me. And I would treasure it.

'Lady Anna, are you alright?' I whispered, painfully aware her father was within the room I had just vacated. Moving towards her, she raised a hand to softly caress her brow as a solitary tear rolled down her cheek.

'I was wondering if you might meet me in the gardens. Where we spoke the...'

'The usual place?' I interrupted.

'Yes,' she nodded. 'The usual place.'

_**~0~**_

_I arrived there first, the need to get out of the house too much. The afternoon had been full of quarrels, difficult conversations but the overbearing emotion I was feeling at this moment was relief. It wouldn't have been fair to have embarked on a marriage based on lies. I couldn't do that to Timothy and I couldn't do it to myself. You only get one life, that statement was one that was never far from my mind. As I grew up and matured into the woman I now was, I had made a promise to myself that I would live my life how I wanted to live it. Marrying a man I did not love was not part of my plans. _

_Mama was upset, she was looking forward to the wedding and seeing her daughter marry. Papa was more disappointed, all the time and effort that had been put into making sure his daughters day was to be, in his opinion, all she deserved put to waste. Michael stood with me, shoulder to shoulder. Looking out for my best interests, as always. _

_Whilst in the library with my family, it was a split second decision to reveal I was in love with another man. It seemed denying to them my love for Bates was like denying the best part of myself. Of course, I would never have revealed his identity. Not without discussing it with him first. But at least my family knew I was in love with somebody. _

_Sitting on the bench I had sat on with Bates the night previously, I pulled my shawl tighter around my shoulders, waiting for Bates to make his arrival. My wait was short lived as the unmistakable silhouette of my father's valet became visible. Soon, his outline turned into more recognisable features. He was smiling slightly, his gaze fixed on mine. He sat beside me without saying a word. As soon as I felt his presence next to me, it was like all my cares had evaporated. _

'_I am deducing, Bates, that Papa has told you about the events of today.'_

'_You would be correct, m'lady.' he replied. _

'_And how do you feel about that?' I asked, looking up at him as he stared ahead. _

'_My feelings are irrelevant.' he replied softly. 'All that matters to me is you. If you are happy, even if your happiness meant you married another man, then I am happy.'_

'_Well, be safe in the knowledge, Bates, that although it's going to be stormy weather for a few weeks, I know I have made the right decision.' _

'_I'm glad m'lady.' he replied. 'I hope telling your parents about calling off the wedding wasn't too distressing. Or revealing all to Timothy. You haven't been far from my thoughts all day. To be honest, you are never far from my thoughts, M'lady.' _

'_Nor you mine. So what now?' I asked, rather naively. _

_Bates shifted rather uncomfortably beside me before replying. 'That, m'lady, is entirely in your hands.' _

'_All I know is I love you, Bates.' _

'_I love you too, m'lady.' He replied without missing a beat, looking into my eyes._

'_I'm not so sure Papa would be as thrilled with this admission.' _

'_No, m'lady.' Bates looked down. 'He wouldn't be.'_

'_All I know is I am never going to be happy with anyone else, Bates. Today has shown there is no point in pretending I would be.' I admitted before hazarding a proposition. 'I don't think we should reveal all just yet.' _

'_No,' Bates said in agreement. _

'_If we wait until the dust settles, the scandal of my calling off the wedding dies down.' I continued. _

'_I'll wait as long as it takes, m'lady.' _

'_I know you would, Bates.' _

_Suddenly, I began laughing. Calling the man I was in love with by his surname seemed too ridiculous. 'What could you possibly find amusing at this juncture, m'lady?' _

'_Nothing,' I replied, my laughter dying down. 'It just seems incredulous that I should be addressing you by your surname.'_

'_It's what duty dictates, m'lady,' he replied. _

'_Would you mind if I called you John?' _

_His smile was broader than I had ever seen it. Looking down between us, he lifted my hand in his and locked his fingers with mine. 'If that is what you would like.' _

_'Time, that is all that stands between us being together, John.' I said, lifting his hand to my lips and kissing it softly. _

_'As I said before, my love, you merit the waiting.' _

_He let go of my hand then, but only to place a strong arm around my shoulders. At this moment, nothing else in the universe existed but him as I wrapped my arms around his waist. We sat this way, for how long I couldn't measure. His grip on me tightened as I began to shiver against the cooling air._

_'Lady Anna,' he whispered gently. _

_'Please John, just Anna.' _

_'Sorry, Anna.' he corrected himself, a little hesitantly. 'Perhaps we should return to the house if you are feeling cold.'_

_'Yes, although I don't want this to be the last time we spend alone until we unveil ourselves.' _

_'How do you mean?' he asked as I sat up to look him in the eyes. _

_'Well, just because we aren't out in the open doesn't mean we can't find opportunities to be alone together. Even if it's just for a few minutes like this, even just once a week.' _

_I was begging, and the grin on his face seemed to suggest to me that he liked the idea. The truth was not being able to declare my love for this man publicly was difficult enough, however to not be able to tell him in private how I felt, to show him, was almost unbearable. _

_'I think I would find that very agreeable, Anna.' _

_Helping me rise to my feet, my breath was taken away as his hands moved to my hips, pulling me to him as they had done only the night before. This time, it felt different. Last night, the way he kissed me was almost in desperation. Like he had conceded I was to belong to another man. Now he knew I was undoubtedly his, and his touch was one of confidence. I was melting in his embrace as he placed a gentle kiss on my cheek. _

_Closing my eyes, I almost drifted away as he continued to trail his kisses from my cheek to my neck. The sensations building up within me were new to me but were feelings that I found I enjoyed. My gasps were clearly perceptible as he stopped what he was doing to look at me. _

_'Are you alright, m'lady?' he breathed. I nodded in response, attempts to answer him with words would be futile. Protests at his forgetting to call me Anna fruitless. 'I don't think walking you back to the house would be appropriate, so would you like me to wait then follow you in a small while?'_

_I nodded again, although I was already aching at just the thought of being away from him. Removing his hands from my waist he reached down and took my hand in his. Our eyes now locked on each others, he let go of my hand and moved his slowly to rest on the side of my face. Turning my head slowly, I kissed the palm of his hand. He closed his eyes as he registered my touch before pulling my face closer to his. _

_'Goodnight, Anna,' he whispered before his lips were on mine. _

_If this was how I reacted whenever he kissed me, then I never wanted to be kissed by anyone else for the rest of my life. Pulling away, my hand still wrapped in his, he was quick to smile as I took a step away from him. _

_'Goodnight John.' _


	7. Chapter 7

**Thanks for the reviews so far. The whole story is planned out and has been for some time so I know exactly where Lady Anna and John are going :)**_  
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**I understand this story is a bit far fetched, but I wanted to choose a subject which I hadn't read in another fan fiction. It's quite a difficult story to write. I know Anna and John fell in love quickly etc but I am a firm believer in the actual show they were in love within the first two episodes. I wanted to reflect that in this story. **

**I apologise for the odd mistake/typing error. It's not an excuse but I am the only person who reads this before I upload.**

**Disclaimer: Everything belongs to the Lord and Master, Mr Fellowes etc etc **

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_The identity of my secret love was often a topic for conversation over breakfast with my family. Every time, I would refuse to give him away. The scandal would damage the family enough when we eventually revealed ourselves, let alone now when I had just jilted my fiancé. A man who came from a well respected family within our social circle. The repercussions didn't bear thinking about._

_Then there was John. He consumed my every waking thought. We had our secret meetings, they had been all I lived for in the past eight weeks since I called off the wedding. Each one, he said something, or did something, or looked at me in a certain way that made me fall more in love with him. _

_The secrecy wasn't perfect, the way he made me feel compelled me to want to shout it from the rooftops. However, we both understood revealing all just wasn't an option. Not for the time being, anyway. Although, there was something exciting about the mystery. It felt incredibly romantic that only we knew about it. I'd see John when everyone else was around. The looks we shared across a crowded room, knowing what we both knew, I found myself struggling to breathe on occasions. _

_We had become surprisingly skilled at engineering our times to be alone. My being the daughter of the Earl helped, obviously. Beneath the trees before I retired to bed being my most favourable meeting point. Sitting under the trees, under the stars, wrapped in each other's embrace, talking about everything and nothing. The evening would always end with the two of us sharing a kiss. _

_Remaining reasonably self assured during our conversations, once his confident hands were on my waist, I felt completely out of my depth, helpless. He was the limit to my experience with men, no one had ever kissed me or held me in the manner in which John did. His experience often leaving my head in a daze, and I couldn't get enough. _

_Any suspicions to my late night strolls remained hidden as we managed to see each other in this manner two times a week, sometimes more. Our meetings were not limited to these late night encounters, however. _

_More and more, I found excuses to make my way down to the servants quarters. Mama grew suspicious, of course she would. Papa was much more laid back, just leaving me to my own devices. Truth was, spending time with the servants was when I felt most comfortable. Birthright had given me my position in society, however my beliefs and values didn't coincide with my class. _

_Time spent with them wouldn't only be exclusively with John. Before John had arrived at Downton, I would visit the servants a handful of times a week. I found it conducive to alleviating the boredom. Mr Carson would often talk to me, the Butler a mainstay though out my childhood. For as long as I could remember, he had been there. _

_If they found my presence in their domain unsettling or dare I admit it to myself, annoying, they kept it well hidden. Eleanor, my ladies maid, was my main confidante within the house due to the lack of a sister. Not being able to share my deepest yet happiest secret almost killed me. She would sit at the table in the servants hall, mending something of mine or going about her other tasks, listening to me with the utmost respect and patience. Then he would walk into the room and everything else would fade in comparison as our eyes met._

_With it being summer, John had taken to carrying a lot of his tasks outside. Whether this was because of the hot weather, or because it meant we could be alone in each other's company, I didn't like to speculate. I believed in my heart the latter was true, _

_however I wasn't arrogant enough to believe wholeheartedly this was the case. His words and actions indicated his devotion. However, I still couldn't quite believe another human being possessed feelings that strong for me. _

_Sitting beside him in the courtyard, we often just sat without a word spoken between us. It wasn't an awkward silence. The quiet between us illuminating how comfortable we felt in each others company. Never enquiring about his thoughts on the subject, I could speak for myself when I said the age gap between us never even entered my conscience. We were both adults. I was twenty seven years old, old enough to make my own decisions. I was a woman. He was only a few years younger than my father yet the chemistry between us wasn't forced. It just felt so natural. It felt right to be with him._

_And on returning to my bed after our midnight meetings, how much I wished he was returning with me. _

**~0~**

Acquaintances had been made between myself and others downstairs, the footman William and the chauffeur, Branson, being the most significant. Eleanor was a kind, gentle soul and I had gone out of my way to ensure our relationship was one which was built on a solid footing. She was, of course, one of the few people in the house who knew Anna intimately. Mr Carson and Mrs Hughes were pleasant enough, however Thomas and Miss O Brien seemed to harbour hostile feelings towards me from the beginning. Thomas's reasons became apparent soon after I was reinstated. He wanted my job. O' Brien however, whom I found out was the author of the original letter to Vera, her motives were much harder to fathom. Still, I was used to their resentment by now. They sat on one side of the table, I sat the other and we all went about our business.

I often found it a struggle to remember the real reason why I was at Downton, when someone had walked into my life and completely turned it around.

It was her. Anna. She was the one I had been waiting my whole life to meet. In the darker nights I had experienced, reading literature about people falling in love, cynical me almost laughed at the notion that there was one person for us all in this world.

I had even promised my life to another woman. Throughout the marriage, I knew deep down I was settling for Vera. I was never in love with her. It wasn't until I met Anna that I truly understood what it was to be in love. Vera and myself met when we were very young. Lonely, we each thought the other was what we had been looking for and fell into a marriage. It wasn't always a loveless relationship, I shared a passionate relationship with my ex- wife. In the beginning at least. Then, circumstances and life experiences changed us, the Boer war changed me. Divorce was inevitable from the moment I stepped back on home soil.

Events unfolded in the way they did between the two of us, and the fallout from that lead me to Downton. And to Anna. Beautiful, sweet Anna whom I was soon believing to be my saviour. Everything happened so rapidly yet so naturally.

And she had fought for me. Initially to keep me at Downton, then in calling off her wedding. She could have fulfilled her duty, and I wouldn't have blamed her if she did. Yet she didn't. For everything I had done wrong in my life, I must have done something right along the way. I was at a loss as to what I have done to deserve her. I'd be a fool to question it. Each day waking up knowing she was in love with me, it made me feel so alive.

Waiting for her to meet me in the gardens, I would feel slightly guilty as I stood alone in the darkness. Then she would be by my side and almost instantly we weren't employer's daughter and his valet. We were simply Anna and John. In those moments, when it was just me and her, nothing else mattered. Often, at the height of our more passionate clinches, it took all the strength I could muster not to walk right up to His Lordship and tell him all about us. However, I had too much respect for him. And for Anna. It was going to have to come out into the open eventually. We both knew that. For the time being we seemed content enough with it being between the two of us.

It never went further than a kiss. For me, at this juncture in our relationship, it didn't need to. I knew Anna must have been innocent when it came to matters like this. She was growing up the daughter on an Earl, a lady. Someone certainly worthy of a man better than myself. The subject hadn't been broached in the few weeks our relationship had developed, much to my relief. We weren't ready and I certainly wouldn't compromise her position in that way.

Back in my room at night, I would think about Anna and out situation. It wasn't ideal but I could honestly say I didn't care. We didn't see each other every day, at least not to spend time alone together. It made the times were together more precious. When I said goodbye to her, particularly at night, I ached. It was a bizarre sensation, one I had certainly never experienced before.

_**~0~**_

_Walking the corridor of the servants quarters which lead to the courtyard, I felt the same familiar sensations I always felt when I knew we would be back together again. Opening the door, I stood still for a moment, taking in the sight of him. He had discarded his jacket, the summer sun rendering it redundant. Slowly making my way towards him, he was clearly lost in what he was doing as he didn't turn to look at me until the very last moment. _

_'Afternoon, M'lady,' he said, smiling at me as I sat beside him. 'How is one this fine summer's afternoon.' _

_'All the better for seeing you, sir,' I replied. 'Polishing Papa's shoes, I see.' _

_'Nothing gets the better of you, does it my love.' he answered half mockingly. 'Come to make sure we are behaving below deck?'_

_'Yes, amongst other reasons,' I gently nudged against him. 'Anything I can do to help?' _

_He shook his head, gently laughing to himself. 'Just keep me company, sit beside me, that's all I need from you.' _

_'Well, I think I can manage that. For a little while anyway. Mother wants me to accompany her into Ripon a little later.' _

_'Doing anything nice?' he enquired, not looking up from his task. _

_'The dressmakers. She has to keep up to date with the latest fashions. She said she may even treat me.' _

_'Well, I'm certain seeing you in a beautiful ball gown will be like all my birthday's coming at once.,' he replied, catching my gaze and affording me one of his beautiful smiles. 'And talking of birthday's, it's mine tomorrow.' _

_'Tomorrow?' I exclaimed. 'Why did you never mention it before?' _

_'No one's ever really cared if it's my birthday. Not recently, anyway. I'll probably receive a letter from my mother...'_

_'I care,' I interrupted. _

_'Well, thank you.' John replied, humble to a fault. 'Before I was so rudely interrupted, I was going to ask if we could arrange a meeting tomorrow night. A present for my birthday so to speak.' _

_'Yes. Of course.' I agreed, maybe a little too eagerly as another small laugh escaped his lips. However, my mind was already concocting something a little more substantial than a short encounter in the gardens. 'I better be getting back upstairs.' _

_'If you have to,' he sighed, putting the shoe he was polishing on top of the crate behind him. Looking around to ensure we couldn't be seen, he took my hand in his._

_Our gaze locked on each other's then, the way he was looking at me causing my whole body to weaken. Like it did every time he looked deep into my eyes. _

_'I'd kiss you now if I could. I always want to kiss you.' _

_'Tomorrow night, it won't be long.'_

_I walked away from him, looking back as we became further apart. Like I always did. Upon reaching the door, I was surprised to see it ajar. Walking inside, I saw Miss O' Brien standing a few feet away from the door, looking through her button box. _

_'Everything alright, O'Brien?' I asked, the atmosphere turning awkward. _

_'Forgive me for saying so, m'lady, but you do spend a lot of time outside with Mr Bates.' _

_I was taken aback by her forthrightness. 'Excuse me?' _

_'I mean, you chat to Daisy, Eleanor and everyone else in the servants hall, why don't you wait inside for Mr Bates to return from the courtyard?' _

_'Not that it's any of your business O' Brien, myself and Mr Bates happen to have a lot in common.' _

_'Sorry m'lady, I was just...' _

_'Well don't, ' I replied, brushing past her before leaving the servants quarters. _

_**~0~**_

_Leaving Mama alone for a moment, I knew she wouldn't notice. When being fitted for a new gown, she drifted off into her own little world. I stepped out into the street, and looked in both directions. With it being John's birthday, I had decided it would be the least I could do to buy him a gift. Walking a few paces down the street, I remembered a jewellers that stood a few minutes away from the dressmakers. Upon reaching it, I spied a gold pocket watch in the display window. It was something I knew John would love. Papa hadn't questioned when I asked for some money to take on our trip, thank goodness. Using the money he had given me, I purchased the pocket watch before quickly returning to Mama. She had been growing suspicious of my behaviour and I didn't want to give any reason to fuel the fire._

_Sitting for dinner with my parents and my brother that evening, my mind was on other things as Mama explained in great detail her new gown to my Papa. Michael would do what he always did and make interested noises whilst being bored to high heaven. _

_'It was lovely material, wasn't it Anna?' Mama asked me. I heard my name and looked up. 'Anna?' _

_'Yes,' I said, not entirely sure what had just been asked of me. _

_'Honestly Anna, you head is always in the clouds recently,' Papa said sternly. 'We are sitting at dinner, would you do us the courtesy of listening to the conversation?' _

_'Sorry Papa,' I replied, sitting up in my seat. 'What did you ask Mama?' _

_'Never mind,' she smiled, squeezing my hand. 'Don't be so hard on her, Oliver.' _

_'Hard on her?' Papa hissed in the direction of Mama. 'Do you know my hunt tomorrow would usually involve at least ten more men? All cancelled in loyalty to Timothy and his father.'_

_'Come on Papa, it's all been done now for weeks, you're overreacting,' Michael said in my defence. 'Would you really want Anna to enter into a marriage she didn't want?' _

_Papa sighed and looked at me then. Head resting on my hand, clearly distressed by his outburst, I saw him in the corner of my eye inhale deeply. _

_'No,' he relented, sighing as he replied to my brother. 'Sorry Anna.' _

_'It's alright,' I said weakly before looking up to look Papa in the eye. 'I'm sorry I caused the family all this trouble.' _

_'No matter, it will all die down soon enough,' he smiled before continuing to eat. _

_'I heard a whisper from William it is Bates birthday, tomorrow.' Matthew said, changing the subject without realising he wasn't changing the subject much at all. _

_'Really?' Papa raised his eyebrows. 'He kept that quiet.' _

_'He doesn't seem the sort to make a big fuss out of these things.' Michael shrugged. 'Although, he may appreciate the afternoon off tomorrow? We are out on the hunt, he won't be missed for a few hours.' _

_Michael's suggestion got me thinking. As Papa had just shared, he was to go hunting tomorrow afternoon joined by Michael and a few of our other acquaintances who hadn't dismissed him as a result of my actions. Mama was accompanying my grandmother to a flower show of some sort, the decision not to go with them being welcomed. Seemed I had really set the cat amongst the pigeons by jilting Timothy. Tomorrow afternoon, I would be the only member of the family still in residence at the house. If John was granted the afternoon off, a picnic would be the perfect way to celebrate his birthday. There were some grounds near the house but far enough away for us not to be noticed that I knew very well. _

_'Very well, the man deserves it.' Papa agreed. 'Having to put up with my ranting recently. I shall inform him tonight.' _

**~0~**

His Lordship's offer of a few hours to myself on my birthday was very welcome. When he was off out on a hunt or a similar activity, I found myself at a loose end as to what to do. Mrs Patmore seldom needed help, and the chores I needed to carry out for his Lordship I managed to keep on top of with minimum effort.

Deciding to spend the afternoon in my room reading, I had visited His Lordship's library to choose a book to accompany me before heading down to the servants quarters to have lunch. Once down there, I noticed a few more bodies than would be deemed normal in the kitchen.

Then I heard her laugh. That unmistakable sound that made my heart miss a beat. Slowly trudging towards the kitchen door, I stood there for a moment, unnoticed. Watching her. She was laughing at what Mrs Patmore was saying as Daisy and Eleanor placed different items in the picnic basket set on the worktop. Taking in the view, completely mesmerised, her eyes dancing as her amusement grew. I realised she was the best birthday present I could ever ask for.

'What's so funny?' I asked, all three women immediately stopping what they were doing.

'You'd only find it amusing if you were of the female species, Mr Bates,' Mrs Patmore replied.

'Well, I won't continue my line of questioning any further then.' I replied, making sure I looked Anna in the eyes before walking past the three of them to pour myself a drink of water.

'Thanks for your help, ladies,' Anna said, picking up the basket and walking to the door.

'Have a lovely afternoon, M'lady,' Eleanor called after her.

Turning my head at the sink to look over my shoulder, I saw her beaming away at me. What was she up to? Reciprocating her smile with a smirk, she was gone. Walking away from the sink, I nodded at Mrs Patmore, Eleanor and Daisy before leaving the kitchen to take my seat in the servants hall. Stepping out into the hallway, I turned for the dining area when I heard a noise coming from under the stairwell. Suddenly, I noticed Anna peering her head around the stairs, ushering me towards her with her index finger.

As was now habit, I looked in both directions, watched a group of servants enter the dining hall before joining her out of sight

'Happy birthday,' she said sweetly, before kissing me on the cheek.

'Thank you,' I whispered, stroking my cheek where her lips had just touched.

'You have the afternoon off, I believe?'

'I knew you had something to do with that,' I replied. 'Why have you made a picnic? Not that it's any of my...'

'Don't eat too much at lunch.' she interrupted, before a devilish smile spread across her lips.

'What?' I replied, looking at the basket she was holding.

'Meet me at the front gates at two. I have a surprise for you.' With that, she scurried up the stairs, turning back to look at me before disappearing.

My dear sweet girl had gone out of her way to spend my birthday with me. God was smiling upon me the day that she walked into my life. Turning away from the stairs and back into the corridor, I stopped dead as I saw Mrs Hughes standing before me. A feeling of joy soon turned to dread.

_'_Are you joining us for lunch, Mr Bates?' she asked, an ambiguous look on her face.

'Yes, I'm on my way, Mrs Hughes.'

She nodded and smiled before turning away from me, leaving me in a state of confusion. How much of the conversation had Mrs Hughes heard?


	8. Chapter 8

**Events take a steamy turn in this chapter. A picnic away from the house, how could they not? Rating moved up. I have never written T (or maybe M?) rated stuff before so I hope this is okay. I have read this through 3 times so I apologise for any errors.**

**Disclaimer**: I do not own anything, all characters belong to Julian Fellowes etc etc

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Looking at myself in the mirror, I grimaced at what I observed. Never having been vain, not in terms of my appearance anyway, it's not pleasant to see what time does to the body. At the age I had just reached, most men were married with children. If someone had asked me where I would be at this stage of my life, I would have indeed replied married and a father. Yet, events had dictated that being blessed in that way had never materialised.

When my marriage broke down, I never imagined I'd have a similar relationship again, let alone fall in love. Yet, here I was, preparing myself to meet up with the object of my affections for a birthday picnic. Before coming to Downton, so many lonely nights had been spent searching my soul for a reason to carry on. A higher power had made this happen, I had no doubt. Someone has sent her to me, to give me a reason for living again.

Laughing softly to myself, I briefly wondered if she ever chided herself over her appearance whilst looking at her reflection in the mirror. She had no reason to, she was the personification of perfection.

My outfit wasn't anything special. A tweed suit and my valet's livery the only clothing I owned, apart from a few shirts. It was all that was needed for a servant. John Bates was never invited out on hunts, or upstairs as a guest for dinner.

Noticing the time creeping ever closer to two, I reached for my stick which was positioned on the end of my bed. Walking to the door, I hung my overcoat over my arm and preceded out of my room. The rest of the servants would be going about their tasks for the afternoon, silence like this was a rarity.

Making my way to the servants quarters, I reached the bottom of the stairs and turned to make my way down the long corridor to the back door. Only a few footsteps away from the staircase, the familiar sound of key's jangling reached my ears. Looking over my shoulder, Mrs Hughes was coming out of the servants hall.

'You off out, Mr Bates?' she asked in her distinctive Scottish din.

Reminding myself of what she may have heard earlier, I felt slightly uneasy. She didn't mention anything more about it over lunch, whether that was because she heard nothing or because she wanted to keep it confidential I didn't know. Thinking on my feet, I attempted to throw her off the scent.

'I am, Mrs Hughes,' I smiled, engineering a story in my mind. 'As you know it's my birthday today. I received a letter from a cousin a few weeks ago in which he said he may be in the area for a couple of days, today being one of those days. We've arranged to meet at a public house in Ripon, I am going to sit in there for a few hours and see if he decides to turn up.'

'Oh right,' she said in response, smiling weakly. 'On your way, then.'

Thinking I had been successful in my attempts to cover my tracks, so to speak, I nodded in the direction of Mrs Hughes and continued on my way. A few feet away from the door, I had realised she hadn't moved from her position at the top of the corridor. Looking over my shoulder, my eyes confirmed what I had sensed and I turned so I was facing her.

'Everything alright, Mrs Hughes?'

'Just be careful, Mr Bates.'

With that, she continued up the stairs before I had an opportunity to ascertain her meaning. Pausing briefly, I looked to the heavens and exhaled deeply before exiting through the door.

**~0~**

_Standing by the front door, I watched as the carriage carrying Mama and Granny made it's way down the gravel towards the main gates of the house. Ten minutes until I met John, and time was passing so slowly. Like it always did when we were apart. _

_Walking back inside, I looked in the picnic basket, which Eleanor and Mrs Patmore had helped me to organize. Making sure the small box which held John's gift was still there, I closed the lid. _

_'Are you well, m'lady?' I was startled by Mr Carson, calling to me as he exited the library. _

_'Quite well, Mr Carson,' I replied, standing up. _

_'Very good, M'lady,' he smiled. 'Don't think me over curious, but what were you doing under the table?' _

_'Err, it's a picnic basket, Mr Carson. I am going for a picnic.' I continued to walk past him before he began to talk again. _

_'I see, m'lady. Anywhere nice?' _

_Sighing, hoping it wasn't too audible, I turned to look at him. 'Just nearby, I'm meeting a friend.' _

_'I hope your afternoon is agreeable, M'lady.' With that, he continued on his way as I hurried towards the stairs. _

_After making final adjustments to my appearance, I walked out of my room and heard an animated discussion being had in the main hall below me. Moving myself to a position where I could see who was talking, I noticed it was O' Brien and Carson who were deep in conversation. _

_'Miss O' Brien, you've seen something and decided to think of it what you wish ' Mr Carson said sternly. 'Lady Anna has always spent time in the servants quarters, even before Mr Bates arrived to work here.' _

_'Yes, Mr Carson, I understand that,' Miss O Brien replied. 'But she never spent time alone with anyone. She is out there with him in the courtyard sometimes for up to an hour at a time.' _

_'Perhaps she has found some common ground with him.' _

_'Maybe, or perhaps there is more to it than meets the eye.' _

_'Enough, I will not hear any more of this. I will not entertain what you are trying to suggest.' Mr Carson was very nearly shouting now as Miss O Brien continued to speculate. 'Lady Anna and Mr Bates? It is a ridiculous notion. Get back to your duties, and I will not hear any more of this.' _

_'But Mr Carson...' _

_'Miss O Brien. I will remind you of your position in this house. Please do as you are requested to.' _

_I watched as Miss O Brien walked in one direction, Mr Carson the other. John had commented to me the hostility he received from Miss O Brien and Thomas. This was the first time I had seen it for myself. However, the fact was not lost on me that Miss O Brien was on to us. If she was prepared to try and get John out of Downton by any means necessary, what did that mean for our future? _

_We were always going to have to admit out feelings for each other eventually. However, I had never allowed myself to think about when. For the first time since the shift in our relationship, I was seriously considering whether we should reveal ourselves before someone else did it for us. _

_Almost running down the stairs, needing to be with John, I picked up the picnic basket from the table and hurried down the gravel towards the gates. _

**~0~**

Upon meeting with Anna, it was obvious she was feeling slightly distracted. We shared a simple nod to acknowledge each other before she gestured for me to follow her. Following her down the lane near the house, we walked for a few minutes before we reached a gap in the hedge we had been walking alongside.

Once through the gap, a small clearing by a stream was revealed to us, the brick wall adjacent to the stream indicating to me for the first time how extensive the grounds of Downton Abbey were. Anna walked a short distance to a tree and placed the picnic basket she was carrying on the ground beside it. Still, no words had been spoken between us as I walked towards her. Still clearly flustered, we made proper eye contact for the first time we had been together this afternoon. I didn't even have a moment to ask her what was troubling her before it all came spilling out.

'Miss O Brien suspects us,' she said, a look of panic spread across her face. 'She was telling Mr Carson how I seem to spend a lot of time with you on my visits to the servants quarters.'

Suddenly, Mrs Hughes suspicions and questions made sense. Miss O Brien had been angling for a way to get rid of me from day one, this was the next in her line of attempts to out me from my post.

'Mrs Hughes has been asking a lot of questions of me recently,' I replied. 'She even told me to be careful before I left just now.'

'So what do we do?'

'How did Mr Carson reply?'

'He dismissed her. Said the idea of the two of us together was ridiculous.' Anna replied dismissively, looking into the distance over my shoulder. I had never heard doubt in her voice when discussing our relationship before.

'And do you believe that? That this is ridiculous?' I had to ask.

Our eyes met again, and I almost gasped as she placed a soft hand on my cheek. 'This is all I am living for.'

Smiling, I closed my eyes as she placed her sweet lips on mine. My arms now around her waist, I drew her nearer to me as the kiss became deeper. As she pulled away, I could resist gently brushing my lips against hers before we parted completely. I was feeling bolder. It certainly wasn't lost on me that this was the first time we had been alone together away from the grounds of the house.

'In response to your question, what do we do?' I said, resting my forehead against hers. 'I say we enjoy the time we have together now, then face what may be ahead of us when we return to the house later on.'

_**~0~**_

_After the initial panic, caused as a result of Carson and O Brien's conversation, had died down myself and John found a dry piece of ground beside the tree to eat our picnic. Soon enough, I had forgotten all about what I had heard seen before I left the house. After we had finished eating, the sun was shining, resulting in John discarding his jacket. _

_Leant against the tree, tie and collar now also removed, he sat and watched me as I cleared away what was left of the food I had prepared. I knew he was watching me. My actions had his undivided attentions, it wasn't only the weather that was making me feel warm. Looking at him over my shoulder, he was smirked as my eyes met his. _

_'What are you thinking, Mr Bates?' I asked, turning to face him. _

_'I'm not sure it would be entirely wise to share my thoughts right now, m'lady.' he replied, his smirk growing bigger. 'If I am to keep up my reputation as a gentleman.'_

_As I registered his meaning, I looked at him and he raised his eyebrows at me. Suddenly feeling very flustered, I dropped the plate I was holding. The effect his words had on me, the way he had said it, stirring new sensations I had never felt before. It was certainly the most daring thing he had ever said to me. Maybe it was the situation we found ourselves in, away from everyone. Alone. _

_I moved on my hands and knees and sat beside him. 'If I ask nicely, would you share your thoughts with me?' _

_'Let me show you what I am thinking.' _

_John sat up away from the tree, immediately his lips were on mine, completely taking my breath away as he ushered me gently towards the ground. The top half of his body was resting on mine, pinning me to the ground. His hand was gently moving up and down my side, his touch becoming more bold as the kiss became more passionate. Feeling his hands on me, an overwhelming feeling spread throughout my body that surprised me somewhat. No man had ever touched my intimately, I had never wanted anyone else to. This was different, I wanted John to. The overriding emotion was that I wanted more. I needed more. _

_Giving me more evidence that we were perfect for each other, he must have read my mind as his hand moved lower to rest on my belly. Urging him to move further, his hand remained there as he turned his attentions to kissing my neck, frustrating me somewhat. As I gasped in exasperation, he raised himself up to look me in the eyes. He was looking at me in a way he never had done before. _

_'If you want me to stop, just say so.' _

_'On the contrary, John.' I breathed, placing my hand over the top his which was still resting on my stomach. 'Please, don't stop.' _

_I think my forthrightness must have taken him aback as his movements stilled. 'What do you want, Anna?' _

_Feeling completely out of my depth, I turned my head and averted my eyes from his. Moving his hand from my middle, he brought it to my face and turned my head so I was looking at him again. '_

_'Don't be shy, it's me,' he said softly before I felt his hand on my belly again. Our gaze on each other, I remained silent as he waited for an answer to the question he had just asked. It was almost a relief that he began speaking. 'I won't dishonour you, Anna. Especially not here. Not in the circumstances we find ourselves in.' _

_As soon as the words had left his mouth, I knew that wasn't what I wanted. Not yet. I just needed some kind of release, I was ready to understand what it felt like to be touched intimately by the man I loved. By John. _

_I rested my hand on top of his once again and before I had a chance to think about it, I was moving his hand lower. He was a man of the world, he understood what I wanted as his hand moved to hitch up my skirts. If felt so natural as I lifted my hips from the ground to make the task easier for him. _

_'Only if your sure, Anna.' _

_'Please,' I replied, almost in desperation. _

_Months of built up desire had been leading to this moment. Expecting to feel nervous as I felt his knuckles brush against the top of my leg, a dull thud began to ensue in my most intimate place. He wasn't even touching me yet, the anticipation almost too much to bear. He gently shifted my undergarment down my thighs. Groaning outwardly, the sounds escaping from him were some I had never heard before. Registering where his touch was, I locked my eyes with his as he gently pushed one finger inside me. _

_I inhaled sharply, his finger stilled as I adjusted to the feeling of him touching me there. Pressing his lips against mine, I reciprocated his kiss with fervour as I became accustomed to the situation I now found myself in. Instinct was telling me to raise my hips, the throbbing down below becoming difficult to ignore any more. _

_'You're so beautiful,' he murmured as his finger resumed it's movements. I moved my hips to meet his fingers, my thrusts becoming quicker as small tremors began to surge within me. Biting my lip, I did so to stop myself from crying out. The sensation completely overcoming me, the way this man was making me feel rendering me helpless. And falling in love with him even more. _

_In the next moment, I was undone. _

**~0~**

As she came back to her senses, I pulled her tightly into my embrace. Feeling like she needed me to hold her, I knew she had never experienced anything like what we had just done together. As her breathing slowed, I kissed her forehead.

'Are you alright, my love?' I asked, wanting to ensure she was feeling comfortable with what had just happened.

'More than alright,' she replied gently, resting her head on my chest. 'Your heart is beating quickly.'

'I'm not surprised.' I replied, still feeling the effects of watching her writhe and groan underneath my touch. The way she bit her lip, the noises emanating from her, the feel of her silky skin beneath my fingers. The whole experience still had me completely aroused.

Leaning up on her arm, I smiled as she traced her fingers across my lips. I didn't stop her as her hand moved from my face down my body. As her hand moved lower, I took hold of her wrist. Looking her in the eye, she seemed confused as to why I had stopped. her. I needed her to know I expected nothing from her. This afternoon would only remain wonderful in my memory if she was feeling entirely comfortable with everything that was happening.

'Anna, you don't have to.'

'I want to.' Her tone of voice was beyond perfection as I allowed her hand to continue on it's journey. 'Show me how.'

Unbuttoning my trousers, I didn't need to show her much as she moved her hand to were I so desperately needed it to be. Gasping out loud, I put my hand on the back of her head and moved her towards me, needing to feel her lips on mine. Placing my hand on top of hers, I guided her to move her hand up and down, my hips matching her movements in the same way hers had matched my fingers only moments previously. My groans were becoming louder now as her hand moved faster and faster. She continued moving her hand, placing warm kisses on my neck. I am sure my heavy breathing was expressing my full age but she didn't say anything.

Because it was her, it didn't take long before I was spent.

**~0~**

We lay beside each other for a while then. This was the most peaceful I had felt in a long time, I didn't want this moment to end. Our relationship was different now. We had this new element to us, it felt more real to me somehow. If a man could feel honoured in this kind of situation, then that was how I was feeling. I was the first man to experience this with Anna and was flattered it was me she had chosen.

'We should get back,' she said, almost in regret. 'Papa will be back from the hunt soon.'

'Don't worry about O Brien, I'll talk to her.'

'Fine. But we're going to have to reveal all at some time,' she replied, sitting up to look at me. 'You know that, don't you?'

She was right, but I wasn't completely convinced now was the right time to do it. His Lordship was still unhappy with Anna, telling him now would only make things worse.

'I do, my love.' I replied, sitting up beside her. 'But not yet. Your father is still coming to terms with what happened with Timothy, this would only antagonise him further.'

'You're right, I know you are.' she sighed. 'But I am getting tired of hiding. It makes what we have together seem wrong.'

'It won't be forever,' I replied, gently stroking her back.

'No,' she replied, smiling at me. 'I do love you.'

'And I love you. No words could ever express how much.'

'I've got you a present.' She reached inside the picnic basket and pulled out a box. Handing it to me, I took it from her. Opening it, I revealed a gold pocket watch, one of the most beautiful time pieces I had ever seen.

'I'm overwhelmed, it's wonderful.' I said, taking the watch from it's box before kissing her on the cheek. 'Thank you.'

'Is it alright? I had no idea what to get you...'

'You didn't have to get me anything,' I interrupted. 'I will treasure it.'


	9. Chapter 9

_**I may not be popular after this chapter, but please stick with this story. It would be boring if it was all plain sailing. Bates POV in normal font, Anna in italics.**  
_

_**Disclaimer: **I do not own anything, all characters belong to Julian Fellowes, ITV, etc_

* * *

_From my families quietness on the matter, I assumed the conversation between Carson and O'Brien hadn't come to anything. Something inside me didn't really care if they knew or not now, especially after our exploits yesterday afternoon. I was now convinced, if I wasn't already, that John was where my future lay. Fully prepared and willing to give up everything for him, he was the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. _

_Last night, as I lay in my bed I relived what happened between us. The way his hands all over me left me feeling so alive. The noises that escaped him. All as a result of my touch, my caress. The desperation I felt to let him have his pleasure too. This must have been what it was like to be truly in love. _

_My father was holding a garden party at the house the next afternoon, the reason being trying to mend fences that had been torn down since my jilting Timothy. Making my way down to the servants quarters in the morning, intent on suggesting to John that we come out to my family, I was acutely aware that certain people were suspicious of us. It would be silly of myself to search out John straight away. Looking into the servants hall, I remember Eleanor had mentioned to me earlier she would be mending some of my clothes. There she was, sitting opposite William, the footman. Walking in, she smiled as she noticed me, William stood up. _

_'Don't stand up on my account, William,' I said, walking around the table to sit beside Eleanor. _

_'Sorry m'lady, it's what I've been trained to do.' William smiled awkwardly and sat back down to continue polishing the silver. _

_'I should have this finished by lunchtime, M'lady,' Eleanor said, trying to thread her needle. _

_'It will take as long as it takes, Eleanor,' I replied before curiosity got the better of me. 'Where is everyone?' _

_'Thomas is helping Mr Carson check the wine stocks, Mrs Hughes is going over some accounts in her sitting room, the other maids will be about cleaning and Miss O'Brien is with her ladyship.' I nodded in acknowledgement of Eleanor's reply, painfully aware John hadn't been mentioned. _

_Silence fell between us all then, William and Eleanor busy about their tasks, me desperate to see John. Every time someone walked into the hall, I would look up, praying for it to be him. Soon O' Brien, Thomas and Daisy were all sitting with us, the servants sharing conversations I really wasn't qualified to participate in. _

_O 'Brien must have noticed my awkwardness, her gaze angling in on me and her hands stilling from their task. 'M'lady, are you waiting for Mr Bates?' _

_I looked at her, not quite able to believe what my mother's ladies maid had just asked me. Then I turned to Thomas, smirking over the top of his paper. Everyone had stopped what they were doing now, all eyes on me. Then he appeared. Looking at me, he then turned his attentions to the back of O Brien. _

_'Why would her ladyship be looking for me, Miss O'Brien?' He asked, walking around the table to sit in the vacant chair beside me. _

_'Well, err..' O Brien had no response as John settled into his position next to me, placing the book he was reading on the table in front of him. _

_'Come on, Miss O 'Brien' Eleanor chipped in, a puzzled look on her face. _

_'Fancy a smoke?' Thomas asked his under pressure colleague, standing up and moving away from the table. She got up and followed him without another sound. I looked up at a grinning John, my heart beating hard in my chest. _

_'Well, that were weird,' Daisy announced, standing up and making her way out of the servants hall. _

_'Daisy, I was wondering if I might have a word,' William began, walking out of the hall after the kitchen maid. _

_'I best be getting on too,' Eleanor smiled, also leaving the servants hall. It was like the fates were smiling on us, leaving myself and John alone. _

_'Thank you,' I said softly. 'How are you?' _

_'All the better for seeing you,' he replied, almost in a whisper before turning his chair to face me. 'Yesterday afternoon will live long in the memory.'_

_'I'll never forget it,' I agreed. _

_I allowed myself for a brief second to be transported back there. Touching each other intimately, permitting myself to be almost completely at his mercy. Nothing in my life had ever felt so natural. Hiding it felt almost immoral. So wrong. In that moment, I remembered my primary reason for visiting downstairs. _

_'Miss O 'Brien wasn't wrong, I was looking for you,' I admitted. _

_'Well, I'm flattered,' he replied, taking my hand in his. _

_After deciding to meet each other in secret, we had never openly discussed coming out into the open until yesterday. Looking down at our fingers entwined, I carefully regulated in my mind what I wanted to say. Inhaling deeply, trying to calm down my breathing, I realised what I was about to ask him could make or break us. _

_'John,' I began, looking to the door to ensure no one was about to disturb us. 'O 'Brien is on to us.'_

_'She's always on to something,' John said, dismissing my concerns. 'She'll be poking her nose into someone else's business soon enough.' _

_'I think we should tell my parents about us.' _

_There. I had said it. And the look of dismay on his face wasn't convincing me our thoughts were entirely on a par. His lack of a response wasn't helping matters either. Then suddenly all I could think of was his confession to me the night before I called off the wedding. How he would have gone into the house there and then and tell my father he was in love with me. What had changed? _

_'Anna, I'm not sure...'_

_'What? What are you unsure about?' I whispered, the harshness to my tone not only surprising him, but me as well. _

_'This afternoon your father is holding a garden party, hoping to repair relationships that had broken down after...' he stopped then before looking down to the floor. 'Have you really thought this through?' _

_'What do you mean? Our future? I've thought of nothing else for weeks, months even.' _

_'Anna, if we come clean, I will be immediately dismissed.' he explained. _

_'Yes, we both know that.' I shrugged my shoulders, amiss as to what he was trying to suggest. 'The night before my wedding you were willing to march right up to my father and tell him you love me. What's changed?' _

_'But I was in danger of losing you then. Anna, believe me when I say I want to be with you,' he continued. 'But the practicalities don't make it feasible for us to be together at the moment.' _

_Furious. That was how I was feeling as I heard those words fall from his mouth. Did he not realise what I had given up for him? My family could have shunned me and others in our social class wouldn't have batted an eyelid. My relationship with my father was irreversibly changed forever. He was saying we should carry on with the secrets because of 'practicalities.' _

_'What do you mean, practicalities?' I asked, removing my hand from his. _

_'Anna, if you're father dismissed me this evening, where would I go? What would I do? I have nothing to offer you.' _

_'All I want is you,' I replied, looking over his shoulder at the door to ensure we were in no danger of being interrupted. 'What would you have to offer me further down the line than you would now, anyway?' _

_'I just want to make sure you certain this is what you want.' he answered. 'Then we can make plans.' _

_'I thought cancelling my wedding would prove to you this is what I want.' I retorted. 'My mind is made up, John.'_

_'Anna, I can't do it. Not today.' _

_Up until now we had never exchanged a cross word. Weak was never a word I would associate with the man sitting before me. But that was how he was sounding to me right now. If he wasn't willing to take this leap with me now, then would he ever be ready? _

_'If not today, when John?' I asked, standing up. 'We can go to my father this afternoon, everyone will be here. If people had their suspicions about us, well we can quash them in one fell swoop.' _

_'Let's wait,' he reiterated. 'I don't want you to regret anything. I'll start making plans for finding somewhere for us to live. Find a new job. I'll be left with nothing if we do it now.' _

_'Nothing?' I was yelling now, and I didn't care. He stood up, his hands forceful on my shoulders, attempting to calm me. 'Aren't I enough?'_

_' Nothing is the wrong word,' He said, pinching the bridge of his nose and closing his eyes. 'Of course you are enough.'_

_'Then prove it,' I said weakly. _

_'I love you, Anna.'_

_'And I love you. But it's not enough anymore.' _

_With that, I left him standing there, my mind a mixture of emotions, my mind in a state of confusion, my heart aching with love for him. Yet that love was tinged with the tiniest bit of resentment. Why wouldn't he do this for me?_

**~0~**

Walking around in a daze since she had left me, I longed to find her and explain further my reluctance to reveal ourselves. It wasn't just fear of losing my job, it wasn't out of the respect and high esteem I held her father in, it was for her. After yesterday, I knew I had never been in love before. I knew because I had gone through so much in my life. She was still so young, so innocent. Was she sure I was all she wanted if she had never experienced anything else? Fears I had been harbouring for weeks were suddenly coming to the fore.

Ashamed. That's how I was feeling. As soon as I had her away from prying eyes, I let my guard down. I touched her in ways she had never been touched before, she felt things she had never felt because of me. And here I was today asking her to keep our relationship quiet because I had nothing to offer her. What sort of man was I?

Wandering the gardens, I kept myself to myself as his Lordship entertained his gathered guests. My thoughts mostly limited to his daughter, I watched him and imagined the look on his face when I told him how in love with her I was. I had looked up to this man for so long.

Confusion reigned as I played the scenario over in my mind. Part of me, lots of me wanted to begin our life together right now. Real life wasn't that easy. My love for Anna couldn't be denied, yet I knew in my heart keeping it a secret until we were better prepared to deal with the repercussions was the best option. I needed to convince Anna of this, promise her we would be together. Once we had arrangements in place, and once she was convinced this was what she really wanted.

Entering a marquee in which Daisy was busy pouring drinks, I noticed Anna talking casually with Eleanor. She looked resplendent in a floral dress, her hair curled. Perfection. Laughing, she looked over Eleanor's shoulder and saw me staring.

I smiled. She didn't. And my heart sank.

Making her excuses to Eleanor, she made her way over to me. Standing with her arms crossed, animosity from her towards me wasn't something I was used to. Although it was all I deserved.

'Anna, please let me explain,' was my weak opening to the conversation.

'I'm listening,' she replied.

Painfully aware we were in sight of others for a moment I thought about asking her to join me somewhere in private. However, I soon realised suggesting that would be the worst thing I could do. Focussing, getting what I wanted to say straight in my mind, I began to talk.

'I want to be with you. I want to spend my life with you.' I began. 'But I want you to be sure this is what you want.'

'John, what is it going to take to convince you I am sure,' she argued, arms still crossed. 'We can go to my father right now, tell him how we feel then begin our lives. My family may disown me but at least we'll have each other.'

'But it's not that easy.' I reiterated. 'I only have enough money to stay in a local inn for a few nights. Then what? The strain we'll be under, I'm afraid you'll end up resenting me.'

'We'll be together, that's all I've ever wanted.'

'Anna, please try and see it from my point of view.' I was becoming agitated now, trying to make her see sense. 'We wait a few more months, I can get some money together...'

'Excuses. That's all it is, John.' Anna replied, her voice tinged with the tears that threatened to show. 'It's today or not at all.'

'Anna, please.'

'What's it going to be?' She held her hand out for me to take, I'm sure intent on leading me to her father. Staring at it, I was willing to take her hand in mine. But the messages from my mind weren't reaching my arm.

'That's it then,' she said, the tears now openly flowing.

Turning around, I bowed my head. I couldn't watch her walk away from me. It was a vision I didn't want to have stored in my memory.

**~0~**

Reaching my room after seeing his Lordship ready for dinner, I was startled by Mr Carson calling at me from down the corridor. Walking towards him, he was holding a telegram in his hand.

'Mr Bates, this has just come through for you.' He said, handing me the paper.

'Thank you,' I said, barely looking at him as I took the telegram.

'Everything alright, Mr Bates?' he asked.

'I'm perfectly well, Mr Carson,' I lied. 'If you'll excuse me.'

Walking into my room, dropping the telegram on the table by the door, I let the solitude engulf me as I finally gave in to the tears that had been building up since she left me. Was having nowhere to go really that terrible a notion if we were together? It would be difficult, of course it would, but I'd rather a life of struggle with her, than a comfortable one without her.

In that split second, I decided she was more important to me than anything. My relationship with His Lordship. My job. My self respect. She was my everything. Turning on my heels, my fists clenched I made my way to the door. Out of the corner of my eye, I remembered the telegram Mr Carson had handed me only moments previously.

Picking the paper up, expecting it to be something from the tail end of my divorce proceedings, the reality of what it entailed reverberated around the room. I could barely believe the words I was reading. It was detailing the inevitable, yet you never really envisage the day it becomes a reality. The need to sit down overpowering me, I sank down onto my bed and began to sob uncontrollably.

My mother had passed away.

_**~0~**_

_Over breakfast the next morning, I had feelings and was thinking things I never thought I would feel or think about John. We could have been together right now, in each others arms. Yet we weren't. Because he had lost his nerve. _

_Mother was quick to mention my father's absence this morning, I had to admit it was rather strange he was yet to join us. _

_'He's probably having a lie in,' Michael suggested, honouring us with his attentions for one second before looking at his paper again. 'He deserves it after the success he made of the garden party yesterday.' _

_Michael was right. Papa had been on a charm offensive, people finally forgiving my raucous actions and accepting it should have no bearing on their opinions of my father. I did regret the consequences calling off the wedding created, yet I wasn't sorry for not entering into a marriage I didn't want. Even though in the end it didn't ensure I spent the rest of my life with the man I was in love with._

_Finally, Papa entered the dining room looking slightly perplexed. _

_'Are you quite well, Oliver?' Mama asked, looking up from her breakfast. _

_'Not really, Bates has had to head down to London quite unexpectedly,' Papa revealed. _

_'Why?' I asked, my tone panic stricken. Had he left me completely? _

_'His mother.' Father continued as he sat at the table. 'She's died.' _

_And I cursed myself for being so self absorbed. _

_'Poor Bates,' Michael said. _

_Suddenly I regretted my actions yesterday. I acted like the spoilt child I had insisted and tried to convince people I was not. I needed to be there for him. And he was gone before I'd even had a chance to see him. _


	10. Chapter 10

**Not entirely happy with this chapter yet I have tinkered with it for the past three hours and can't think what else to do with it. It basically gets us to a certain point in the story. I have unashamedly taken some dialogue from the show and put it in here, see if you can spot it ; )**

**Mostly in Bates POV, Anna in italics. Apologies as a couple of reviews have requested more from Anna but I wrote this before I read them. I have taken that on board and will keep it in mind for future chapters. **

**Disclaimer: **All hail Lord Fellowes, ITV etc etc...

* * *

Death is a strange, mysterious thing. We all know it's inevitable, it comes to us all yet when you cross it in your life, nothing can ever quite prepare you for the grief it brings. Especially when it happens to the one mainstay in your life. My mother had always been there.

When I was with Vera, a letter from her once or twice a month or visiting her was a nice distraction from the nightmare my life was back then. Moving to Downton, and the fast evolution of my relationship with Anna, the distance between us meant I didn't see any harm in letting her know about my falling in love with the Earl's daughter. She would send me advice in her correspondence, not to get in over my head, to respect the family who had given me a chance. Yet, as my feelings grew my mother had encouraged me to follow my heart. She had never recognised class or even age as a barrier for love, my own father a number of years older than her.

When I arrived in London, I had meeting after meeting with my mother's lawyer and met with some of her acquaintances. Talking to these women helped to ease my grief.

Conversing with a couple of her closest friends, they told me how she had revelled in telling everyone I had met someone new, although she never revealed her identity.

It was a comfort for me to know that Mother didn't know how things had ended between myself and Anna before she died. She left this world fully believing her son was happy and in love for the first time in his life.

Being her only son and my father passing away years before, it meant I was the solitary beneficiary of my mother's estate. It surprised me to discover she had saved a substantial amount of money over the years. The lawyer revealed she had joked the primary reason was in case I ever gave her a grandchild, to give them some stability in their life. It would need it with parents like myself and Vera. I laughed to myself as the lawyer retold the story, thinking that was my mother, honest to a fault.

Mother's house was also left to me. For a couple of sleepless nights, I honestly considered moving back down to London. With the money Mother had accumulated and the house in a very decent condition, I could live a comfortable life. Finding a new job would have proved necessary but I couldn't imagine not working, even if I didn't need to.

Then she would come into my thoughts. Anna. It seems losing your mother and love of your life in one afternoon wasn't conducive to a decent nights sleep. Even if I did now have the courage to approach His Lordship, I couldn't be certain she was still willing to go through with it now. However, the thought Anna may change her mind once she realised my change in circumstances kept me going. Of course, I'd rather have my mother back than ensuring mine and Anna's happiness in this manner, but the money I now had meant I could offer Anna a future.

London was a wonderful city, I had called it home for many years. Yet, it also held some bad memories. Moving to the North, Yorkshire in particular, had completely turned my life around. It wasn't only finding Anna, the community spirit I experienced whenever I ventured into the local village was akin to nothing I had seen before. My mind was made up. I would sell mother's house, using the money from the sale to purchase my own home near Downton Abbey.

Next came my hardest decision. I knew I couldn't work at the house. I intended to hand in my notice. If the situation between us remained untenable, seeing Anna every day would prove too much for my heart to bear. If she still wanted me, I would have to leave anyway. There were always advertisements for jobs in public houses, something like that would be suitable. To wait and see how this new chapter of my life would pan out.

Aside to the house, and her money, mother had also left behind some other personal belongings. The furniture I sold with the house, the cost of moving it up to the north more than it was worth. The jewellery she had acquired didn't really interest me either. That was except for one piece, left to me personally with a note written in her will that her lawyer revealed to me. She specifically asked me to keep it, just in case the need should arise to give it to someone else. It was her engagement ring, the ring my father had brought for her at least sixty years previously. A sapphire set in diamonds sat atop a simple gold band. I already knew who I wanted to give it to.

If myself and Anna were to have a future together, we would have had to do it properly. Living in sin with me simply wasn't an option for a lady such as herself. Besides, I wanted Anna to be my wife.

If we were to attain her parents approval, and I wasn't holding my breath that we would, then an engagement may go some way to achieving an understanding.

I had requested a month away from His Lordship's employ, giving me an opportunity to look for a new home although I didn't reveal to him the real reason. Having been back in the North for a week or so, I quickly found a beautiful cottage in Kirbymoorside, a bus journey away from Downton. It was fully furnished, the previous owner wanting a quick sale before sailing away to see what the wonders of America had to offer. I envied them, that they harboured that ambition and were able to fulfil it.

Still, as I sat in my new living room I was content with the direction in which my life was headed. Then, as was unavoidable with my life at the moment, my thoughts drifted to her. In my head, I would visualise Anna standing at the stove, laughing to myself as she struggled to carry out tasks a woman of her class had never even had to contemplate, breathing in her scent as I stood behind her and came to her aid. Then I looked to the stairs. Envisaging leading her up those very steps each night, to our bedroom and everything that image brought with it.

Knowing I would have to remain at Downton to work my notice, it was my plan to visit the cottage on my half day. Preparing myself to leave, I picked up the envelope which held my notice, from my desk. Sure this was the right thing to do, for my sanity and for Anna, I secured my cottage and left to return to Downton.

**~0~**

_He was coming home. Father had announced over breakfast that he would be returning this evening. I couldn't wait to see him, to tell him a life without him in it didn't even warrant contemplation. Since he left I had only existed, nothing mattered but him and his welfare. Telling my family about us seemed irrelevant, my main concern being to be there for him at this most terrible time in his life. _

_Knowing that seeking him out as soon as he arrived back wasn't in either of our best interests, I resigned myself to the possibility tomorrow would be the first opportunity I would have to see him. We prepared for dinner in the usual manner, my father would see John as he got dressed. Reminding myself that questioning my father too far on John's condition would raise suspicions, I promised I would seem disinterested and appear simply pleased he was feeling better and able to return to work. _

_Once sitting for dinner, Papa was unusually and most annoyingly to me, quiet and distant. Waiting for Mama to pick up on this and enquire about why this may be the case, I became frustrated and decided to take matters into my own hands. _

_'Papa, are you alright?' I asked as William offered me the gravy. 'You seem perplexed.' _

_'That would be because I am.' Papa replied, helping himself to some meat from the serving plate Thomas was holding. 'Bates has tendered his resignation.' _

_And with those five words my world came crashing down around me. _

_'What?' Mama asked. 'Why?' _

_'He didn't go into details, just thanked me for giving him this opportunity but he didn't feel he was able to carry out his tasks to the best of his abilities anymore.' _

_'The leg must be catching up with him,' Michael suggested, much to my irritation. _

_'Why would you think that?' I asked him, my appetite deserting me as I put my cutlery down on the table. My tone of voice must have registered with my family as all eyes were directly on me. I tried to divert their attention. 'When is he leaving?' _

_'He is going to work a months notice, to give me time to find a replacement.' Papa began. 'This has just come completely out of the blue. I know he's grieving but this is out of character. Getting dressed and undressed is an intimate business, I don't want just anyone doing it. Myself and Bates, well we have history. We have a mutual respect for each other.'_

_And with those few words I suddenly understood John's reluctance for us to reveal our love to Papa. They went back years, went into battle with each other. No other soul could imagine what they had experienced whilst in the army together. Telling his old comrade he was in love with his daughter would have been one of the hardest tasks he would have ever had to fulfil. And I expected him to do it at a moments notice. _

_Fear began to fill my mind. Given time to reflect, having to deal with the grief of losing a parent, would John have changed his mind about me? About us? I felt ashamed at the way I acted before he left, I wouldn't blame him if he had realised giving everything up for me would have been the wrong decision to make. His reasons for stalling were perfectly valid. We would have been together, but where would we have gone? My position would mean we couldn't stay in the area. Not if we didn't want to put up with the gossip. _

_Dinner passed so slowly, Papa whining over the loss of a valet, the need to see John overwhelming me. Instead of joining my family for a nightcap after dinner, I asked if I could be excused. Once in my own company, feeling suffocated inside I decided on taking a walk in the gardens. _

_Reaching the trees, the meeting place for myself and John on so many occasions, it was like I was magnetically drawn to this secluded area. Resting on the bench, I thought about all the memories myself and John had created here. The thought that we wouldn't add to those memories shaking me to my core. _

_I couldn't have been sitting here long, no more than twenty minutes, before I saw a figure approaching me across the lawn. As it got nearer, it became more familiar before it became unmistakable. It was John. All at once, my emotions overtook me as I stood up. Before I had a chance to take a breath I found myself running towards him. The relief I felt as he held his arms outstretched to take me in his embrace indescribable. _

_'Please forgive me, I acted like a spoilt child before you left.' I murmured against his chest._

_'I've missed you so much,' he whispered, kissing the top of my head as I wrapped my arms around his shoulders. 'I needed you, how I longed for you to be beside me.'_

_'I'm so sorry I couldn't be there, by the time I found out, you had left.' Pulling away from him slightly, I looked up to meet his gaze. 'I do hope you are alright.'_

_'I wasn't,' he replied truthfully. 'But now I have you back in my arms I am feeling much better.' _

_'You're leaving.' _

_'Yes,' he nodded. _

_'Where will you go?' I asked him as he took my hand and led me to the bench I had just left to run into his arms. _

_'My circumstances have changed,' he replied, not letting go of my hand as we sat down. 'Mother left me some money, much more than anyone thought she had. As her only beneficiary, she also left the family home to me. ' _

_'In London?' I asked, processing what John was trying to tell me. _

_'I sold the house in London. Although there were some good times, the bad memories outweigh them. There is nothing left for me down there now mother has passed away.' _

_'So what will you do when you...' I stopped mid sentence, the thought of him not being with me too much to bear. _

_'Anna, if you still want to go through with this I now have the means to do it.' he replied, stroking my cheek, my breath stilling at his touch. _

_'You never stopped believing in us? Even after what I said before you left. It's now or never?'_

_'It was the only thing that kept me going.' _

_'Really?' I smiled, relieved that his feelings hadn't changed. _

_'Yes, I have bought a fully furbished cottage in Kirbymoorside. Far enough away to be out of reach of the gossip, close enough if you need to return here for any reason.' _

_'I know Kirbymoorside.' I nodded, looking into the distance as I contemplated the offer John had just made me. _

_'That is where I will be going when I've worked my notice,' John nodded. 'Or sooner if you decide this is what you want.' _

_We sat in silence for a while. After all my talk I couldn't quite believe this could happen. We could be together and all I had to say was yes. The situation in which it had arisen wasn't ideal. Without the money, if he had simply come back to Downton in the financial situation he left in I would have waited. If it meant he would be relieved of the pain he had suffered as a result of losing his mother, we could have waited until we were better equipped to embark on a life together. _

_Now here we were. He was offering me everything I had ever desired. All that lay ahead of us, then I thought of my parents. Telling them would be the next step. The words father had used to describe Bates earlier filled my conscience. Would John really find it that easy to tell him tonight? _

_'John, you know I would leave with you this instant. I am willing to do so.' _

_'Yes,' he replied, my words obviously jogging him out of his own thoughts as I felt him start a little. _

_'But when it comes to actually telling Papa, are you sure you want to do it now? Would you not rather wait until you have worked your notice period?'_

_'It's never going to be easy Anna,' John considered. 'And the likelihood is he wouldn't let you leave with me straight away anyway. He'd try to fight it.' _

_'I hadn't even considered that,' I replied. _

_'Besides, I'd want to do it properly. Marriage and everything.' _

_'Marriage?' I replied weakly. _

_What John had just said completely took my breath away. I really hadn't thought this through. Marriage had never occurred to me. Of course he was right, and I would marry him in a heartbeat. The enormity of the situation just took on a new reality for me. Although, it didn't scare me. Excitement, anticipation, that's what I felt. I wanted it all. To live with this man, to be his wife, the mother of his children. Everything promising your life to another person meant. _

_'I don't want an answer now,' he continued. 'I know you say you're sure, but please Anna, think about it. Sleep on it. If you still feel the same way in the morning, we'll decide the right time and manner in which to tell your father.'_

_I nodded, a smile spreading across my face as I looked into his eyes. 'You know what my answer will be.' _

_'I'm not letting myself believe it until it happens.' _

**~0~**

Sitting outside the next morning, the late summer sun blaring down on the ground, I watched the shadows it created on the floor, completely distracted from my work. The rest of my life would be determined today. She would tell me I was what she wanted, I tried to convince myself through my sleepless night. Her reaction to me last night was more than I could have ever dreamed. She loved me. She wanted me.

Yet, the thought that this sort of thing doesn't happen to me still niggled at the back of my mind. Maybe it was my destiny to be unhappy. After all, what had I done in my life to deserve a treasure such as Anna? I chided myself, allowing my demons to overtake my thoughts again. Shaking my head, trying to remove those thoughts from my mind, I turned as the back door opened. Anna walked out into the courtyard, back to me before she turned to see me standing up to greet her.

'Hello,' she smiled.

'Hello,' I replied, reciprocating her smile. Walking towards me, our eyes never left each other until she was standing directly in front of me. She looked down at my hand, taking it into hers.

'This is what I want,' she said, simply.

Simple words that meant the rest of my life was to be blessed in a way words could not describe.

'Only if you're sure.'

There were those demons again.

'I have asked to see Papa after lunch. In his library.' She revealed.

'I'll be there,' I replied.

'You don't have to...'

'Anna, I won't let you do this alone.' I interrupted. 'I don't understand how you could entertain the thought we wouldn't tell him together.'

'John, you don't...'

'We are in this together. I'll meet you outside the library. And I won't take no for an answer.'


	11. Chapter 11

**Here we go, they've only gone and done it. The proposal is loosely based on one from another show. I have changed it considerably but some eagle eyed TV viewers with fine taste in programmes may recognise where it originates from. **

**Disclaimer**: I do now own anything Lord Fellowes is master and king etc etc

* * *

'Mr Bates, where are you going?'

I closed my eyes and stopped dead. Attempting to make my way upstairs unnoticed, those hopes were dashed as Mr Carson called to me from his sitting room doorway.

'The library,' I replied truthfully, turning around.

'Is His Lordship expecting you?' Mr Carson asked, stepping out fully in the hallway to face me.

'No, but he did tell me I could borrow a book anytime I desired to.'

'Yes, he is very generous in that respect.' Mr Carson agreed.

A realisation overcame me. This could quite possibly be the last time I conversed with this man as employer and employee. Yes, His Lordship paid my wages but this was the man I answered to, whose rules I followed. He had shown me the greatest respect when I first arrived, almost defending me in light of my injury and the animosity it caused between me and the other servants.

Then, when he found out about my past, he would have been well within his rights to dismiss me but he didn't. I will always be grateful to him for that. Staying at Downton was one of the major turning points in mine and Anna's relationship. If I had gone, she would be married to Timothy. I shuddered inwardly at the thought. The fact also wasn't lost on me that Mr Carson held His Lordship and indeed Anna in such high regard. This could also be the last time he spoke to me in an affable manner. He wouldn't see our union in Anna's best interests.

'Be on your way, Mr Bates.' He continued, moving to walk back into his office before stopping to look at me again. 'Mr Bates, it was very kind of you to help out with lunch again. Mrs Patmore is run off her feet at the moment, what with one kitchen maid ill and the other on leave. She said she doesn't know what we'd do without you, and I think she's correct.'

I smiled and nodded my head. 'Thank you Mr Carson.'

Turning on my heel and starting my way towards the stairs, I knew he'd never realise the hidden meaning behind my words.

**~0~**

_John wasn't there when I arrived at the library. I was a little early, I had to admit. Then I heard it. The unmistakable sound of his half step, his cane hitting the floor. And it suddenly dawned on me. My life was about to change forever. _

_Turning to face the direction he was approaching me in, he was nervous. I could tell. But he still afforded me that smile he seemed to reserve for when our eyes met. Once standing in front of me, we seemed to stare at each other for what seemed like hours, but in reality it was only a few seconds. _

_'Are you sure?' were his whispered words. _

_I half expected them. Was I sure? Did I love this man above all others? Did I ache whenever we were apart? Did everything else pale in comparison when he was near me? The answer to all those questions was a resounding yes. Of course I was sure. I had never been more certain of anything in my life. _

_Answering his question without the use of words but by knocking on the door to my father's library, we both seemed to stand up a little straighter to wait for my father to respond. He out of proprietary, me trying to convince John and myself that I wasn't frightened, that we could do this. _

_'Enter,' Papa boomed. _

_With a final glance toward him, John nodded his head slightly to indicate he was ready. I squeezed his hand, a gentle reminder this was what I wanted and that we were in this together. Whatever lay ahead, we would face it side by side. Letting go of his hand, I opened the door and entered, followed by John. _

_'Hello darling,' Papa began upon hearing me enter. 'What was it you wanted to see me..' He stopped as he looked up from his desk to see John following me into the library and shutting the door behind us. _

_'Bates, I don't believe I rang the bell.' _

_'No m'lord,' John replied, his voice sounding defiant. _

_'Then why are you here?' Papa asked, replacing his pen in the inkwell on his desk and standing up. _

_Here it was. Months of stolen kisses, promises of a life neither of us ever dare dreamed would become a reality had built up to this moment. And now the moment had arrived, finding the right words was much harder than I had imagined. In this room were standing the two men who meant more to me than anything else in this world. The man beside me, I loved with a passion and desire I never knew it was possible to feel, the one in front of me my father. The man who had raised me, loved me unconditionally and whom the answer to the question he had just posed would destroy. _

_Looking up at John, he could sense my struggle. How I ever thought I could do this myself was beyond me. I wanted to tell my father, I needed to but John's help was required. Trying to convey this in the way I was looking at him, I felt a huge sense of relief as John inhaled deeply before turning to my father. _

_'M'lord, you know that I have the utmost respect for you, and your family...' _

_'Bates, what are you trying to say?' _

_'M'lord, I hope some day you can forgive me...' _

_'Forgive you for what?' Papa interrupted. _

_I stood like an innocent bystander, like I was merely a fly on the wall watching this conversation between the two of them. Closing my eyes, visions of what my life was to become flashed before me. Being with John, married to him, holding our newborn child in my arms. This was all ahead of me, and I so desperately wanted those things I was visualising. _

_Out of the blue, I felt my hand reaching for his. It was almost like I wasn't in control of my own body. Once he registered my touch, John clasped his fingers around mine. All I could see was the look of utter bewilderment on my father's face. _

_'What in heaven's name is going on here?' Papa bellowed._

_I don't know what it was, maybe feeling his hand around mine, but I managed to find the strength to answer Papa's question on this occasion. _

_'I love him, Papa.' _

_'What do you mean you love him?' Papa hissed with an unwelcome tone which had become much more familiar in his voice when addressing me recently. _

_'More than I have loved anything before in my life.' I said honestly. _

_Papa turned his attentions to John. 'And do you love her?' _

_'I do, m'lord.' _

_'What... I don't get it.' He replied, walking towards us. 'When did this happen?' Almost in slow motion, I could see him running something over in his mind. He was moving his glance from John to myself, before he brought his hand to his mouth. 'Timothy..'_

_'Papa,' I began in attempt to explain myself. But I didn't get the chance. _

_'He's the reason you called off the wedding,' Papa said, staring at John with disparagement in his eyes. 'This man, twice your age with nothing in the world to offer you...' _

_'Except everything I've ever wanted,' I replied, my voice now louder. _

_'We intend to marry, m'lord,' John explained. 'I have bought a home not far from here, we have planned this...' _

_'I don't care,' Papa shouted, turning his back on us. _

_'Papa please,' I pleaded. 'I am not a child anymore.' _

_Somewhere deep in my heart I had harboured hope he wouldn't react like this. What a fool I had been. _

_'No Anna. How could you possibly think for one moment I would give my blessing to this union?' He continued, his back to us now. _

_'Papa, before he arrived you said John was the best of men...'_

_'Yes...' Papa bowed his head. _

_'Well then,' I replied. 'I soon realised you were right. He is the best of men. A finer one I have never had the pleasure of knowing or will indeed ever know...' _

_'But he's not the sort of man I want you to marry.' Papa said, thumping his desk with his fist. 'I won't allow it.' _

_'I've had enough of this,' John said, anger evident in his tone. 'I'm not a Lord, I don't own a string of land. I'm not invited to fancy balls, I've never been hunting. Surely M'lord, you must see that's just details? The fact of the matter is I love your daughter. Yes I am twice her age, certainly not worthy of her but I intend to spend the rest of my life trying to prove to her, and you if I have to, that I am.' _

_Papa stared at John in almost deafening silence. Our hands still entwined, I felt him gently squeeze, another reminder to me that he was by my side every step of the way. _

_'Anna, please will you leave me and Bates alone.' Papa requested, his voice eerily calm. _

_'But Papa...' _

_' Anna, just do it. Please leave.' _

_'Go,' John said, looking down at me with a faint smile on his face. _

_Against my better judgement, I let go of his hand. 'I'll be waiting.' _

_'You most certainly will not. Go to your room and do not leave it until I authorise you to do so.' _

_I reluctantly let go of John's hand and moved to the door then. Hand on the doorknob, I looked over my shoulder as John watched me leave. With a final glance to my father I left the library and ran to my room in tears. _

**~0~**

With Anna gone, it was just me and him. We remained quiet for a few moments before he sat back down at his desk and began shuffling through some papers. My mind was full of Anna. The need to hold her overwhelming. His Lordship began to write something, bringing me out of my daydream.

'Alright Bates, how much?'

'Excuse me, m'lord?' I asked, unable to fathom the response he required from me.

'Money? To leave and never see Anna again?'

I had never been so shocked in all my life. Of course, he was entitled to feel outraged after the news he had just received, but I had never expected a man whom I held in the highest regard would resort to paying me off to leave. I was also insulted he would believe a man of my morals would accept such an offer.

'M'lord, I do not want your money.' I replied.

'Well, your services are no longer warranted here,' he continued, throwing his pen back on the desk. 'I will ensure you and Anna never see eachother again...'

'M'lord, she is not a child. She is an adult, with her own ideas and values, her own mind. It was those very beliefs that made me fall in love with her in the first place.'

'She is my daughter. And so long as she lives in my home she will live by my rules,' he rebuked, again banging his fist on the desk to emphasise his point. 'Bates, you know I have the utmost respect for you. But this is all wrong. She's meant to marry someone who can offer her stability, a life befitting of her and her class.'

'But not someone who loves and respects her with all his heart, m'lord?' I replied. He stilled then, his gaze meeting mine. 'We would be comfortable, m'lord. I have a home to offer, money left to me from my mother...'

'Bates, You were right when you said you are unworthy of Anna. No man is worthy. The only man good enough for her would be able to lay all the treasures this world has to offer at her feet. Impossible.' He said sadly, staring out of the window. 'A father will always believe no man is good enough for his daughter.'

'But I want to be.'

'I can't allow it Bates,' he replied, standing up. 'She is a grown woman, I accept that but I will insist she listen to me in this instance. The man she does end up with will be one which won't bring scandal upon this family.'

This man was ripping out my heart and he didn't even realise it. Anna wanted to be with me, I knew that. He couldn't stop her leaving, she was a grown woman. He had angered me, yet the respect I had for this man still left me believing I should be honest with him.

'I will propose to her, m'Lord.'

'Then I will request her to decline.'

'And if she doesn't?' I asked.

'Then I shall have nothing to do with her. She doesn't respect the family and class she was brought up in, then she shall face the consequences.' He replied honestly. 'Now Bates, as of this moment your employment here is terminated. Please pack your things and leave immediately.'

'If that is what you wish, m'lord, I'm sorry it ended in this manner.'

Beginning to walk away, I stopped. Anna was my primary concern. My relationship with His Lordship becoming untenable didn't matter. Saving the relationship between the love of my life and the only father she'll ever have, did.

'M'lord, please think on this.' I began turning to look at him again. He wasn't looking at me, but I knew I had his attention. 'Forget about class for a moment. Your social standing. Anna is your only daughter. For some reason I will never know she has chosen me. She loves me, says I am the key to her happiness. Surely you want her to be happy? For heavens sake, banish me but not Anna. '

He exhaled deeply before replying. 'Just leave, Bates.'

**~0~**

_Running downstairs having just heard from my father that John was leaving, I had to see him. My father's pleas for me not to go to John fruitless as he stopped chasing me as I reached the stairs. I soon found myself below deck, as it were. _

_Reaching the corridor of living quarters, I walked to the locked door which separated male and female bedrooms. Eleanor had told me about this door and the mystery it held. The punishment if anyone but Mrs Hughes unlocked it. Those warnings were pushed to the back of my mind as I reached for the key. Walking through the now open door, I could hear a noise coming from one of the rooms. Noticing a door slightly ajar, I walked towards it. Standing in the hallway, I peered in and saw John busy packing away his belongings. It didn't take long for him to notice me standing there._

_'Anna,' he whispered as I walked in and shut the door behind me. 'You shouldn't be here.' _

_'I had to see you,' I exclaimed. He held out his arms for me to fall in to his embrace. 'What now?'_

_'I've been dismissed,' he said, pulling me tighter to him. _

_'I know,' I replied, tears now falling freely down my cheeks. 'What about us? We are still going to be together, aren't we? What Papa has said doesn't change anything.' _

_'Not for me. But what about you?' _

_I answer him by pressing my lips to his, kissing him in the sweetest way my innocence knows how. I needed him to know I wanted him more than ever. Nothing could ever change my feelings for him. _

_As we broke apart, he took my hand in his and lead me to sit on the edge of his bed. Opening his case, he pulled out a small box. _

_'Then, I shall do this.' _

_Slowly bending down on one knee, holding the ring in one hand, my hand with the other, he looked up at me and gave me that smile. My smile. The expression I longed to see every day for the rest of my life. _

_'Anna, you're father just said to me the only man worthy of you would be able to lay all the treasures the world had to offer at your feet.' He opened the box before continuing. 'Well, I've only found this piece so far. But if you accept it, I'll spend the rest of my life trying to find the rest for you.' _

_'Oh John..' I whimpered, taking in the sight of the beautiful sapphire ring he was offering me. _

_'Anna, will you marry me?' _

_'Of course I will,' I replied without hesitation. _

_As he slipped the ring on my finger, the difficult part now over, the thought of the rest of our lives wasn't just a thought anymore. It was becoming a reality. _

_'I can't afford a fancy wedding, but...' _

_'John,' I interrupted. 'All that matters is that it is you I am marrying. You and me, a registry office, a wedding ring and witnesses. That is all we need. From now on, you are all I will ever need.' _


	12. Chapter 12

**Sorry I haven't updated for a while, real life took over. Thanks for your kind messages, I hope I have rewarded you with this chapter.**

**It comes with an big time M warning. It is the wedding night, I will mark it with a series of * so if you don't want to read any further, you don't have to. As before, not really talented when it comes to writing this sort of scene but gave it my best shot.**

**Disclaimer: **I do not own anything, all characters belong to Julian Fellowes...

_We arranged to meet in Ripon the day after next. It was so hard to say goodbye to him, harder than I imagined it would be. We had both promised the rest of our lives to the other, yet the situation was still filled with uncertainty. John had assured me he would go and see the registrar the next day, his objective to obtain a marriage licence. _

_Once back upstairs, Mama was waiting for me in my room. Sitting on my bed, her face was showing little expression. She surprised me though. I was expecting a backlash, for her reaction to be similar to that of Papa's. But she was calm, supportive even. Holding out her hand, I allowed her to take my own and she gently encouraged me to sit beside her. _

_'Why didn't you tell me?' she asked, wiping a strand of wayward hair from my eyes. _

_'I couldn't tell you, Mama,' I exclaimed, standing up and pacing towards the window. 'The Earls daughter and the servant. You would have been mortified.' _

_'Darling, Earl's and Lords be damned, you are first and foremost my daughter.' Mama replied. 'I thought we had the type of relationship where you could tell me anything.' _

_'If only Papa shared your modern views.'_

_'Anna, he's worked so hard to maintain the estate and forge our position in society, he doesn't want anything to jeopardise that.' _

_'And I want him to understand that neither do I. I will go away, be with John and not tarnish the family name anymore.' I explained, stopping as Mama caught a glimpse of my ring finger. She raised her hand to her mouth in disbelief before speaking. _

_'Darling, what have you done?'_

_'We're going to be married,' I said in an indignant nature. _

_'Anna, think this through.' Mama pleaded, standing up to join me beside the window. _

_'I've thought of nothing else for months, Mama.' _

_'And what will you do? Where will you live?' Mama continued. 'Life will be very different for you.' _

_I closed my eyes. What would it take to make my family realise I didn't care about my life changing? Life would be different, I knew that. No one to help dress me, I would be the kitchen staff and the maid. It was unnerving, taking a step into the unknown, but with John beside me I knew I could do anything. _

_'When are you to marry?' Mama said weakly, almost like she was resigning herself to the fact her daughter was marrying a servant, rather than happy she was marrying the love of her life. _

_'John is going to get a licence tomorrow, we are meeting the day after to decide what will happen then.' I explained. 'He has bought a house in Kirbymoorside. We will live there together.'_

_'And there is nothing I can do to change your mind?' Mama asked. _

_'I'm not searching for your blessing,' I began. 'I love him, Mama. And whether you like it or not, I am a grown woman, capable of making my own decisions. The thought of a life without him is unbearable.' _

_Mama sighed outwardly, raising a trembling hand to her brow before speaking, a shakiness to her tone. 'Can I be there?' _

_'I'm sorry?'_

_'When you get married,' she replied, this time more confidence in her voice. 'You are my only daughter. And although I am not sure John is the right person for you, it doesn't change the fact I'd like to be there to see you marry. Even if your Papa will not.' _

_'Oh Mama,' I exclaimed, joining her on the bed once more. 'It would mean the world.'_

**~0~**

I waited for her in a small tea room in Ripon. Having visited it on a few occasions on my half day, the staff recognised me meaning I didn't have to relay my order. Thankfully, it was quiet today. I had done as Anna had requested, the marriage licence safe in my pocket. However, doubt was the overbearing emotion. Not seeing her for two days, I knew that was enough time for her family to have made her see their way of thinking. The thought that comforted me was that Anna was her own woman, she had shown me that in the time we had known each other. I prayed that absence had made the heart grow fonder.

Stirring my tea, I looked up at the door. And then she appeared.

She was smiling and I'm sure I must have been. I had never seen anything as beautiful as Anna when she smiled. Walking towards me, I stood up to greet her, taking her gloved hand in mine and placing a soft kiss upon it. We sat down without saying a word and I preceded to pour her a cup of tea as she watched my every move. It felt good to have her gaze upon me, to be in her company once more.

'I've missed you,' she whispered as I moved her cup closer to her.

'Words cannot express how much I've missed you,' I confessed. 'I haven't slept. I was worried that..' Ceasing the conversation, I looked her in the eye. 'This is still what you want.'

She took a sip of her tea before replying. 'Have you got the licence?'

'Yes.' I nodded, pressing my hand against my jacket where the inside breast pocket lay. 'I have made an appointment with the registrar for us both this afternoon, to go and book the ceremony. It felt too presumptuous to do that without you.'

'John, don't be absurd,' Anna rebuked, a slight smirk on her lips. 'This is what I have wanted for much longer than I thought.'

Whether my sigh of relief was audible or not, I don't know. Still, I was anxious, curious almost to discover what her families stance was on the situation. If I had searched my soul deep enough, I knew Anna would do this with or without their blessing.

'How is his Lordship?' I enquired.

'He hasn't so much as spoken to me since we revealed all to him in the library,' Anna answered, placing her cup back on it's saucer before continuing. 'Mama shocked me though. She has requested she be invited to the ceremony.'

'She approves?' I said almost in hope rather than certainty. Anna shook her head before looking at me. 'I guess it's only natural she wants to see her daughter marry, even if the groom isn't deserving of her.'

'John, all that matters is how we feel. To hell with everybody else.' The conviction in Anna's voice moves me somewhat. No one had ever fought for me. Now here was this beautiful young woman, a Lady no less, willing to give up her way of life to build a new one with me. For all that I had done wrong in my life, I must have done something right to deserve her.

'I love you,' is all I have to say in response.

'I love you too,' she says, smiling sweetly. 'Now drink up and lets get to the registry office. It's bad enough I have to wait a minute longer to be your wife, let alone not having a date set yet.'

**~0~**

_After booking the registrar for the Tuesday the following week, we went for a stroll in the park, hand in hand. A bold statement, seeing as my family were well known in Ripon and anyone could have seen us. Quite frankly, I didn't care. How could something that felt so right be wrong? Why did we have to hide? He was the love of my life and I would have shouted it from the rooftops if I could. _

_We discussed how our lives would be once we were married. He explained the house had been paid for in full, however we would need money to cover the cost of living after a few weeks. Much to my relief, he revealed he had a job lined up, as a barman in a public house a few minutes walk from our home. I insisted I contributed, telling him that I would find myself a place of work as well. _

_Saying goodbye to him at the bus stop, even the most trivial things such as public transport left me perplexed. So used to chauffeurs and horse drawn carriages, this was something I was going to have to get used to. _

_John voiced his intentions to learn to drive, to have our own car. His justification for this was by saying how I was giving up so much for him, he wanted to give me something in return, to try and ensure some of the life I was leaving behind would still be part of the new. _

_Once back at Downton, Mama came to see me in my room almost as soon as I had arrived. I told her we would be marrying the following Tuesday and how I would love for her to be there. It surprised me that she thought my mind might have been changed. If anything, seeing John again made me realise how much I needed to be with him. _

_Eleanor was so understanding to me in the days leading up to the wedding. She assisted me in packing my belongings, a few outfits and personal items to set me up for my new life. I asked her to come to the wedding, I wanted to share the best day of my life with the one person whom seemed to understand and accept what myself and John were doing. She was scared knowing that my father was totally against the union but if I could fix it for her to be there, she agreed she would be. _

_I met John in Ripon the Saturday before the wedding, intent on carrying on the journey with him to Kirbymoorside to see our home for the first time. I came with my suitcase, my thought being if my belongings were already at the house, there would be no need for me to return to Downton and the awkward atmosphere once I was Mrs Bates. _

_Following him down the small lane which was situated by the bus stop, I stopped at the gate he had lead me to. Viewing the cottage as he continued down the garden path, I didn't move. It was beautiful. Simple yet perfect for the two of us. Our home. _

_'What is it?' he asked, looking over his shoulder at me from the front door. _

_'I'm lost for words,' I gasped. _

_'Do you like it?' He smiled, walking back towards me. _

_I nodded, reaching my arms out to him. He took me in his embrace before standing behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist and looking at the cottage over my shoulder. _

_'This is all I have ever wanted,' I said softly. 'A nice home, someone as perfect as you to share it with.' _

_'I can't promise you perfect,' John whispered before kissing my neck. 'But I can promise I will leave you in no doubt that you will be the one I'm living for.' _

**~0~**

Standing in the bedroom, I looked at myself in the full length mirror I had purchased for Anna. Brushing my shoulder, a small piece of lint cast aside, I stood back to assess my full appearance. I had bought a new suit for the occasion, a dark grey three piece suit with a silver tie. My usual attire, a tweed suit just wouldn't do for today.

Looking over my shoulder, I ran my gaze across the bed once more. I squeezed my eyes shut, cursing myself for the thoughts that were running through my mind. Anna deserved my respect, nothing more, nothing less. It was decided there and then, anything that happened this evening would be on her terms. It had to be, for my own sanity and for her comfort.

**~0~**_  
_

_Mama had arranged for the car to take us to the registry office in Ripon. We walked down the staircase, I taking in my surroundings as I did so. Memories from my childhood flooded my mind as we reached the bottom. Some of the servants had gathered at the front door. Papa had not given them permission to attend, I was too weak to fight him any longer. Mr Carson, Eleanor and William stood to bid me farewell, it meant so much to me. _

_Mama had helped me choose my dress the day before. It was a simple white dress to which Eleanor had attached a silver sash around the waistline. Eleanor had put my hair up before she and Mama arranged little white flowers in it afterwards. _

_Once outside, the car was already waiting, the chauffeur, Mr Pratt, standing by an open door. Looking at Mama, smiling as she looked at me, I reached for Pratt's outstretched hand. Just as we were about to make contact, a voice called from behind me. _

_'Anna.' It was Papa. He walked towards me, I was sure there were tears in his eyes as he came closer, looking me up and down before taking my hand in his. I closed my eyes, the contact sending waves of relief through me. _

_'I'll be honest. You know I can't give my blessing to the life you are about to embark on.' He began. 'But that doesn't change the fact you are my daughter and I love you with all my heart.'_

_'I know.' I said sadly, bowing my head. 'I love you too Papa. Please know that.' _

_'If you agree, I would like you to come for lunch with us, here at Downton once a week. A day of your choosing.' _

_'Just me?' I asked. 'Or John aswell?' _

_'Darling, I don't want an argument.' Papa sighed. 'I can't allow that man back in my house, after what he has done...' _

_'What he has done Papa,' I interrupted, 'is made your only daughter the happiest woman alive.' _

_'Be that as it may, the invitation is open to only you. The choice is up to you whether you take it.' _

_'I will, Papa.' I nodded. 'But only because I know John will understand cutting all ties with you, Michael and Mama would break my heart.' _

_He let go of my hand then before taking a few steps backward. 'You look a picture, he's a very lucky man. I just hope he knows it.' _

_With that, Papa walked back inside. What I didn't know, was another surprise was yet to come . Turning my attentions back to the car, I was shocked to realise someone was already sitting in the front seat. Moving closer to get a better view, I saw it was Michael. _

_'You didn't think I'd miss my little sister getting married, did you?' He exclaimed as he realised I had seen him. 'We better get moving if we aren't to be late.' _

**~0~**

I paced the pavement, every so often arching my neck to try and see if Anna was nearly here. What if she had changed her mind? I didn't deserve anything good to happen to me, I certainly wasn't worthy enough to call her my wife. I could hardly breath as panic swept through me.

Then I felt a hand on my shoulder. Turning around instantly, I took her in, my heart beating once more. The way the white flowers were arranged in her hair, how beautiful her dress was, the silver sash matching my tie as if it was all meant to be. Her smile was simply breathtaking. Everything else paled into comparison as my gaze travelled every inch of her, storing this vision to my memory forever.

'Hello,' she smiled. 'Sorry I'm late, we couldn't find anywhere to park the car.'

'We?' I asked before looking over her shoulder to see two familiar people walking towards us.

'You're looking very dapper, Bates.' It was Mr Michael, followed by his mother. She was smiling faintly, I knew only there for her daughter. She would much rather see Anna marry some rich aristocrat than marry beneath her for love.

'Thank you, sir,' I replied, taking Michael's outstretched hand in my own.

'You are,' Anna agreed with her brother, a smirk spread across her lips. Now it was her turn to run her eye over me. 'You look so handsome.'

Anna reached up to kiss me on the cheek then, I caught a glimpse of her mother looking away, as if what we were doing was illegal. We were different classes, not different species. It broke my heart. Thank goodness Anna didn't see.

Holding Anna in her position by my cheek, I whispered in her ear. 'This is all for you. Everything I do is for you.'

**~0~**

_The marriage ceremony was simple enough, yet the significance it held was not lost on either of us. The promises we were making to each other were so enormous, yet promising these things to John wasn't difficult. It felt natural. As he slipped the ring on my finger, I knew I was finally becoming who I was meant to be. In truth, I had never felt comfortable in my own skin until I met him. He showed me who I was. In reality I was born into the upper classes but I truly believed I was born to meet this man and become his wife. _

_Mama and Michael looked on as we cemented our union with a kiss, Mama even moved to tears as the registrar pronounced us man and wife. Acting as our witnesses meant more to me that they would ever know. At least my mother and brother accepted us, if not fully in my Mama's case. Her being there was enough. _

After enjoying a meal with Her Ladyship and Mr Michael, they left with their sincerest best wishes. It warmed my heart to see Anna embracing with them before we went our separate ways. They all knew their contact would be limited to correspondence and visits once a week. To think Anna was doing all this for me, giving up everything. I promised myself as she watched her family board their car that I would cherish her everyday and ensure I never gave her reason to doubt that she had made the right decision.

Lying in the bed we would now share, I waited patiently as she washed off the day in the bath. Wedding nights came attached with a stigma, with an expectance of what should happen. I wasn't a fool, I knew this would be the first time for Anna. The thought that clouded all others for me in this moment was that she knew I expected nothing this evening. For her, I would wait a lifetime.

It was important to me that she understood that. On the walk home we touched on this briefly, she quickly alleviated my fears. The words she used to ease my fears were so beautiful. The conviction in her voice as she revealed she had waited all her adult life for this night but the fact it was with someone she loved so completely made her so happy, was so wonderful to hear.

Lost in my thoughts, I was shaken back to consciousness by the door opening and Anna appearing. She was wearing a silk dressing gown, her curves accentuated by how tightly it clung to her body. She looked breath taking as she moved towards the bed and lay down beside me, remaining silent. No words were needed. We were saying everything we needed to with eye contact and facial expressions.

I turned on my side to face her, my hand instinctively moving to her hip. Just by this slightest touch I could tell she wasn't wearing any undergarments. Closing my eyes, my groan was audible as she moved slightly closer to me. What was she trying to do to me? The smile on her lips was delicious as I pressed my own against hers. As the kiss became more deeper, I felt her hand move lower down my back, her touch setting my senses on fire before she moved her hands to my pyjama shirt buttons. Our lips never losing contact, she began to undo my shirt.

She stopped then to look at me, to focus her eyes on what she had uncovered. Using her fingertips, she moved slowly across my chest whilst looking deep into my eyes. Moving her hands upwards, she preceded to pull my top over my shoulders until my torso was completely uncovered. I cursed my body, time and age had not been kind to me. Yet, Anna seemed fascinated with my chest hair, exploring it with her fingers as she began to kiss me again.

We stayed this way for a while, lying beside each other, hands wandering. My hand was caressing her hip as she ran hers over my chest, my stomach before moving them around to my back and massaging the skin there. Her touch was unlike anything I had ever felt before. For someone so inexperienced, she certainly knew how to touch me in a way that aroused me.

'I love you,' she whispered, moving her lips from mine before placing soft kisses on my neck then my chest. She was driving me wild and she hadn't so much as touched me unbidden yet.

'I love you too.'

This wasn't right. She was taking complete control of the situation and I was lying back allowing her to do so. I wanted to make her feel pleasure. I needed to. Gently pushing on her shoulder, she laid on her back, her eyes wide as I leant up on my elbow, my other hand moving again to her waist.

'Are you alright?' I asked softly before kissing her gently.

'Perfectly,' she replied, resting her hands on my shoulders. 'Today was wonderful, thank you.'

'You owe me no thanks at all,' I replied truthfully. 'I just can't believe this is all happening. You are so beautiful.'

I almost forgot to breathe as she placed her hands on the back of my neck before moving me down towards her. 'Touch me, John,' she whispered in my ear.

'Only if you are sure it is what you want,' I responded, my heart beating so quickly I was finding it hard to form a coherent thought.

She answered by pulling her gown apart, revealing what seemed like miles of golden, creamy skin. Her body was more than perfection, how the Lord could create anything so flawless was beyond me. The sight of her before me stilled my movements, rendering me weak. Speechless.

'What is it, John?' Anna asked, her voice tinted with concern.

'Nothing,' I said before clearing my throat. 'You are just perfect, I'm not sure I'm worthy of you.'

'John,' she began. 'I don't want anyone else. I am your wife, I belong to you.'

Her most wonderful words spurring me on, I pressed my lips on Anna's as I gently tugged her dressing gown over her shoulders, she sitting up slightly to allow me to discard the garment completely.

Looking in her eyes, I moved my hand from her shoulders gently to her chest, pressing my palm against where her heart would be before spreading out my thumb and rubbing it gently under the curve of her breast. She gasped at the contact, closing her eyes. She was enjoying my touch, the bliss on her face plain to see. With her reaction, my touch became bolder, my entire palm moving from her chest to feel the weight of her breast in my hand. Now my thumb was caressing her nipple as she called out, my name escaping her lips. I moved my hand from her breast to her stomach before replacing my hand where it had just lay with my lips. I smiled as I looked up to see her eyes closed and that she was biting her lip, her hands in fists grabbing the under sheet of the bed in a tight grip.

'Do you want more, Anna?' I asked as she nodded in response.

Leaning up on my haunches, my hands either side of her body kept me balanced. I kissed her neck before leaving a trail of kisses along her body. Starting at her shoulders, I moved to her breasts, her stomach before I kissed both of her thighs then I rested my hand gently, just below her stomach. Feeling her body tighten, I looked up at her face to make sure she was alright.

'John?' She said, an uncertainness to her tone.

'Are you comfortable, Anna? You will tell me if you want me to stop?' She nodded, her gaze fixed on mine. Keeping my eyes focused on hers, I gently pushed her apart and my fingers inside her, the wetness I found there covering my fingers. She leant her head back on the pillow before the most wonderful groan escaped her lips. Gently massaging her, instinct must have told her to begin to move her hips in time to the rhythm of my finger. And all in that moment I realised this was the most perfectly erotic moment I had ever experienced.

Wanting her to feel the most intense pleasure she could, I removed my fingers before moving ever so slightly lower down the bed. She remained silent, the anticipation she was feeling obvious as she looked straight up at the ceiling, waiting for my next move. Kissing her stomach again, I placed my lips lower, lower again until I pushed my tongue inside her where my fingers had just been. Her fingers were instantly at my scalp then, my name escaping her lips in the most delicious tone as she again lifted her hips to meet the movements of my tongue. She reached her end quite quickly, treating me to her groaning as I felt her throb against my tongue.

**~0~**

_That was the most intense pleasure I had ever felt. That another human being could make me feel like this amazed me. He was experienced, I knew that and he was showing me why. The fact he had so much experience, had been with women in this way before didn't leave me feeling jealous, it excited me. I almost saw it as a challenge. John had made me feel this explosion within myself and I wanted him to feel the same. I wanted him to experience pleasure he had never felt before. I wanted to hear him groan my name. _

_Pushing him onto his back, I placed kisses on his chest as he ran his hands through my hair. Realising I was completely revealed to him, and he was not to me, I set about rectifying this situation. Fiddling with his waistband, he must have read my thoughts as he lifted his hips from the bed. Pulling his trousers down over his knees, I revelled in the fact he was now completely naked. _

_Reaching for his rigid length, I began to squeeze it gently in my hand, instantly transporting me back to the afternoon we shared a few weeks ago. This time there was no need to hold back, no need to be reserved. I wanted all of my senses to experience him, to be filled completely by the sight of him, the way he felt, his sound, his smell, his taste. _

_Placing kisses on his chest, I continued to explore him as he ran a strong hand through my hair. The difference in textures intriguing me, the noises that escaped him as I touched him in certain places, the feeling that he was mine and mine completely. _

_Holding him in my hand, the sight of him closing his eyes and biting his lip causing my movements to become quicker until his breath was ragged. Calling out my name, he took hold of my wrist forcing me to stop. _

_'What is it?' I asked, confused as my hand dropped to the bed and I lay on my back. 'Did I do something wrong?' _

_'God no,' he sighed, moving quickly to lean over me before his hand resumed contact with my hip.. 'If you had carried on I would have been spent before I could properly make you my wife.' His voice was huskier than I had ever heard it, his eyes dark, stirrings building within me as I looked deep into them. 'If you'll let me, that is.' _

_'Please,' I almost begged. _

_Instinct told me to move my legs apart. Before I knew where I was he was up on his knees between them. This was it. This was the moment we become one and the anticipation was nearly killing me. My heart pounding, he leant down to kiss me before positioning himself. _

_'Are you sure,' he whispered in my ear, his breath so warm against my cheek. _

_'Yes,' I said weakly, my mind completely consumed by the feel of the weight of him between my legs, the closeness we were sharing. _

_He leant up to look me in the eyes as he began to push his hips towards mine, to join us. He was so gentle as he pushed further, never averting his gaze from my own. It was clear he didn't want to hurt me. And it did hurt. There was a slight resistance, he stopped to kiss me before continuing. With a final careful thrust, he was completely within me. _

_Stilling his movements for a moment, John allowed me to become accustomed to the sensations I was now feeling. My arms wrapped tightly around his shoulders, he brushed his lips against mine before beginning to rock his hips ever so slightly._

_'God, Anna,' he gasped. 'You feel wonderful.' _

_'Do I?' I whispered back, almost embarrassed at the candidness in his speech. _

_He nodded before kissing my neck. 'Are you ready for me to continue?' _

_The word 'please' escaped my lips again before the rocking of his hips became gentle thrusts. I reciprocated his movements, lifting my hips to meet the rhythm of his. The noises he was making were guttural, deep and I loved it. The pain I had been feeling subsided to a dull thud as small tremors began to move through my body. A new familiar sensation was building as his thrusts quickened in pace. Calling out, I surprised myself at the sounds that I was making. He looked at my face, I was biting my lip to silence my whimpers and he knew it. _

_'Don't do that,' he murmured, kissing my lips. 'It's just you and me. I want to hear you.' _

_His movements became quicker then as I let go. My hands moving frantically across the bed sheet, my body soon began to shudder as he drove me on to ecstasy for the second time that evening._

**~0~**

As she came back down to earth, I ceased moving until she had fully recovered. I wanted the experience to be as comfortable as it could for her, making her feel this way was giving me more pleasure than I could put into words.

'I love you,' she said finally, her arms returning to rest around my shoulders.

'I love you too,' I replied, swallowing hard before resuming the rhythm I had started. After a while, she began to match the rocking of my hips once more, helping me to move deeper within her.

The newness of the situation, who she was, the fact that this was her first time, because I was finally making love to someone who I was in love with drove me on to reach my end. She began to gasp again as I felt myself shudder. With one final deep thrust, I emptied within her, my groans loud until she silenced me with a kiss.

Rolling to my side of the bed, I instantly took hold of Anna and pulled her tight to me, not wanting to let her go. Trying to make sure she was alright and that she knew how at this very moment I loved her more than I ever had loved anything or anyone in my life. She held on to me just as tightly, the feel of her breath blowing gently on my skin warming my heart.

She fell asleep almost in the next moment, the sound and feel of her breathing becoming shallow and slow, almost stopping completely. I had never felt as much peace as I was feeling right now. It wasn't long until I myself drifted into unconsciousness, the moments we had just shared would play over time and time again in my dreams.


	13. Chapter 13

I think I know where this is going now. I was unsure for a while, hence lack of updates. I think there will be four or five more chapters.

Bates POV normal font, Anna's in italics. **Disclaimer**: All belongs to Mr Fellowes...

* * *

_Over the next few days and moments we shared were without doubt, the most wonderful of my life. We rarely left the cottage in the week after we became man and wife, the new intimacy we were now sharing and exploring rendering the outside world unimportant. I had never been so happy. John was opening my eyes to the wonders of married life although he told me time and time again it had never felt like this when he was with Vera. That first week we spent for the most part in bed, lying side by side. Often we wouldn't speak, content to rest in silence, hands entwined or me resting my head on his chest._

_When we did speak however, we could be having the most in depth conversation about nothing whatsoever, one would finish the other's sentence on occasion and his dry wit made me laugh more than anybody I had ever known. And in times of passion, the way he spoke to me, the contrast of how gentle he was to the candidness of the words he chose, the tone to his voice when he said them would leave me breathless. _

_The only times we did venture out it would be to buy John's morning paper or to buy food. No need to hide anymore, the gold band on my ring finger illuminating that point, we would stroll hand in hand. People did recognise me, I knew. We would walk past women huddled together, talking behind their hands. It didn't bother me. One look up at my beautiful husband reminding me what mattered._

_Wanting to do things properly, I insisted I prepared dinner for us each evening. John would often try and persuade me to allow him to cook, but as I reiterated constantly it was a wife's duty and I was his wife. Mrs Patmore had gifted me with a cookbook shortly before I left Downton. How hard could it be? _

_'So what variation of potato are we going to have tonight then, darling?' John would tease, standing behind me at the stove. _

_As the days turned into weeks, I was adapting to my new role more and more. My first efforts were nothing short of awful, the suet pudding I attempted particularly disastrous. However, John never said a word. He would compliment me on my creations whilst grimacing when chewing on the pastry to my steak and kidney pie. _

_It felt good to be getting my hands dirty. Cleaning the cottage, washing our clothes, cooking our meals. I thought I would find it hard to become accustomed to this new way of life but if I was honest I enjoyed it. Looking up from the stove at John sitting in the armchair as I prepared his dinner, him affording me gentle smirks over the top of his newspaper, I was in heaven. _

_The first time we actually left the immediate vicinity of our little cocoon, was two weeks later when I had a lunch date with my family. Although I tried to convince him I was happy making my own way back to Downton, he insisted on accompanying me on the bus. Relenting, my heart telling me it would mean we could spend a few more moments together, we took the short journey together, the fingers on his right hand staying entwined with those on my left. _

_We arrive in the village, and instantly I see people that I recognise. John does too, and I feel him gently squeeze my hand. Looking up to him, the small grin he affords me settles my nerves as we walk the short distance to the big house. People are talking behind their hands, I know they are but with John beside me the gossips don't leave me feeling too perplexed. We had nothing to be ashamed of. Marrying for love rather than social standing was not against the law. Once out of the view of prying eyes, we are walking down the lane which leads right to the gates of my family home. _

_'Now I won't be long,' I say, breaking the comfortable silence which had been created between us as the gates of my childhood abode came into view. _

_'Be as long as you need to be,' John replies gently. 'They are your family, and I certainly won't come between you and them.' _

_'You are my family too, John.' We stop at the gates as he gently strokes my cheek. 'Where shall we meet?' I ask, my stomach already aching at the thought of being without him. This would be the first time we had been apart in nearly a fortnight. He had become my safety, the constant in my life that I knew I could never do without. _

_'I'm going to brave the hear say in the village and visit the tea shop.' He replies with a smirk. 'Shall I meet you back here?' _

_'All right,' I nod. Reaching inside his coat, his face is puzzled as I search in his pocket for his watch. 'Say around three?' _

_'Perfect.' he agrees as I place his watch back in it's original location. _

_'I so wish you could come in with me. It's not...' _

_'Anna,' he says, a touch of annoyance to his tone as he looks to the heavens. 'Your father isn't going to change his mind so there is no use dwelling on it, is there?' _

_'I suppose not,' I sigh, turning to look at the house. 'I best get going.' _

_Kissing me on the cheek, the feel of his warm breath causes me to close my eyes. The hand which isn't in control of his cane is around my waist as I rest my hands on his chest. We gaze into each others eyes, his lips contorted into that beautiful smile he saves only for me. Pulling away, an old feeling spreads within me. As he walks back a couple of his half steps, I soon recognise the sensation. It is how he left me feeling whenever we parted when we were forced to keep our relationship a secret. Why I am experiencing these sensations is beyond me as I now know he is utterly and completely mine. _

_'Missing you already,' he says softly and I am certain I see him wink at me. 'Send my regards to your parents.' _

**~0~**

The first two weeks of our union had been nothing short of perfection. This beautiful, intelligent young woman had chosen me. John Bates. As was my nature, I often wondered how I had struck so lucky. How fortunate was I to wake up each morning after my usual night of broken sleep to see her lying beside me, to watch the early morning sun illuminate her features.

Stirring my tea, I was aware of the whispers, of people's glare burning a hole in my back. Quite frankly, I couldn't have cared less. They knew nothing of me and Anna. How deep our love ran, how I would die before any harm befell her. All that mattered was how we felt. If I was honest, my contentment didn't even come first. As long as Anna was happy then my own joy would be guaranteed.

Taking a bite from the fruit scone I had just smothered in jam and cream, it took me a moment to realise someone was standing beside my table. Looking up, I did a double take as I realised who it was. They just stared at me, I was unable to gauge what they were thinking, their emotions. Swallowing hard, I gestured to the seat opposite me for them to sit down.

_**~0~**_

_It was odd to be back in this house. I stood in the grand hall after Carson had let me in. Before I knew it, Mama was calling my name as she walked down the stairs, the smile on her face contagious as the corners of my mouth also turned upwards. Although it hurt that she didn't offer her full support to myself and my husband, she was my Mama and I had missed her since the wedding. _

_'How are you my darling?' she exclaimed, throwing her arms around me. _

_'Fine Mama, it's so lovely to see you.' I reply sincerely, resting my hands on her upper arms as she moved away from me. 'I mean it.' _

_'And how are things? Mama asked, raising her eyebrows at me. 'I hope he is treating you with respect.' _

_'He treats me like a princess, Mama.' I reply as I look beyond Mama when a familiar face comes into view. _

_'Luncheon is ready, M'lady,' Mrs Hughes interrupts. 'His Lordship and Mr Michael are waiting for you.' _

_'Thanks Mrs Hughes,' Mama said softly, not averting her gaze from me. _

_We walked hand in hand into the dining room. It seemed ridiculous, I was feeling nervous about meeting my own father. We stopped at the door. Mama put her hand on the door handle as I took a sharp intake of breath. _

_'Here they are,' I heard my brother exclaim as Mama let me enter the room first. My gaze was immediately on my father, sitting in his usual position at the head of the table. As he rose to his feet, I kept my line of vision firmly fixed on him. Walking towards me, the relief I felt was indescribable as a smile brightened his features._

_'Anna, my darling,' Papa said softly as he wrapped me in his embrace. 'I've missed you.' _

_'I've missed you too, Papa.'_

_The conversation we shared over luncheon was pleasant enough, although I knew there was something Papa was trying to say. We hadn't mentioned my marriage and John yet, preferring to talk about Michael's blossoming relationship with Natalie Fraser, daughter of another one of Papa's friends. Seemed he was planning to propose to her on the families trip to London in a couple of months. I was pleased for Michael, he seemed genuinely keen on the young woman and Papa was thrilled with his choice of partner. At least one of his children wouldn't disappoint him. _

_'Of course it won't be happening for a while,' Michael began, 'but you and John will be very welcome at the wedding.' _

_'Will they?' Papa interrupted under his breath. _

_'Of course,' Michael reiterated before taking a sip of his drink. 'Anna is my sister, John her choice of husband...'_

_'Why refer to him as John?' Papa hissed. 'His name to us is Bates.' _

_'For goodness sake, Oliver.' Mama groaned. 'I'm not thrilled about events but Anna's happy, isn't that all that matters?' _

_'Not really, no. She marries below herself, our social standing is damaged, talked about behind our backs and we're expected to accept him into the family with open arms?' _

_'I don't expect anything from you, Papa.' I say weakly, looking at my plate as I use my fork to play with the food on my plate. _

_Silence falls then. I am slowly realising my father will never come to terms with my choice of husband. So what's the point of arguing? I made my choice and I must live with the consequences. If that means a life where the two most important men in my life never see each other than so be it. I needed them both in my life. Never would I regret marrying John, he was the best thing that had ever happened to me, without question._

_'How is married life treating you, Anna?' Michael asked, shaking me out of my thoughts. _

_'Oh, ..' I began before Papa continued his rant. _

_'Haven't realised what a terrible mistake you made yet then?' _

_I couldn't take this much longer. Glancing at the clock, praying for it to be as close to three as possible, I sighed when it only read quarter past one. I looked at my Papa then, his gaze as cold as he's ever afforded me. I just couldn't fathom it. He seemed to have cooled his abhorrence to the idea when he saw me off on my wedding day. His hatred towards this man he would once have trusted with his life was completely unwarranted. _

_'Papa, you seem to forget if it wasn't for John you wouldn't be here.' I pointed out. _

_'What does that have to do with you marrying him?' Papa replied, anger now evident in his tone. _

_'Nothing, I suppose,' I shrugged, turning my attentions back to my plate. 'If we are only going to argue about him, I'd rather we didn't speak about John on my weekly visits. Hearing him spoken about in this way by Papa will, bit by bit, destroy my soul and I'm not sure I could handle that.' _

_'No problem,' Papa agreed. _

_'Anyway,' Michael said, shaking his head at our father. 'If Natalie says yes, and I am very much hoping she will, myself and Mama would love for you to be at the wedding. You and John.' _

_Papa sniggered then, shaking his head in the process. I could feel tears stinging the back of my eyes, this attitude from my father new to me and not at all welcome. _

_'Thank you, Michael,' I replied after composing myself. 'I'm very happy for you.' _

**~0~**

I smiled at the waitress as she brought me a fresh pot of tea. Looking him in the eye again, we hadn't so much as uttered a word since he had joined me at my table. Sighing, I realised I should be the one to strike up the conversation. After all, it was in no small part down to me that what happened, happened. Then again, he had approached me.

'Do you visit these tea rooms often?' I asked, filling my cup. 'Doesn't seem the sort of place for someone like you.'

'My gentleman's club is only a few minutes walk away, I hadn't been down this way for a while and fancied a stroll,' he replied, taking the teapot I had just used and filled his own cup. 'I was walking past and saw you in here.'

I nodded in acknowledgement as he took a sip of his tea. He noticed I was struggling to find something else to say, my speech kept stopping and starting and I was sitting uncomfortably, playing with my hands.

'For goodness sake, Bates, what is it?' he said eventually, a frustrated air to his tone.

'I don't know,' I offered weakly. ' You joined me here. You must have wanted to say something to me?'

'Well, I wasn't happy you stole my fiancé from me,' he began.

'Mr Timothy, let me just...'

'Is she happy?' he interrupted.

I sat back in my chair and looked him in the eye, waiting for him to add some retort. It never came. Thoughts of my wife flooded my mind, and when they did a smile spreading across my face usually followed.

'Yes. She is happy.'

'Good,' he nodded, then laughed to himself before continuing. 'I was ready to offer Anna the world. A comfortable life. Much more than you could ever afford to give her. I loved her. I still love her.'

I leant forward on my chair. 'Do you really?'

'Yes. She was certainly one of my more attractive prospects. Someone with whom spending the rest of my life wasn't such a terrible proposition.'

'Oh, right. So it really was love for you, then.' I laughed dismissively before continuing, my voice little more than a whisper. 'Tell me this sir. Did she ever leave you unable to sleep at night because all you could think of was her? When you went days without seeing her did your body ache until she returned to you? Did you promise yourself everyday that the sole purpose in your life is to ensure her health and happiness?'

'Come now, Bates.' Mr Timothy was almost mocking me now as he sat back in his chair, a smirk on his face. 'If a man feels that way about a woman doesn't that make him seem incredibly weak?'

'You don't get it, do you?' I shook my head in disbelief. 'In my mind, feeling that way about a woman means that man is incredibly lucky. Not everyone finds someone they feel that way about. I thank God every day that I found Anna.'

He narrows his eyes at me then, his hostility seemingly dwindling away.

'Then I hope you'll be very happy together.' he smiled before finishing his drink. Standing up, he put his gloves and hat back on before turning to me. 'Send Anna my regards. And treat her well. She certainly deserves the best.'

'That she does,' I agreed, looking up at him.

He offered me his hand then. Standing up, I shook it. 'All the best, Bates.'

_**~0~**_

_Standing at the end of the lane, I knew I had left early but the need in me to be in John's arms was overwhelming. Papa barely said two words to me after his outburst and I was heartbroken our relationship seemed all but dead and buried. Tears were streaming down my cheeks, I knew they were as I sat on the floor beside the brick wall that marked the outer territories of my former home. Elbows resting on my knees, I buried my head in my hands and sobbed. So lost in my despair I didn't notice John approaching me. _

_'My darling,' I heard him shout. _

_Turning to look, he was almost running to me. Standing up, I began to run to him. He stopped and held his arms open to me as I almost threw myself into his embrace, his cane clattering to the floor._

_'I love you,' I sobbed, grabbing the material of his jacket with my fists. 'Why can't he see that?' _

_'Anna, it's alright' he said softly, hand on the side of my face as he used his other arm to pull me closer to him. _

_'It's not alright,' I protested, words sounding murmured as I uttered them against his chest. _

_He kissed me on the top of the head before holding me tighter, if that were possible. 'I won't ask you how it went then.' _

_'Don't you care?' I asked, head still resting on his chest._

_'I care about you Anna and you alone. What your father thinks about me is neither here nor there. It would be nice if he accepted us but we both knew before we came clean he wouldn't.' He stepped away from me then, taking my hands in his. 'If him never coming to terms with us leaves you in this state, are you sure it's all worth it?'_

_Looking him in the eye, I brought his hand to my lips and gently kissed it. 'If I had to relive the past few months over again I wouldn't change a thing. You are without question worth it.' He smiled then, a smile that made my knees weaken. 'I just wish Papa wasn't so darn stubborn.'_

_'Come on,' he said, picking up his cane. Holding his hand out to me, I entwined my fingers in his. 'Let's go home.' _


	14. Chapter 14

This story is now planned in it's entirety now. It's just finding the time to write it :) Italics are Anna, normal font is John.

Disclaimer: Anna and Bates belong to Julian Fellowes etc etc

* * *

_I knew this day would come eventually. John had said that he would go back to work once we were happily settled into our new life together. It had been three months since I had become his wife. He had found work in a local public house, his experience in service helping him to find a position. John admitted when it came to money it wasn't a necessity to work just yet, the money his mother left would last for a few more weeks but he had to for himself. Who was I to stand in his way?_

_The past couple of weeks I had noticed John was becoming agitated. He was spending more time in the garden, although insisting he had never been interested in gardening much at all. I'd watch him at the window and smile. John said it did his knee some good to be getting exercise of some kind. Replying with a jovial tone, I asked if the nights we shared together weren't exercise enough. _

_Our vegetable patch was the envy of our neighbours, who we had become friendly with in our time here. They knew nothing of our past, John being a family friend was the extent of our back story that we revealed. As far as they were concerned I was Anna Bates, not Lady Anna Smith. And that suited me just fine. It was who I was born to be. _

_Feeling unwell all morning, I reluctantly made enough lunch for the two of us. I put my sickness down to John going back to work as I poured the soup I had prepared for the two of us into two bowls. Slicing my homemade loaf of bread, which I was inwardly quite proud of, I placed John's lunch down in front of him which he preceded to happily consume as I stirred mine around the bowl. _

_Exchanging polite conversation, John could tell I was distracted as he finished his lunch. He didn't press me about it or ask any questions. Finishing his soup, he left me to prepare for work. _

_I sat at the table finishing my lunch as I listened to the footsteps of John getting ready upstairs. I looked around the home we had set up together. It was going to be lonely sitting here all day waiting for him to come home. Still, this was what I had brought into when I left my old life behind. And I will never regret what I had done. How could I when I shared something so wonderful with John. _

_A knock at the door brought me out of my thoughts. Leaving the table, I opened the door to be greeted by the postman._

_'Good day Ma'am,' he said, tipping his cap. 'A telegram for you.' _

_'Oh,' I replied in surprise as I took the paper from his outstretched hand. 'Thank you.' _

_He smiled before turning on his heel and walking back down the path. Shutting the door behind him, I moved back to the table and sat down to read the telegram. It was from Eleanor, asking to meet me in Ripon tomorrow afternoon. Smiling to myself, I remembered how close I had become to my Lady's maid before I left the house. She really was like the sister I never had, so many things I had told her that not even my Mama knew. _

_'Who was that?' Startled by John's hands on my shoulders, I jumped a little causing him to laugh. _

_'It was the postman,' I replied, eyes focussed on him as he put his suit jacket on the back of the chair and sat down to put his shoes on. I stopped to take him in. It had been a long time since I had seen him dressed like this. He was wearing the suit he had worn when he was off duty whilst at Downton, his hair was slicked back and he had shaved for the first time in a few days. _

_'What?' he shrugged, smiling as he sat up from putting his shoes on. _

_'Nothing,' I shook my head, smirking ever so slightly. 'You look very smart.' _

_'You mean I've shaved,' he replied, looking at my plate and helping himself to the slice of bread I had left. _

_'It's a long time since I've seen you wearing that suit.' _

_'Now my darling,' he began in between mouthfuls of bread. 'I know you prefer me out of it but I thought I should make a good impression on my first day at work.'_

_Laughing, I stood up and took my plate to the sink to wash up. Before I knew it, his hands were around my waist and he was softly kissing my neck. 'John,' I gasped. _

_'Yes?' he replied, kissing my cheek before moving away from me. _

_'Nothing,' _

_'Who is the telegram from?' He asked as I turned to watch him putting his jacket on. _

_'Eleanor. She wants to meet in Ripon tomorrow. I think I might go.' _

_'You should,' John smiled, straightening out his collar. 'I've left some money for you upstairs. If you fancied popping into the village later.' _

_'Thank you.' _

_'So, I best get going.' _

_'I guess you better had.' I replied, a sadness in my voice which I had been hoping wouldn't have been audible. He noticed it. Of course he did. He was the only person to know me completely. _

_'Are you alright?' he enquired, walking towards me with his hands in his pockets. _

_'I'll be fine,' I nodded. 'Just so used to having you around.' _

_'I'll be finished in a few hours, I'll be home for afternoon tea.' he reassured me. 'Seems the boss is being kind to me by only putting me down to work the lunchtime shift this first week.' _

_Again I nodded, fearing if I tried to respond with words my emotions would spill over. Suddenly I couldn't keep the tears in as I turned away from him to look out of the kitchen window. I knew if I looked at him the tears world flow. _

_'Oh Anna,' he said softly, pulling me towards him. ' You know I need to do this. You understand why.' _

_'Yes, I do.' Moving away from him, I straightened up his tie and brushed down his shoulders before casting a critical eye over him. 'You'll do.' _

_'Thank you,' he smiled. _

_'What would you like for dinner?' I asked, casting an eye towards the cooking book which had become my bible. _

_'Surprise me.' he replied, walking towards the door and taking his hat from it's peg. 'I'm sure potato will be involved.' _

_'You cheeky beggar,' I giggled as he put his hat on. He turned to smile at me as he reached the door. _

_'I'll see you later,' he said before turning the handle and walking outside. _

_'Oh, John,' I called after him. He poked his head back around the front door. 'I do love you.'_

_'I love you too, so much. Have a nice afternoon.' _

**~0~**

My first shift was passing by reasonably enough. I had worked in a pub years ago, before I joined the army and it seemed my old bartending skills hadn't abandoned me. The landlord, Charles, was a nice chap although I was soon realising he liked a conversation. For a man of few words such as myself, this was going to prove a challenge. He was in his sixties, balding slightly with grey hair. He came from the Newcastle area, a working man since the age of sixteen and proud of it. He and his wife lived above the pub whilst he informed me his three sons would often visit for a drink after a hard days work.

I had to admit it was nice to feel useful again. I was grateful Anna understood my desire to work. Although our time together since we had got married was wonderful I had been itching to make myself useful.

As well as Charles, there was Steven. Charles found two barman sufficed when it came to running his pub, with the local area being quite small although the pub did a good trade. It was a world away from Downton, where when it came to counting my colleagues I would require the use of my toes as well as my fingers. Still, I saw it as a blessing.

Licensing laws dictated the pub only open from midday until two thirty however Charles required myself and Steven to stay behind for a couple of hours to prepare for evening trade before we were allowed to head home for some dinner before returning at six thirty. However, Charles insisted I only work the lunch time shifts this first week. Steven had done the same and the barman before him and I was to be treated no differently.

'So, you're married then, John?' Charles asked, sitting beside the bar as I washed some glasses.

'I am,' I smiled politely as I continued to work.

'How long?'

I sighed inwardly as I picked up the next glass which required my attention. 'Three months.'

'Three months?' Charles exclaimed with a chuckle. 'A newlywed.'

'Indeed,' I agreed.

'What's her name?'

'Anna,' I replied, placing the glasses on the shelf under the bar.

'Pretty?' he continued, his face beaming.

'Stunning,' I answered honestly.

'Charlie, leave the man alone.' I turned to see a red headed, middle aged woman appear at the door which lead to the living quarters, apron on and up to her elbows in flour. I chuckled to myself, her appearance reminded me so much of Mrs Patmore.

'Ahh Betty, there is someone I'd like you to meet,' Charles said, walking over to the woman, taking her hand and leading her back over to me. 'This is John Bates. He's my new barman.'

'Good day to you,' I smiled, greeting the woman who was now looking flustered.

'Hello John,' she nodded. 'I'm Betty, Charlie's long suffering wife. Could talk for England, this fella...'

I laughed as Betty continued to chastise Charles for leaving his dirty clothing all over the bedroom floor. I laughed as memories of the same conversation I had had with Anna previously filled my mind.

'John,' Charles said finally. 'You get off home and I'll see you tomorrow. Stephen and myself can finish off here.'

'Only if you sure,' I asked.

'Yes, thanks for your help. I think you're going to fit in here just fine.'

_**~0~**_

_After dinner, we sat together on the couch in the living room, me carefully tucked under his arm as he read his book. We were only apart for four hours at the most, I missed him terribly. Coming to realise how much I depended on this man, it couldn't be healthy. _

_'Are you alright, my love?' John asked as he struggled to manoeuvre himself to turn the page in his book. 'You've usually tried to interrupt my reading by now.' _

_'Just thinking,' I murmured, sitting up beside him. _

_'Oh heavens, that could be dangerous,' he said, closing his book and placing it on the table in front of us. _

_'I hated you not being here today,' I said as he sat back. He folded his arms as he looked at me. _

_'Anna, you knew I was going to find a job sooner than later...' _

_'It's not that,' I interrupted. 'I fully understand your need to feel useful and to work.'_

_'Then what is it?' _

_'I was lonely, here on my own. So I've made a decision for myself.' _

_'And what might that be?' John asked, turning his body to face me. _

_'I'm going to find a job.' I announced. As soon as the words were out of my mouth, a grin began to spread across John's lips. 'What?' _

_'Anna,' he said, a slight laugh escaping him. 'You don't need to work.' _

_'Why not? More money never hurt anybody, and it would ease the boredom' I replied. 'I'm not saying a full time job, just something that gets me out of the house.' _

_'Anna, no. You are my wife and it's my job to provide for you. With my job we will manage just fine.' _

_'But John..' _

_'I'm sorry. But that's all I have to say on the matter.' John reiterated. 'I'm going to have a bath.' _

_**~0~**_

_With that, he left me. Feeling frustrated. This was the first difference of opinion we had shared as husband and wife. Having left my old life behind, I had also lost all my old friends, the things I used to do. Housework only passed so much of the time. Truth was, until we had a child I needed to find some way of filling my days. If finding a place of work was the only solution, then so be it. _

_Suddenly feeling tired, I made my way upstairs. _

I heard Anna coming upstairs and felt a pang of guilt. Every day I was reminded in some way of all that she had given up for me. I remember when we both lived at Downton, she was always going somewhere with her mother or meeting some of her acquaintances. She would be meeting Eleanor tomorrow, and I was glad for that.

The thought of her working was difficult to square with. She was born a lady, never worked a day in her life. It was my problem, not hers. The thought of his Lordship finding out Anna had found a job filled my mind. He would be nothing short of horrified. I had already taken his daughter from him, if he found out I had agreed for her to work he would be calling for my head.

Slipping quietly into bed, I turned my back to Anna and settled down for what I was sure would be a sleepless night. Taking me by surprise, I felt Anna's arm slip around my waist. Instinct had taught me to rest my hand on top of hers. I was relieved at the contact, I didn't like the feeling the two of us being at odds brought me.

'Please promise me you'll think about it. Please John.'

I sighed before answering. 'I promise.'

Even though my mind was already made up.

_**~0~**_

_I saw John off to work and made my way to see Eleanor in Ripon. Feeling unwell in the morning, I again put it down to the loneliness I felt when John had gone to work. Once at the tea room, I was relieved to already see Eleanor waiting for me._ _Walking inside she turned and smiled as she acknowledged me. _

_'Hello, M'lady,' she said softly, standing up as I reached the table. _

_'Before we even begin, Eleanor,' I said, taking her hand in mine. 'Call me Anna.'_

_We sat and exchanged a smile before the waiter came over to us to take our order. Eleanor told me about life at Downton. How Mr Carson was missing John's influence around downstairs, how Thomas was loving his new role as Papa's valet. She also revealed how she had heard whispers that if Natalie Fraser became Michael's wife, Eleanor was to be approached to become her Ladies maid. I was pleased for Eleanor. She had served me well and it had been her dream to be a Ladies maid. _

_'So how's life with Mr Bates?' she asked me as the waiter arrived back with our tea and cake. _

_'Wonderful,' I answered with the huge smile that usually occupied my face as I talked about John. _

_'You don't regret anything?' Eleanor asked before laughing shyly. 'Sorry, I might be speaking out of turn.' _

_'No, not at all,' I said, perhaps a little too eagerly. 'It's nice to confide in someone. And I could talk about John the day long.' _

_Eleanor nodded before trying some of her cake. 'How is Mr Bates?' _

_'He's fine. Got himself a new job,' I revealed. _

_'Good for him,' Eleanor smiled. _

_'Yes, good for him,' I replied, a hint of sarcasm to my tone. _

_'You're not happy about it?' _

_'No, I am. It's just he expects me to stay at home whilst he goes out to work.' I begin before realising I must sound so ungrateful. 'Sorry, you don't want to hear about my troubles.' _

_Eleanor shook her head before continuing to eat her cake. 'It's fine, M'lady. I mean, Anna.' _

_I smiled as she flustered. 'Is it terribly hard to believe that I want to find myself a job too?' _

_'Not at all,' Eleanor replied. 'I'm not sure his Lordship would like the idea though. I guess Mr Bates feels he is doing right by you by not wanting you to find a job.' _

_'Oh maybe,' I sigh. 'And Papa be damned. He lost any say over my life when he wouldn't accept John as my husband.' _

_'That's none of my business,' Eleanor shifted uncomfortably in her chair. 'He is still my employer so I wouldn't feel comfortable commenting.' _

_'Of course. Sorry Eleanor.' I raised my hands in understanding. 'I'm happy not being a Lady anymore. The thing is I am slowly realising I don't want to be just a housewife. Not yet, anyway.' _

_'If you want a job, then if you ask me, go and get one. Mr Bates is an understanding man, I'm sure he'll come around to the idea eventually.' _

_I nodded, contemplating Eleanor's words before a man in a suit approached our table. Looking up, I saw him looking down at me, a broad smile on his face. _

_'Sorry sir, can I help you?' _

_'Pardon me, but I couldn't help overhearing your conversation.' the man said, sitting down on the free chair beside us. 'I am a partner in a law firm here in Ripon. I have heard of you, and your father.'_

_'And?' I shrugged, throwing a quizzical glance in Eleanor's direction. She appeared just as perplexed as I was. _

_'Well, the office is expanding.' He replied. 'We are in need of a new secretary and I wanted to give you the opportunity to apply for the job.' _

_I laughed out loud as the look on this mans face remained quite serious. 'What?' _

_'You're joking, are you not?' I replied. _

_'I am deadly serious. Your reputation precedes you.' He replied. _

_'But I'm not trained to be a secretary.' _

_'Forgive me for being so blunt, miss but I know you aren't trained to be anything.'_

_'So why are you asking me to apply?' I asked, still confused. _

_'You are the daughter of a Lord. You need the job. We would train you in house if you were successful.' _

_'It's worth a try, Anna.' Eleanor said. 'What have you got to loose?' _

_'Listen to your friend,' the man said. 'I'm Leonard Dyer. My partner is Richard McAllister.' _

_'I've heard of Dyer and McAllister,' I said, interrupting him. 'One of my father's friends used your services a few years ago. Apparently you were very helpful.'_

_'I'm glad to hear it.' He replied with a smile. 'So you'll apply?' _

_'I'll need to speak to my husband...' _

_'That's fine,' the man replied, standing up. 'Our offices are not two minutes walk from here. If you are interested, just come in. Be quick mind. The time for applications runs out this Friday. Good day, ladies.' _


	15. Chapter 15

Disclaimer: Downton Abbey, Carson, Anna and Bates belong to Mr Fellowes...

* * *

I didn't like the idea of it. Anna had been successful in her application for the secretary's job and was so thrilled. I didn't want to break her heart and forbid her to accept it. She told me she would deal with her Papa when she came to tell her family at their next lunch so I wasn't to worry about that. Something within me was still against it, something I couldn't quite put my finger on. Before I came along she would have never contemplated finding a job. I knew if I voiced my concerns I would come across as controlling and possessive, which was completely not the case. It was important to me some of her old life was kept in tact, she had given up so much for me.

Her health was concerning me as well. She had been out of sorts for a couple of weeks, tired more than she should have been and nauseas too. She put it down to adjusting to her new lifestyle. Now she had a house to clean and a husband to cook for. In our more jovial moments I would often ask her if I should take that as a compliment or not.

Her employer, Leonard Dyer moved in the same circle as His Lordship and I was familiar with him. I seem to remember he was pleasant enough and if my wife had to work for anyone, than she could do much worse. She had agreed to work two full days and one afternoon a week, which eased my fears somewhat. Seeing for myself what the long hours did to some of the young women I had worked with in service, I didn't want that to happen to Anna.

On her first morning, she woke up and was immediately ill in the bathroom. Writing it off as nerves, I wasn't so sure. Begging her to stay home I said I would call the doctor out to see her. She refused point blank. We made a compromise. If she was to go to work, I would accompany her on the bus journey. I wasn't due in to work until eleven as it was so we took the short journey to Ripon on the bus hand in hand. Once outside the office, I stopped and looked at the building as she walked on ahead.

'What is it?' she said, turning on her heel and smiling sweetly.

'You don't have to do this, you know,' I replied. 'We'll do fine with my wage.'

She sighed and walked towards me. Taking hold of my hand, she kissed it gently before squeezing my fingers. 'John Bates, I love you. And I will be forever grateful to you for allowing me this opportunity...'

'Don't say that,' I interrupted, closing my eyes tightly. 'You don't need my permission, or my blessing. You are a strong woman with modern views on life. It was one of the reasons I fell in love with you in the first place. Just because you are my wife doesn't give me the right to dictate how you should live your life. You got away from a life like that to be with me.'

'Then why were you so against me finding a job?'

'Oh, I don't know,' I look to the heavens before focussing on her. 'I guess I feel guilty. You left that life behind, you had everything and you would never have had to work a day in your life. We have enough money...'

'John, it's not just about the money, it's for me as well.' she revealed. 'I thought I would be happy staying in that cottage all day, waiting for you to return from work. After the first day I knew I wouldn't be. I lived a busy life before and I guess I missed that.'

'But you were busy riding horses and going to dress makers with your mother, attending fancy dinners...'

She pressed her index finger against my lips to stop me talking, a delicious 'Well I guess I'll have to be busy learning to type then coming home in the evening to cook you dinner. And when you said I had everything, I didn't. Because I didn't have you. You are my everything.'

Her words struck a chord with me. Completely forgetting we were on a busy street, the rest of the world simply melting away, I placed my hands on her waist and pulled her to me. She let out a small laugh which was music to my ears.

'I'm going to kiss you now.'

'Why, Mr Bates. On this busy street,' she almost growled in my ear. 'I must say, I'd be disappointed if you didn't kiss me goodbye on my first day at work.'

'Well, you know me Mrs Bates,' I whispered. 'I hate to be a disappointment.'

**~0~**

_My family had been away in London. It was a momentous trip for Michael, it was his intention to propose to Natalie. I saw them the day before I started my new job. Papa wasn't best pleased, immediately blaming John. After explaining the situation, that I didn't need to work, I was doing it because I wanted to he stormed out of the dining room. He didn't return. It was in that moment I told Mama and Michael I would still like to still meet with them, but not Papa until he was prepared to accept the changes I had made to my life. _

_Sitting behind my desk, one of the other secretaries, Sarah, introducing me to my tasks, something didn't feel right. It wasn't the job, Sarah was more than helpful and Mr Dyer was an extremely kind man. Something wasn't right with me. I was hoping the nausea I had been feeling over the past few weeks was down to all the upheaval, but I was becoming more and more unconvinced as the days passed. Suddenly, the room started spinning before everything went black. _

_'So never book an appointment for Wednesday afternoons. Mr Dyer insists..' _

**~0~**

The lunchtime shifts were always quieter than the evening ones, I was grateful for that today. Truth was I was worried sick about Anna and I missed her more than usual. Looking out of the window I thought about what she might be doing right now before I was interrupted by a tapping on my shoulder.

'Penny for your thoughts.' It was Charles.

Smiling politely, I brought myself out of my daydream before turning my attentions to the pile of dirty glasses on the table. 'I wouldn't want to trouble you, Charlie.'

'It's no trouble, lad,' Charles replied, sitting in his usual spot on the barstool at the end of the bar.

I sighed before looking at him. He was waiting for me to say something. 'Anna starts a new job today.'

'Well that's brilliant news, isn't it?' Charles replied, smiling broadly.

It suddenly occurred to me that he wasn't completely aware of mine and Anna's situation. He didn't know Anna was the daughter of a Lord, of the Earl of Grantham. Of course it seemed perfectly normal to him that Anna should find a job. To him we were a newly married couple trying to make our way in the world. Which we were.

'Yes,' I grinned, nodding. 'It is, isn't it?'

'Of course it is lad,' Charles continued. 'Where is she working?'

I laughed inwardly every time he called me 'lad.' I hadn't been referred to in that way since I lived at home with my parents. My father would always use that term when giving me advice, seemed Charles felt it a suitable term to use when advising me as well.

'She's got a job as a secretary at a law firm in Ripon. Dyer and McAllister,' I informed him. '

'Well, good for her I say.' Charles announced. ' It only seems right to me. With all this women's right business. Why should they be treated any differently to us men just because they female?'

I smiled, Anna used exactly the same argument when off on one of her rants about equality which I loved to watch her have.

'Here, John.'

I turned to hear where the voice was coming from, noticing Stephen standing in the doorway with a piece of paper in his hand.

'Everything alright, Stephen?' I asked, narrowing my eyes at him.

'Your wife is called Anna, isn't she?' Stephen asked, examining the paper in his hand.

'Yes, why?' I asked, walking towards him. 'What's wrong?'

'She fainted at work '

'What?'

'She's waiting for you at the doctor in Ripon.' Stephen continued.

Panic was the overbearing emotion as I turned to look at Charles who had risen to his feet. 'Come on lad, I'll give you a lift in the wagon.'

_**~0~**_

_Sitting on a bench in the park opposite the doctors surgery, I took in some deep breaths, waiting for John to arrive. His colleague, Stephen had telephoned the doctor's receptionist to tell him John was on his way. Watching the world pass me by, the words I had just heard from the doctor whirled around my mind. My life was about to change completely and utterly. Again. _

_It seemed like days had passed before I saw a car pull up. Out of it bundled my husband, looking dishevelled and slightly perplexed. John spoke to the driver, who I assumed to be Charles before the car drove away. Continuing to watch him, he looked left and right before he turned in my direction. Noticing me, the relief on his face was plain to see as he moved as quickly as he could in my direction. _

_Standing up, he threw his arms around me as soon as he was close enough. 'My darling, are you alright? I got here as soon as I could.' _

_'Walk with me, John,' I smiled. He responded with a blank expression before I closed my hand around his. _

_We must have walked through the park for five minutes in silence. I was worried about his reaction to the news I had to share, a thousand thoughts must have been running through his mind. Eventually, we came to another bench. _

_'Shall we sit here?' I asked, sitting down. _

_He stayed where he was. Once I was comfortable, I looked up at him. He was staring at me, watching my every move. 'Anna, what's happened? You're not ill, are you?' _

_'Sit beside me,' I answered, patting the bench. He obliged, immediately taking my hand once he was beside me. _

_'Because if you were ill I would blame myself.' he continued. 'I don't know what I'd do. It's all my fault..'_

_'Have you quite finished?' I interrupted him with a smile. The lightness to my tone must have registered with him as his face broke into a slight grin. _

_'Anna. You know I love you. Don't you. Because I...'_

_'John, will you just let me speak?' _

_'Sorry, I'm nervous.' _

_'So am I. Because I'm not sure how you will react to what I am about to tell you.' I stopped to look at him. 'I'm not ill. Well not in that way, anyway. I'm told the sickness will continued for a few more weeks and there may be some more fainting spells if I don't take it easy.'_

_'Why could you faint again? I don't get it...' _

_'The doctor asked me how long I had been feeling sick. Then, being a medical professional he asked me about my cycle...'_

_'Your what?' _

_'For goodness sake, John. Are men really that simple?' _

_The puzzled expression on his face gave me all the answers I needed. _

_'John, you're going to be father.' _

**~0~**

Me. John Bates. A father. I had always believed this opportunity had passed me by. However, it was really happening. With someone as wonderful and precious as Anna. My life couldn't get much better.

Anna had told Mr Dyer the situation and he was extremely generous, offering to pay Anna two weeks wages. Being the person she is, she refused but thanked him for having faith in her.

We made the decision to tell her family together about our news. Anna said she could do it alone but I insisted I should be there with her. I didn't want to appear I was frightened. Why should I be? The love of my life was expecting my child, I wanted to shout it from the rooftops.

They didn't arrive home for another couple of days, the family trip to London extended a few days. Anna received a telegram from her mother, informing them she was welcome to come around for lunch that day, as Michael had news. This was our opportunity. Knowing I would be there as Lady Anna's husband, rather than a servant, I dressed in my wedding suit wanting to make a good impression.

'You look so handsome in that suit,' Anna cooed as we reached the gates to her old home, straightening my tie.

'If you say so,' I sighed, looking at the big house before me. 'Your father isn't going to take this news very well.'

'Well, I told Papa I wouldn't speak to him again until he accepted you as my husband,' Anna replied, now brushing down my shoulders.

I narrowed my eyes at her. 'Is that supposed to make me feel better?'

She took my hand and lead me through the gates. 'Come on.'

_**~0~**_

_Standing at the doorway, I squeezed John's hand as I rang the doorbell. Within a few seconds Carson had opened the door. _

_'How lovely to see you, M'lady,' he began before taking in the sight of John stood beside me. 'Mr Bates. We weren't expecting you for lunch.' _

_'That's okay, Carson,' I replied. 'I'm not sure we'll be staying that long.' _

_He coughed awkwardly before leading us to the dining room. He stopped outside the door before turning to us. 'Maybe I should explain the situation before I show you in...'_

_'Carson, just tell them Anna and her husband are here. It's not against the law.' _

_'Very well, M'lady.' Carson opened the door. 'Your Lordship, your ladyship, Sir. Lady Anna is here. With her husband.' _

_'With her what?' _

_I heard Papa bellow as Carson stepped aside to allow us to enter. I held my head high and gripped on to John's hand as I greeted my family. 'Good day Mama, Papa. Michael.' _

_'What in God's name is he doing here?' Papa continued, looking at John as if he was the devil incarnate. I decided I wouldn't play up to him so chose to play ignorant. _

_'John is my husband, Papa. Why wouldn't he be here?' _

_'Well, it's good to see you, John.' Michael approached him, holding an outstretched hand. They exchanged a handshake whilst Mama and I embraced. 'I hope you will both join us for lunch. I have some important news.' _

_'Really?' I replied. 'Well we have some news of our own as well.' _

_'Unless it's news of your divorce I don't give a damn.' With that, Papa made to leave the room, making sure he brushed past John as he did so. _

_'Didn't you hear her?' John said, looking over his shoulder at Papa. Papa stopped dead in his tracks, and turned to walk back towards John. 'She has news she would like to share with you all. Her father included.'_

_Papa stood right in front of John now. John let go of my hand as if to square up to my father. I closed my eyes, wishing this wasn't happening. _

_'Who do you think you are? Talking to me like that in my own house.' _

_'I apologise sir, but I am your daughters husband.' John replied, looking my father in the eye. 'In my vows I promised to defend her honour and that is what I am doing now.' _

_'Defending her honour?' Papa exclaimed before laughing. 'If you cared about her honour then as a servant you wouldn't have married a lady in the first place.'_

_'Oliver, please,' Mama tried to step in but Papa grabbed her by the wrist. _

_'Papa, at least let them tell us their news,' Michael tried to reason. 'They've come all this way.' _

_Papa turned to me before relenting. 'Alright. I'm dying to know what it could possibly be. ' He sat down at the table. _

_'I can't tell you like this,' I said softly._

_'My darling,' Mama gasped, wrapping an arm around my waist. 'You can tell us anything.' _

_At least that's what I think she said. I was too busy looking at a poor imitation of the man I used to call my Papa. The hatred in his eyes when he looked at me causing my heart to break. Then I turned my attentions to John. He smiled weakly when we made eye contact before stepping forward to take my hand. _

_'M'lord, would you mind if we spoke in your library?' _

_'Whatever for?' Papa replied. _

_'Our news. I would like to tell you in your library.' John said calmly before looking at me. _

_'No John, you can't...' _

_'No, it's alright,' Papa said, standing up. 'Come on then, Bates.' _

_With that, Papa left the room. John followed but I couldn't let him do it alone. Walking out after him, I caught hold of his wrist to stop him. _

_'John..' _

_'Anna, he isn't going to take this well. And I won't have him talking to you in this way.' John whispered as he turned to face me. 'Now, you go back in that room and tell the people who are going to be so happy for us. I'll deal with your father.' _

**~0~**

Walking into the library, I stopped as I saw His Lordship sitting at his desk, hands clenched into fists, anger etched all over his face.

'Close the door, Bates.' he said without looking at me. I did as I was instructed. 'You've got a nerve.'

'Why? For supporting my wife?' I replied.

'She was my daughter before she was your wife,' he shouted, standing up. 'You took her away from the life of a Lady to that of a housewife, married to a barman. What kind of life is that?'

'If I told you I had made her very happy you wouldn't...'

'You were just a romanticised idea that married in with her modern beliefs that class doesn't matter,' he interrupted. 'I'm just waiting for her to come to her senses. I know people Bates. The divorce would be quick and clean.'

'It's a bit late for that, M'Lord. Not that what you just said about me being an idea is true, because nothing could be further from the truth.'

'Why is it late? What have you done?' He walked towards me, fists still clenched. 'I think I know. She's pregnant. Isn't she?'

I didn't answer, just staring straight back at him This man I had once respected, a man whom I would have marched beside into hell, a man whose life I had saved was now a bitter man. All because I had dared to fall in love with his daughter, to offer her a lifetime of love and happiness. Surely that surpasses class?

He was right in front of me now, hardly a slither of daylight between us. 'Bates, is my daughter pregnant?' he almost spat.

'Yes,' I hissed. 'You're daughter is pregnant with my child.'

With that, he made to leave the library, almost running in the direction of the dining room. I followed a few seconds later, as quickly as I could, but only to see Anna leaving the dining room followed by her Mama and Michael. She was sobbing. Looking up for me, she saw where I was standing and made her way to me before collapsing in my arms.

'Anna, my darling.' Her mother called after her. 'Please don't listen to your Papa. He doesn't know what he was saying.'

'What did he say?' I asked Michael, clutching Anna in my arms.

_'_Know this Bates.' Michael said, placing his hand on my upper arm. 'Mama and I do not share my father's views. We intend to be here for you both. And the baby.'

'Thank you, Michael.' He nodded in acknowledgement to my using his name. 'But what did His Lordship say?'

Anna pulled away and looked up at me. 'He wants nothing more to do with me.'


	16. Chapter 16

**Most of this chapter is in John's POV. Thanks to those who are still reading, nearly finished now.**

**Disclaimer**: I do not own anything, characters belong to Julian Fellowes

* * *

Anna's pregnancy had been pretty much straightforward. Thank goodness. I think my need to protect her and the baby came across as overpowering sometimes, but they were the most important thing in the world to me. Nothing else mattered or ever would. In the early stages, when Anna was poorly and the baby was most at risk, I had never known worry like it. Anna would have to force me out of the house to go to work some mornings, I just didn't want to leave her. But I'd go. And I'd worry every single second I was away from her.

As she began to show, I was certain she had never looked more beautiful. Anna was so happy. So excited. She and her mother would coo over baby clothes and cribs. Showing me the clothes she had bought for the baby, I was certain nothing that small could possibly exist.

Finally my life was going somewhere. I was someone. I was Anna's husband and the father to her baby. People would be depending on me. Ashamed to admit it to myself, least of all to Anna I was scared. Scared I wouldn't be up to the challenge. My insomnia filled nights would be haunted by thoughts of being a bad father. Of letting Anna down. Then Anna would do something beside me, like sigh in her sleep or reach out for me and I would realise that failure simply wasn't an option.

Anna was now a couple of weeks from giving birth. We had prepared the crib and made some space for the baby's things in our room. Being a man, I suppose, I had never really thought about the practicalities of bringing our little one into the world. It never occurred to me that the baby would be sleeping in our room for the first year or so of it's life. There was so much I needed to learn, but with Anna by my side the task didn't seem so daunting.

Sitting in the living room, Anna has waited up for me to return from work. She is struggling to sleep as it is so insists she stay up till I come home. She has a damp towel on her forehead covering her face as I gently massage her feet which are resting on my lap. It is in these moments that I treasure her the most. This is what a marriage should be like. Never in a million years could I have envisaged this scene with Vera as my wife. The thought of never meeting Anna, still being trapped in a loveless marriage sent a shiver down my spine. With Anna, she wasn't just my wife. She was my best friend as well. Life without her just wouldn't make sense.

'How about James?' Anna said suddenly, peering out from underneath the damp towel. Baby names monopolised the majority of our conversations at the moment.

'God no,' I grimaced. 'James is the name of one of the drunkards who comes into the pub without fail every evening. And how do you know it will be a boy?'

'Mother's intuition,' Anna replied, patting her stomach gently. 'Besides we know if it's a girl it will be Mary. After your mother.'

I nodded with a smile as I acknowledged Anna's response. That was Anna's suggestion, to name the baby after my mother if it turns out to be a girl. And it made me love her even more.

'Although I do like Kate,' Anna continued.

'Kate Bates?' I replied with a small laugh. Anna lifted the towel completely away from her brow then to look at me. 'What about David for a boy?'

'Oh no.' Anna frowned before placing the towel back in position. 'Mama tried to fix me with a David. He was an awful man with the worst taste in literature I ever knew.'

Rolling my eyes, I gently laughed before turning my attentions to the dying embers in the fireplace. 'Shall I set up another fire or should we retire to bed?'

'What time is it?'

Squinting, I looked to the clock on the mantelpiece. 'Eleven.'

Anna sighed as she moved her legs down to the floor. 'Go and lay awake in bed I suppose.'

**~0~**

_Watching John walking down the path, looking back over his shoulder as he left for work, I couldn't help but smile. All my life I had promised myself I would only marry the person I truly loved. However, I had never expected to feel this way. And now we were expecting our first child. Forget money or class, I'd rather have half of what I had with John and be poor than rich, set for life and married to a man for his title. _

_Motherhood was an exciting proposition although I was nervous. Not only about looking after the baby when it was born, but the actual process as well. The only time I felt safe was when I was with John. The fact he wasn't going to be by my side when I was giving birth frightened me somewhat. Mama had told me she was willing to be with me if I so desired. She had insisted she be called the moment I went into labour, so would be at the house anyway. _

_Since the night before I had been feeling twinges, but just put it down to the baby's arrival edging ever closer. As was commonplace with me at the moment, staying on my feet for too long was becoming a struggle. Walking to the armchair, I sat down and raised a hand to my forehead. Feeling incredibly faint I closed my eyes. Just as I was about to succumb to sleep, there was a knock at the door. Opening my weary eyes with a sigh, I slowly walked over to the front door. _

_'Mama,' I said, covering my mouth to hide a yawn. 'What a surprise to see you. I wasn't expecting you until the day after next.' _

_'You're not busy are you?' Mama replied, looking over my shoulder. 'I can ask the chauffeur to take me home if you are.' _

_'Of course not,' I said, stepping aside to let her in. 'Tea?' _

_'That would be lovely, thank you.' She took off her gloves and sat at the table as I made my way to the stove. 'How are you?' _

_'Not bad, all things considered,' I replied. 'How are things with you all?' _

_Mama didn't answer, just shifting uncomfortably in her chair. Looking over my shoulder at her, she looked away from me and stared out of the kitchen window. _

_'What is it?' I asked, leaving the stove and sitting beside her. 'Is Papa alright? Michael. The wedding. Is everything okay?' _

_'Yes, yes. The men in our family are fine, darling.' Mama said, smiling but I could tell something wasn't right. _

_'Then it must be you,' I said softly. 'Are you alright?' _

_Looking her in the eye, I could tell she was anxious. I knew my Mama too well. Resting my hand on hers, she looked down and entwined her fingers with mine. She was scaring me now. Squeezing tightly on her hand, she looked at me. She was most definitely crying. _

_'I'm not well, Anna.' She said weakly, looking back down at our hands. _

_'What do you mean you're not well?' I replied, not letting myself believe it. Mama was never ill. 'Have you seen a doctor?' _

_Mama nodded, covering her mouth with her hand as a solitary tear fell down her cheek. 'I had some tests a few weeks ago.' _

_'Weeks ago?' I exclaimed. 'My dear Mama, why didn't you tell me?' _

_'I didn't want you to worry. I was sure they'd come back clear.' _

_'And they didn't?' Mama shook her head before standing up and pacing to the window that overlooked the garden. Watching her every move, I so desperately wanted her to reveal all. 'Mama, what is it?' _

_'I've got cancer, Anna.' Mama said weakly, her back still facing me. 'The doctor gives me a few months. At best.' _

_Silence fell between us then as I processed what she had just revealed to me. I couldn't believe it. After a few moments, Mama walked back towards me and sat down. Words escaped me. I just didn't know what to say. Attempts to form anything cohesive fruitless. Months? Mama, the woman I adored would be taken from me forever. In a few months? Suddenly, a pain ran through me which completely took my breath away. Thank goodness I was sitting down or it would have knocked me off my feet. _

_'Anna, are you alright?' Mama asked, rushing over to me and placing a hand on my shoulder. _

_'It's my stomach,' I said breathlessly. 'I think it's started.' _

**~0~**

A telephone call reached the pub from one of our neighbours. They had used one of the local shops line to tell me the news. The baby was early. They were the words that ran over and over in my mind. Never had I wished to be with Anna more than this moment. Charlie offered to drive me home immediately. Once there, I was alarmed to see Dr Clarkson, the Crawley's family doctor rushing down the path. It brought home to me the seriousness of the situation.

Offering my thanks to Charlie, I rushed inside and the scene I found before me was one that would never leave my memory. I stood in the doorway and observed. Anna was almost calling out in pain as her mother gripped tightly to her hand. She didn't notice my presence, Doctor Clarkson asking her a series of questions as she struggled to regulate her breathing. Seeing Anna in so much discomfort ate away at me. I wanted to do something. But I was entirely out of my depth.

'John,' I suddenly heard. Finding her gaze, I half smiled before I made my way towards her.

'My darling, I got here as fast as I could.'

'I think we should move things to your bedroom,' Doctor Clarkson suggested, looking towards the stairs.

'John, we'll need towels,' Anna's mother said, helping her to her feet.

'Right M'lady,' I replied, looking left and right before heading to the kitchen and looking in the cupboards.

'John, they won't be in there,' Anna exclaimed as another wave of pain ran through her. 'They'll be in our room already.'

'What can I do?' I asked, walking over to the three of them in a state of panic.

'Stay down here, this is no place for a man.' Anna's mother said before looking at Doctor Clarkson. 'Well, except if you are a doctor. I've sent the chauffeur for Michael to keep you company.'

'Thank you, M'lady,' I nodded, my focus entirely on Anna.

'For goodness sake, John. Call me Victoria.'

'Right,' I smiled weakly. 'Victoria.'

'I'll go up and prepare the room.' Doctor Clarkson said before disappearing.

'I'm scared, John,' Anna said, causing my heart to break. Reaching for her hand, I squeezed it tightly before kissing her on the cheek.

'I know, sweetheart,' I whispered, Victoria taking a step away from us. 'But the doctor will take care of you both. And your Mama. I'll be right here. And the next time we see each other, you'll be holding our beautiful baby in your arms.' Reluctantly, I took a step back, still holding her hand. 'I love you.'

'I love you too,' she gasped before ceasing our contact. Victoria's hands were on her then, guiding her towards the stairs.

And the waiting game began.

**~0~**

When I arrived home it was just after one. The time was now quarter past nine in the evening and Anna was still in labour. Michael arrived an hour or so after Anna had gone upstairs. According to Victoria, all we were good for was boiling water and praying for Anna and the baby.

Michael had told me about his mother's news. I was devastated for him and for Anna. And for His Lordship.

For this day, she was not only Anna's rock but my own. She would make intermittent visits downstairs, relaying to me the latest information and making sure I was alright. Her last visit was half an hour ago, telling it wouldn't be long now. Trying to broach the subject of her illness with her, she simply waved away my words of comfort. Anna and the baby were all that mattered at this moment.

If we had played one game of cards together, we had played a million as Michael began to deal once again. Anna's screams were washing through me, each one causing me to wince, closing my eyes shut. This was torture. When someone you love so much is in pain, you just want to do something to help. But there was nothing I could do. I felt so out of control. And I hated it.

'So, how are the wedding plans coming along?' I asked Michael, trying to ignore the noise from above our heads.

'Good, we'll marry at the local church then have a reception at the house,' Michael informed me as he studied his cards. 'Then off to France for our honeymoon.'

'Seems you're all prepared then,' I replied, not really interested in this conversation or the card game we were currently in the middle of.

'For the wedding, yes.' Michael replied. 'But not for the inevitable.'

Looking up at him, I knew in that instance he was thinking of his mother. Suddenly, a sound that was new to the both of us flooded our senses. Looking above my head, Anna's screams were replaced by those of a baby. Our baby. Michael and I shared a grin as footsteps coming down the stairs became louder. I instantly stood up, taking in the sight of an exhausted looking Victoria.

'It's a boy,' she said, a broad smile on her face. 'And he's beautiful.'

'Can I see them?' I asked, moving towards her.

'Steady on,' Victoria said, grabbing a hold of my arm .'The doctor is just checking them over. I'll come and get you when she's ready to see you.'

'But she's alright. They're both alright?'

Victoria nodded and smiled. 'They're both absolutely fine, John. You're a father.'

**~0~**

Our card game now completely abandoned, I paced the floor as I waited for Victoria and Doctor Clarkson to come downstairs. Despite the recent news he had received, Michael was grinning from ear to ear. It warmed my heart to know he and Anna had such a loving relationship. With what was now written out in their future, and their father not wanting anything more to do with Anna, I was glad she would still have Michael.

'How are you feeling John?' Michael asked, smiling at me from his position at the table.

'I don't know really,' I replied. 'I know everything's fine but I don't think I'll believe it until I see them both for myself.'

'Anna's made of stern stuff,' Michael replied. 'Always has been since we were kids.'

We both looked then as we heard footsteps. Michael came to stand beside me and we both looked expectantly towards the stairs. Appearing was a grinning Victoria, in conversation with Doctor Clarkson.

'Thanks for all your help, Lady Grantham,' Doctor Clarkson said, looking back over his shoulder as he left the last step. 'All things considered.'

'She's my little girl, of course I was going to be here,' Victoria replied as she followed him down the stairs.

Doctor Clarkson met my gaze and smiled. 'Here's the proud father.'

'The doctor is going to take us home in his car,' Victoria said to Michael as I shook the doctors hand.

'Thank you so much,' I smiled as Victoria placed her hand on my upper arm. I nodded in her direction. 'To both of you.'

'I'll be back tomorrow,' the doctor smiled before walking to the front door. 'I'll go and start the car.'

'Congratulations John,' Michael said, walking to stand beside his mother. 'If it's not too much trouble, I'll arrange for us to come back in a couple of days or so. So I can meet the little chap.'

'Of course it's no trouble,' I replied with a smile. 'I'm sure his granny will want to see him again.'

'I most definitely would, he's so beautiful.' Victoria answered, her voice breaking as she gripped her arm through Michael's. 'I just wish Oliver would be more forthcoming.'

'Well it's his loss if you ask me,' Michael said, leading his mother to the front door. I followed, standing in the doorway as they made their way outside.

'Thank you, Michael. For keeping me company.' He doffed his hat at me before walking down the path to Doctor Clarkson's car.

'Take care of them, John,' Victoria whispered to me, clutching her hand in mine.

'I will,' I replied, squeezing her hand tightly. 'See you in a couple of days.'

My heart was beating so fast I thought it might burst out of my chest as I reached our bedroom door. I stopped outside and took in a deep breath. Reaching for the doorknob, I gently turned it and opened the door. My gaze instantly finding Anna, I smiled as I saw her watching our son intently. The first thing I noticed about him was how small he was before I saw little wisps of his dark hair over the top of the blanket he was wrapped in. Then Anna looked up at me. And in that moment I had never known love like it. It overwhelmed me as my eyes began to fill with tears.

'Come and sit with us, John.' Anna said softly, moving her legs under the blanket to make some room for me. 'We've been waiting for you.'

Moving towards them, my eyes were fixed on the baby in Anna's arms. Sitting beside her, Anna moved him a little so I could see his face more clearly. His eyes were a sparkling blue, gazing up at Anna. Those he had inherited from his mother. His hair, on the other hand, was where the Bates in him emanated from.

'How could someone like me have had a hand in creating something so perfect?' I gently stroked his head with my index finger as Anna smiled at me. Looking at her, I reciprocated her smile. 'How are you feeling? I do hope it wasn't too terrible.'

'It's fine,' she replied, shaking her head. 'As soon as I held him in my arms I completely forgot about how I felt before.'

'Good,' I replied with a smile.

'Would you like to hold him?'

'Me?'

'Well, you are the only other person in the room so yes.' Anna said with a gentle laugh. 'It's time for him to meet his father properly.'

The truth was I could not recall the last time I had held a baby or even if I had at all. If a little nervous, my fears were soon alleviated as I took him into my arms from Anna. It felt so natural as I rested him in the crook of my arm. He made a little noise, not too happy about being disturbed from the comfort being in his mother's arms brought him but he soon settled and set about staring at me.

'How does that feel?' Anna asked, stroking my arm.

'Incredible.' I replied. 'I never believed this moment would ever come. Holding my son in my arms.' Looking at Anna, her mother's news suddenly filled my mind. 'I'm sorry to hear about...'

'I am glad I have something to focus my attentions on.' Anna interrupted, the pain it caused her obviously still raw. 'We still need to name him.'

'We haven't agreed so far.' I remarked, looking at Anna. 'Have you anymore suggestions?'

'I do,' Anna nodded. 'Mama and I discussed it during the quieter moments this afternoon.'

'Oh right,' I said, looking up at her. 'Well, you've already given me the greatest gift any woman can give a man so I'll allow you to have the final say.'

'She had a cousin whom she absolutely adored. They grew up together. He went out to fight out in the Boers.' Anna began. 'Well, he never made it home. And today was his birthday.'

'Sounds deserving enough of us naming our son after him. What was his name?'

'Christopher.'

'Christopher,' I said aloud before looking down at him. 'He suits Christopher.'

'That's settled then,' Anna replied. 'We decided on a middle name too.'

'Really?' I laughed. 'Seems you and your mother have worked everything out.'

'How does Christopher John sound?'

'My name?' I said in shock.

'Quick on the uptake today, aren't we darling?'

'Oh Anna, I'm not worthy of something like that...'

'Don't be ridiculous,' Anna chided me. 'You are his father. The person he is going to look up to and show him how to be a man. Of course you are worthy.'

'You make the task seem very daunting.' I replied, looking down at Christopher as he began to fall asleep in my arms.

'Well it's lucky we are in it together then, isn't it?'

'Yes,' I said softly, my eyes meeting Anna's. 'I can't wait.'


	17. Chapter 17

A breakthrough :) Thanks to those still sticking with the story. Anna's POV in italics.

Disclaimer: **Nothing belongs to me, all belongs to Julian Fellowes...**

* * *

_Shivering under the blanket in our room, I close my eyes as I wait for John to join me. Having just got Christopher off to sleep, John is locking up downstairs before joining us. Our son is now eight weeks old, and our lives have changed dramatically. For the better, of course. I had never considered myself the maternal type before I fell pregnant, but now I'm not sure how I ever got along without Christopher in my life. It wasn't just loving him, I was in love with him. Staring, I would watch him intently as he fed or as I rocked him to sleep. He was doing new things every day, he never failed to amaze me._

_John was a wonderful father. I had to admit it, I wasn't entirely sure how he would take to fatherhood. I knew he would do anything to protect the two of us and that he would love Christopher, but he surprised me with how hands on he was. Mama ensured we had all the modern technologies so I expressed bottles and that meant John could help with the feeding aswell. He would come in from work in the evening and take over, giving me at least a few hours of uninterrupted sleep. It amused me somewhat that some evenings it was only John who could settle Christopher. I'd simply shrug my shoulders and leave my two boys to it before making my way to bed. _

_Mama was becoming weaker as the days passed. Christopher and John made the bad days bearable. I still hadn't seen Papa, as far as I knew I still wasn't welcome back at Downton. He hadn't met Christopher. Mama would visit us two or three times a week, Michael insisting on driving her himself. She would sit in the armchair, blanket over her and sit with Christopher whilst I did some housekeeping. She looked so happy as she sang to him, or fed him for me. I made a promise to myself to cherish these moments. It broke my heart to know she would never see Christopher grow into a young boy. _

_Michael's wedding preparations were in full swing, the reception to be held at Downton and at his insistence myself and John were to attend. After enquiring whether Papa would be happy about that, he dismissed him and told us it was his wedding and we were his family. He wants us there no matter what. Papa knows better than to start a scene on an occasion such as his son's wedding. I only hope Michael is right. _

_I am shaken from my thoughts by footsteps on the landing. John is making his way to bed and I am only too pleased, it is an absolutely freezing night. Hearing Christopher's gentle snoring makes me smile to myself as John carefully opened the bedroom door. I watch in the darkness and can make out his outline inspecting the crib. Obviously content that Christopher is asleep, he begins to undress before joining me in bed. He must believe I am asleep as he doesn't say a word, simply fidgeting a little to get comfortable before pulling the covers over himself. _

_Mischievousness is threatening to take hold of me as John finally settles. The coldness surrounding me, I make a sudden dive under the covers and place my cold hands under his pyjama shirt to rest on his back. He tries to stifle a squeal as my sides begin to shake with silent laughter. _

_'Ssssh,' he whispers, reciprocating my amusement before removing my hands from his back. 'You'll wake the baby.' _

_'He's sound,' I reply as John wraps his arms around my waist. _

_Being this close to him has never and will never fail to take my breath away. Feeling myself becoming warmer with every passing second, I begin to kiss John's neck. I feel his muted groan vibrate against my lips. My fingers find the buttons on his shirt and undo the top couple of buttons before they explore the hair on his chest. _

_'Anna,' John murmurs before kissing me on the head. 'We can't.' _

_'Why?' I reply, now moving my lips from his neck to his chest. I don't think it is lost on either of us that if we were to continue it would be the first time we had shared this kind of intimacy since Christopher was born. 'It's been a long time.' _

_'Yes,' he agreed. 'But it's not just that. It wouldn't be right. With Christopher down there...' _

_'Oh John, don't be silly,' I protested, sitting up on my elbow then running a finger down his cheek. 'He's asleep, he won't even know it's happened.' _

_'Oh Anna, I...'_

_'John!' I hissed, annoyed by his further reluctance. 'Christopher will be in here with us for a few more months at least.' Running my fingers down his chest to the remainder of his buttons, I begin to undo them. 'Can you really wait that long?' _

_As he sighs I silence him with a kiss. He responds eagerly, the desire within me building as he leans up and softly forces me back against the bed. He is now leaning over me, the way he is kissing me letting me know he may be coming around to my way of thinking. _

_All his buttons are undone now, and I begin to tug at his shirt to pull it over his shoulders. The need to run my hands over the muscles in his back overwhelming as the garment is finally removed and discarded on the floor next to his side of the bed. Becoming reacquainted with the feel of him under my fingertips, he is doing some reacquainting of his own as I feel his hand at the hem of my nightdress. I have to bite my lip to stop me calling out as his hand brushes my thigh. Our kiss intensifies as he lifts up my nightdress and he finds the top of my undergarment._

_'Anna, are you sure?' He whispers before he goes any further. _

_And all in this moment I remember why I am so on love with this man. Always making sure I am comfortable, anything that happens between us is on my terms. _

_'Yes,' I reply as I wait in anticipation. His lips meet mine again as he hand moves lower and then..._

_Our intimate moment is interrupted by whimpers coming from the end of the bed. John's movements immediately still as we look in the direction of Christopher's crib. I can't help but smile as I close my eyes and lean back into my pillow. John looks down at me and I see him smiling as well. Christopher's whimpers are not far from turning into a full blown cry as John released me from his touch and rested his forehead on my shoulder. _

_'Excellent timing, son,' John murmurs with a chuckle as I laugh as well. 'The best laid plans.'_

_'He's not going to settle on his own, is he?' I said hopefully, peering towards the crib. _

_'No,' John shook his head. 'You stay. I'll take him downstairs and try to get him back off.' _

_'But John, you were up with him last night, surely...' _

_'No Anna. I won't hear it. Now you go to sleep, me and the boy will leave you in peace.' John replied before kissing me on the forehead. _

_Knowing I wasn't going to win this argument, I settled back down into my side of the bed as John put his shirt back on and found his dressing gown. Watching from my comfortable position, I felt my heart skip a beat as I took in the sight of John nestling Christopher gently against his chest. They looked so beautiful together, so natural. Christopher had stopped crying almost as soon as John had picked him up, yet I could hear he was gurgling peacefully as they left the room. _

_I listened as he spoke to Christopher as they made their way downstairs. 'Now little one, this just won't do. You wake up this time every night. Mummy and Daddy would like to sleep in the same bed at the same time for at least one night...'_

**~0~**

Pacing the living room, I stared at the clock on the mantelpiece as I held Christopher to my chest. He was slowly drifting off as I looked down at him before softly kissing the top of his head. It was moments like these that I finally understood my purpose, I was finally who I was meant to be. Christopher's father, Anna's husband. They were my reason for being. And I felt like the luckiest man in the world.

The fears that had been harbouring since before he was born all but disappeared within a day or two. I had no choice but to put them to the back of my mind. When Christopher cried out, it was for me or Anna. No one else would answer him. And pretty soon, the fact he depended on me wasn't frightening or daunting, it was a blessing.

Anna was a wonderful mother. The way she looked at him, the little way she would whisper to him and fully believe he understood every word she was saying warmed my soul. She told me becoming a mother made her the happiest she had ever been in her life. The fact that I was the man to give her this gave me the most amazing feeling.

Her Mama was very poorly. She came to visit often now Christopher was with us, the way she was deteriorating with each visit was heartbreaking. Anna would remain upbeat whilst she was here, they would talk about Christopher and bringing up children. The conversation would often come onto Anna and Michael's childhood. Then, Victoria would leave and Anna would become withdrawn for a couple of hours afterwards. She wasn't sleeping either. I was trying to be as supportive as I could. I knew from experience no words were of any comfort. I just prayed that myself and Christopher being there would be enough.

The clock now read well past one in the morning, and thankfully Christopher was now sleeping peacefully on my chest. Deciding against taking him back upstairs, not wanting to disturb Anna and knowing he would be due another feed in a couple of hours, I sat back in my armchair. It wasn't long before I felt weary and succumbing to sleep seeming a real possibility.

_**~0~**_

_As the day's light slowly crept in my bedroom window, I reached across to John's side of the bed and found an empty space. Soon realising he wasn't there, new found instinct told me to look towards Christopher's crib. It was empty. Turning to my bedside table, I squinted as I looked at the clock I had placed there. It was just before six. _

_Wearily getting up, my intention to take over from John so he could get some sleep before work, I slipped on my dressing gown. Making my way downstairs, I heard the now unmistakable sound of John snoring. Reaching the third to last stair, I stopped and took in the sight before me. _

_John was, as my suspicions suggested, fast asleep with Michael resting on his chest. Looking to the table, I saw two empty bottles, John obviously taking it upon himself to do both the night feeds. Realising they were both comfortable, I decided not to disturb them as I took the two empty bottles into the kitchen to wash. _

_'Right, so are you sure you're alright?' John asks as he does up his tie. 'Because Charlie has said he can cope for the lunchtime shift if you need me.' _

_'John,' I sighed. 'Me and Christopher will be fine. Now go to work.' _

_Christopher is laid out on his rug in front of John's armchair, a safe enough distance away from the fire as I wash up from lunch. Mama's main piece of advice to me had been not to cater to Christopher's every whim. If I did that, he would be expected to be picked up and held every time he cried. This was easy for me but John found it more difficult at first. However, in time he became better accustomed to this and Christopher had grown to enjoy his little wriggle on his rug. _

_'Alright,' John replied, picking up a piece of left over bread from the table and taking a bite. Making his way to Christopher, he bent down on his hands and knees and kissed his forehead. I laughed to myself at the sight of a grown man on the floor in such a way, but it was such a sweet sight to behold I never let John know the source of my amusement. 'Bye bye little one, I'll be back later. Don't miss your Daddy too much.'_

_Upon hearing the content noises coming from Christopher, John is satisfied with his farewell to his son before standing up and turning his attentions to me. _

_'And as for you,' he said, making his way towards me with a smirk on his face. 'What happened last night?' _

_'Well Mr Bates,' I replied, moving my arms around his shoulders as he reached me. 'I tried to seduce you, although in the end it didn't take much effort. Then our son decided to wake up at just the wrong moment...' _

_'It was bad timing on his part,' John agreed, looking over his shoulder at Christopher. 'It felt good being that close to you again. Even if we did get interrupted.' _

_'It did,' I nodded, closing my eyes as memories from last night flooded my mind. 'We are going to have to pick and choose our moments.' _

_'Yes, we are,' John said before placing a kiss on my lips. 'I should be off. Is your Mama coming around this afternoon?' _

_'No, she has to go to the hospital. Michael said he might pay a visit though.'_

_'Give him my regards,' John moved away from me then towards the door. Stopping as he reached the clothes hooks by the door, he took down his hat and jacket before reaching for his cane. Turning to look at me, he gave me the smile I regarded as my smile. Narrowing his eyes suddenly, he began to speak. 'I do love you. So much.' _

_Sighing contentedly, I responded. 'I love you too. Now get to work.' _

**~0~**

I knew the lunchtime shift was coming to an end as Charlie began to count the takings for our two and a half hours worth of work. Stephen was busy sweeping the floor as I washed the glasses that had been used. The bar was empty except for a young couple at a table opposite the bar, deep in conversation, her hand in his. My attention was diverted from them to the door as it swung open. The person who stepped through it was the last person I expected to see.

It was Lord Grantham.

_**~0~**_

_I prepared a tea tray as Michael explained to me how father wasn't coping with Mama's illness. It broke my heart to hear how he was suffering, despite it all. Michael sat at the table as he spoke, holding his sleeping nephew carefully in his arms. It seemed my son would settle whenever a man held him, no matter who it was. _

_'He's just so withdrawn, Anna,' Michael explained. 'And he can't do enough for Mama.'_

_'He was always devoted to her, though,' I said, placing the tray of tea down on the table. 'I wish he would let me be there for both of them.' _

_'He's just so stubborn, even now,' Michael replied before looking out of the kitchen window. 'Mama asked him to allow you, John and Christopher to come to Downton and he refused point blank.' _

_'That's a shame,' I said softly, fighting back a tear before starting to make the tea. _

_'But I told him the three of you were to come to the wedding. No matter what he said.' _

_'And how did he respond?' _

_'He just shrugged his shoulders,' Michael sighed. 'The thing is Anna that I don't think Mama is going to be strong enough to visit you soon.' _

_'Well then he'll have to let us visit her there,' I said indignantly, placing a cup of tea in front of Michael. 'I won't let him deny me seeing my mother in her...' _

_I stopped then, realising that the words I was about to say I couldn't bear to hear out loud. Michael reached across the table and placed his hand over mine. 'I'll talk to him again.' _

_'Does he ever ask about Christopher?' I asked, squeezing Michael's hand in mine. _

_'He wanted to know he had arrived safely and that you were in good health, but he has never expressed a desire to meet him if that is what you mean.' _

_There was a cynical lilt to the laugh that escaped me. I shook my head as I move my hand away from Michael's. 'He doesn't want a thing to do with his own grandchild. Just because his father is from a lower social class.'_

_'It sounds absurd,' Michael agreed, looking down at Christopher in his arms. 'He doesn't know what he's missing out on.' _

_'I just wish he could see, despite Mama, how happy I am. How happy John has made me.'_

_'Well,' Michael said, sitting up as Christopher began to stir in his arms. 'Let's hope one say he will see sense.' _

**~0~**

Charlie had allowed us exclusive use of the bar as soon as the lunchtime shift was over. He had no idea the Earl of Grantham was my father in law, so his reasons for being there were completely lost on Charlie. Thankfully, he didn't ask too many questions as he lead Stephen upstairs to leave the two of us alone.

'I must admit, I never thought I'd see you again,' I said, opening the conversation.

'That makes two of us,' he replied, looking me in the eye. 'I'm not proud about the way in which I have handled the situation. The way I have acted towards Anna since I found out about the two of you.'

I nodded. 'She was distraught.'

'I understand that,' he said calmly. 'But you must see it from my point of view, Bates. She is a lady. She could have had her pick of any eligible bachelor in the country. To find out she was in love with my Valet, a man old enough to be her father with nothing to offer her. A former prisoner no less..'

'But a man who loves her and would die before she came to any harm.' I interrupted before he could list off any more reasons for myself and Anna not to be together. 'She chose to marry for love.'

'She loved Timothy.'

'Obviously not enough to spend her life with him.'

'Look, I didn't come here to argue, Bates.' He looked down at the table as he considered what to say next. 'The fact is I am never going to be happy about your union but the truth is, and I mean this, I am deeply ashamed by that afternoon in my library. The way I spoke to you. You and Anna are man and wife and she is happy. It has taken the situation with Victoria to make me realise life is too short.'

'It is indeed,' I agreed.

Suddenly, the man sat opposite me, someone who I believed was strong and had the ability to keep his emotions in check no matter what life threw at him broke down before my eyes. Resting his head in his hands, his sobs were audible and I didn't know what to do.

'M'Lord, please...'

'I'm sorry,' he said suddenly, wiping his eyes before looking at me. 'I don't mean to embarrass you.'

'I'm not embarrassed,' I replied.

'You are the only other man I would ever dream of opening up to.'

I raised my eyebrows at his swift turnaround. Listing my many faults before declaring I was the only man he felt comfortable in the company of showing his emotions. Was this real?

'I have no idea how I am going to cope once she is gone.'

Taking in the sight of him, an emotional wreck, face stained with tears I smiled softly as his eyes met mine. 'You need to surround yourself with the people you love. Anna. Michael. And Christopher.'

He nodded furiously as he took his handkerchief out of his pocket. 'You're right, Bates.'

'I know Anna would be overjoyed to hear you say those words.'

He remained silent for a few moments before looking up at me, smiling slightly. 'How is Christopher?'

'Perfect,' I grinned as my son entered my thoughts. His Lordship almost laughed out loud at my response.

'I'm sorry, Bates,' he said, nodding as he did so. 'It's not going to be easy to come to terms with you being my son in law, but as it's the only way I'm likely to see my daughter and be a part of my grandson's life, I've decided I'm prepared to try.'

'I appreciate that, my Lord.' I replied. 'But it's not me who needs your apology.'


	18. Chapter 18

The penultimate chapter. Happy families at last. Anna's POV in italics, John's in normal font.

**Disclaimer**: Nothing belongs to me, all characters belong to Julian Fellowes etc etc

* * *

_It was the morning of my brother's wedding. Lying awake as I so often did nowadays, I sighed as I looked at the time on the clock beside my bed. Half past four. Before this new life I had embarked on, I wasn't even aware that there was a half past four in the morning. Eleanor would never have dreamt to wake me earlier than eight. _

_Then, in the limited light that a new dawn brings, I feel my husband sleeping beside me. His arm resting around my waist as it so often does through the night. I then run my fingers over his knuckles and the soft hair that covers the back of his hand before entwining my fingers in his. In that moment, I feel so lucky that he is mine. I could hold his hand and never let go for the rest of my life. _

_Then I look to the end of the bed and acknowledge the soft noises that emanate from our contented, sleeping son and can't help but smile. Christopher was now four months old, getting bigger and doing something new every day. He was teaching me new things about myself as well. It's true when they say a baby changes your world completely. _

_His birth had made myself and John stronger together too. I was more in love with John than I had ever been. If that were possible. We were already close, having to fight for each other ensuring our bond. But Christopher was a tie between us that would never be broken. The three of us against the world. _

_I wouldn't have my life any other way. _

_Well, maybe except for one thing. _

_The reason for my insomnia was my mother. Mama's condition had deteriorated so badly in just a matter of weeks, she was now unable to get around without the use of a wheelchair. It broke my heart to see the woman I once thought was invincible being pushed into my house to visit by my brother. Blanket around her legs, face thin and the sparkle gone from her beautiful eyes, the cancer had now spread throughout her body. She could hardly breathe, and holding Christopher was a challenge. I knew that her last visit, a week or so ago, would be the last time she would come to the cottage. _

_That's what made Papa's attempt to reach out to us so wonderful, so timely. It had been a couple of months since that meeting, He was honest with my husband, admitting it would take time to get used to the situation now he had accepted it. John suggested that he and my Papa become reacquainted before any big reunions. He wanted to make sure that my father was certain this was what he wanted. John didn't want any animosity around Christopher. _

_They both decided to meet periodically until Michael's wedding. Papa would visit John at the pub, and John would go to Papa's gentleman's club. Although there was friction in the beginning, John was becoming more hopeful with each visit that he and my father could have an amicable relationship. There would never be a father son element to their relationship, and that was totally understandable given John's age and their experiences of each other before John originally came to Downton. _

_In my mind, I believed the things they saw together whilst fighting in the Boer's would be what saved their relationship. Papa had always told me that soldiers build up extraordinary bonds, based on what they see and experience together. Surely, if they delved deep enough, that bond could never be lost. _

_Trying to focus on the wonderful day we would be having today, I felt a pang of nervousness. Nervous of how my father would be, despite all the progress made and nervous of seeing my Mama in her current state. Papa had told John he was looking forward to meeting Christopher and how he wanted to make the day the best it possibly could be, to give Mama some wonderful memories to take with her. I'm sure a picture of Papa with his first grandson would go some way to making this an extremely special day for her. _

_I must have drifted into some state of disjointed sleep as the sun was now shining through the window and John was sitting on the edge of the bed beside me, half dressed ready for the wedding and Christopher in his arms. He looked down at me and smiled as he acknowledged my awoken state. _

_'Good morning,' he said softly, stroking my face._

_'Morning,' I muttered, stretching before my face broke out into a yawn. 'Has he had his breakfast?' _

_'We both have,' John replied, smiling at Christopher who was babbling happily in his arms. 'I left you to sleep. Seeing as how sleep isn't coming easily to you at the moment.' _

_'Thank you,' I say with a smile before I run a finger down Christopher's arm. 'I'm not that hungry either, so the food would have been wasted on me. What time is it?' _

_'About nine.' _

_'I should think about getting up.' I suggest, panicking slightly that the morning is nearly half way through. 'He needs a bath and...'_

_'It's all done. I just bathed him.' John interrupted. 'The two of us have everything else under control. You just concentrate on getting yourself ready.'_

_I sigh as I looked to the beautiful dress I had bought for the wedding. I wouldn't change my life for the world now, but I do miss the gowns and dresses that were part and parcel of being the daughter of an Earl. John had insisted money was no object, I could have whatever I wanted to wear to the wedding. _

_'You're going to look stunning,' he said, now resting his hand on my shoulder. 'But then again, you are never anything but stunning to me.' _

_I laugh out loud at his statement, still cursing the way my pregnancy had left me feeling and the changes to my body. Then I look into John's eyes, the sincerity on his face and know wholeheartedly the love he has for me is unconditional. I was so lucky to have him in my life, especially for the tribulations that lay ahead. _

**~0~**

As I do up my tie, I look over my shoulder to see Anna coming down the stairs with Christopher in her arms. She looks beautiful as she places him in his pushchair, a big grin on her face as he makes happy noises at her. Although grateful for all the sacrifices she had made for me, how could I not be, seeing her in her current state of dress takes me back to when we were at Downton. I would always manage to catch a glimpse of her dressed for dinner. Without fail, she would make me question if anything more perfect could possibly exist. Now, being her husband and experiencing her in the ways I did, I knew the answer was a resounding no.

'Are you alright?' I ask as I watch her staring down at Christopher.

She nods but I know her. Something is troubling her. But I know if I continue my line of questioning she would become upset. So I accept her answer and take my waistcoat from the back of the chair.

'What time are we being picked up?' I asked as I fastened my waistcoat buttons.

'In a minute,' Anna replied, looking up at me. 'You look nice.'

'Thank you,' I replied, fiddling with my cufflinks. 'You look wonderful. As usual.'

I kiss her then and am rewarded with her soft hand on my cheek. She holds me there for a moment, as if she is almost taking in my scent. I know she is composing herself. Something is playing on her mind. Christopher calling out startles her somewhat before a knock at the door signals our car has arrived.

'That will be the chauffeur,' she said softly, moving towards the door.

I grab her softly by the wrist. She stops walking. 'Anna, are you...'

'Not now, John.' She half smiles, squeezing my hand gently. 'I better get the door.'

_**~0~**_

_We stand in the great hall, waiting for my parents and my brother. Carson answered the door, his face beaming as he took in the sight of me holding my sleeping son. He gave a simple nod to acknowledge John's presence, perhaps still not having completely come to terms to our union, dedicated to proprietary as he was. He asked us to wait as Mama was not yet ready and Matthew had told me on a previous visit circumstances meant it took double the time to prepare Mama for such occasions nowadays. _

_I look up to see John surveying his surroundings, hand's in his pockets as he reacclimatised to the place he used to call his home. I could tell he was also feeling a little anxious. His meetings with my father had gone well, all told, but now my father was on home territory. More at ease. Would Papa's adjustment to the situation hold up? _

_In my next breath I see something in the corner of my eye. Looking up I see Papa, arm wrapped firmly around Mama's waist as he helped her down the stairs. Despite the obvious pain she was in, she was smiling, her face beaming as Papa's own expression went some way to matching Mama's. I don't think I had ever seen her so happy as she was in this moment. They hadn't noticed our presence, obviously too occupied focussing on the matter in hand. _

_Miss O'Brien appeared then, pushing an empty wheelchair. Myself and John kept our distance, his hand resting on the small of my back as we watched this new situation which had obviously become commonplace over the past few weeks, the ease it played out in. _

_Papa and O'Brien helped to lower Mama into the chair as a rather dapper looking Michael appeared, almost skipping down the stairs, his happiness was that great. _

_'M'Lady, I wish you would let some of the maids prepare one of the downstairs bedrooms for you.' O'Brien suggested, laying a blanket over the top of Mama's beautiful gown. _

_'Nonsense, as long as Oliver is strong enough for me to lean on him, there's no need. I like my bedroom.' _

_'You know I'll find the strength of Hercules for you, my love,' Papa said softly, taking Mama's hand in his. 'Always.' _

_Michael noticed us first, hand on Mama's shoulder as he gaze met us. 'Well well, if it isn't the prodigal daughter making her return.' _

_'Hello Michael,' I replied, looking up at John to indicate he follow me over to my family._

_All in that moment I realised everyone who mattered the most to me was under the same roof, for the first time. Looking at Papa, his gaze was firmly fixed on Christopher as I passed him over to John so I could greet my Mama and my brother. Kissing Mama on the cheek before embracing Michael, I again turned my attentions to my father, hand still entwined with Mama's but his eyes fixed solely on his grandchild. _

_'Papa,' I said, almost in a whisper as if I was still tentative as to how he would respond. _

_His reaction was more than I could have hoped. His face was a mixture of emotions. The smile that I had seen so often throughout my life, usually as a result of spending time with me and my brother. Then his eyes, shining so brightly. I was sure I could see the formation of a tear in one of them, the light from outside causing it to glisten. Taking me in, he let go of Mama's hand before approaching, arms outstretched. In a heartbeat I fell into his embrace, over a year of anger and frustrations lost, forgotten even as I rested my head against his chest and he held me tightly to him. _

_Throughout my life, until I had met John even, these moments were when I had felt safest. When something or someone had caused me sorrow, my Papa would always be there to comfort me. It was no secret I had been Papa's girl and being apart from him since that day when he banished me had hurt me more than I realised. And oh, how I had missed him. _

_'My darling Anna,' he exclaimed, pulling away so he could look me in the eye. 'I am so sorry for all the damage I've done. I thought only of myself. Can you ever forgive me?' _

_'Papa, it's alright,' I replied, shaking my head. 'Let's just forget it. It's done now.' _

_Papa smiled at me before kissing the top of my head. Squeezing the top of my arms gently, he moved away from me then as I went to stand beside Mama and Michael. Mama held out her hand to me, still smiling sweetly as Michael moved to rest an arm around my shoulders. _

_John and Papa stood opposite each other now, Papa staring at Christopher as John gently rocked him in his arms. I could see his hand was shaking as Papa gently stroked the soft hair on the top of Christopher's head. This startled him a little bit as he wriggled in John's arms, but he soon settled again before grabbing on to Papa's finger. Papa gasped at the touch, the miracle of his first grandchild causing him such amazement as he studied him closely. _

_'It's good to see you, Lord Grantham,' John said politely. Papa looked up at John, before he turned his attentions back to Christopher as his face narrowed into a frown. _

_'If we are to be family you cannot be so formal,' Papa began before stopping to look John in the eye, 'John. Call me Oliver. I insist. '_

_John's face was an absolute picture. In all the years he had known Papa he had only ever referred to him as 'sir' or 'My Lord' but never on first name terms. Someone outside of our class would have deemed this almost ridiculous, considering how much the two of them had been through together, the things they had seen in each other's company. Yet, it had taken John marrying his daughter for Papa to think it right to address him as Oliver. _

_'It will take some getting used to,' John replied. 'But thank you, Oliver.' _

_'It's me who should be thanking you, John,' Papa continued as he took a step back from Christopher. 'You have made my daughter more happy than she would have ever been married to one of the aristocrats we had been trying to fix her with. I'm sure you understand, being a father yourself now how important it is that your children are happy.' _

_'Anna and Christopher's happiness are my primary concern, My Lord,' John replied before being interrupted as Papa cleared his throat to indicate something was amiss. 'I mean, Oliver.' _

_John afforded me one of his beautiful smiles then as he looked over at me. We both shared a knowing look before John looked at my father again. 'Would you like to hold him?' _

_Papa looked absolutely flummoxed as John moved closer to him with Christopher. 'Me?' _

_John nodded. 'You are the only Smith who has yet to hold him.' _

_'I haven't since Anna was a baby.' _

_Papa looked to Mama as he did in all situations, to garner her opinion as to if what he was about to do was acceptable. The smile which Mama had on her face simply wouldn't vanish as she nodded at him. _

_'Alright,' Papa said before laughing a little. John carefully passed him over, causing myself and Mama to chuckle ourselves at the awkwardness of two rather clumsy men exchanging hands with a baby. _

_'You don't have to be so careful,' I instructed as John left the two of them to become acquainted. 'He isn't a new born anymore.' _

_We all looked on as Papa gently cradled Christopher in his arms. He had Christopher's undivided attention as he chatted away to him. This was the moment I had been waiting for. The moment when John, the love of my life, was properly accepted into my family, when my Papa would meet my child. My Mama and my brother by my side as well, happy sounds of laughter filling the air. _

_It was worth the wait. _

**~0~**

Back at the cottage that night, I contemplated the day I had just experienced as Anna put Christopher down to bed. The wedding had passed off without a glitch. The sun shined beautifully as guests celebrated under the gazebo's on the front lawn at the house after the ceremony in the church. Christopher had been so contented as we sat and watched Michael and Natalie become man and wife. It was almost as if he knew how special the day was, not only for the reason of two people in love becoming one. I had become one of the family that day. Seeing Anna so happy was wonderful enough, but to have the respect of the man I respected so highly, and had ever since we had been comrades, was overwhelming. I was complete.

However, Anna's Mama and her condition couldn't be ignored. Spending so much time with her as we were today, even the simplest of tasks such as raising a glass to her lips was becoming tiring.

I sat and chatted with her as Anna introduced Christopher to all her old acquaintances. My experiences of Vera's mother in law were so different in comparison to my relationship with Victoria. We seemed to be able to talk to each other with relative ease. I will never forget the conversation we shared as I replayed it over in my mind.

'You are a wonderful man, John Bates,' she said breathlessly.

'Really, how so?' I replied.

'Stop being so modest,' she said playfully before closing her eyes. She took in a few deep breaths before continuing. 'You saved my husbands life. I would have missed out on so much if you hadn't put his safety before your own.'

'He would have done the same thing.' I shrugged as memories of that day flooded my mind. 'Besides, he had you waiting at home. And Michael. And you were expecting Anna at the time...' I stop and think as the age gap which evaporated when I was with Anna played on my conscience.

She knows as she rests her hand on mine. 'Age is nothing, John. Love doesn't recognise it. You and Anna were meant for each other, seeing you together today. Everyone knows it. And now my husband has stopped being a stubborn fool, he can see it too.'

I looked across at Anna then. She looked so contented as she watched Natalie hold Christopher in her arms, her own arms wrapped around her brother's waist as he draped his around her shoulders. Victoria was watching her children. Taking in her features, it was clear she had drifted away to another place as her gaze became distant, like she was almost looking straight through Anna and Michael.

She raised her hand to rest it on mine once again. 'When I'm gone...'

'Sssh,' I whispered, interrupting her. 'We don't need to think about that today.'

'No, listen to me John.' She insisted. I sighed as she re composed herself and began to speak. 'When I'm gone, promise me you will look after them.'

'Of course I will. Anna and Christopher are the centre of my universe, nothing else matters...'

'Not just them.' Victoria said, squeezing my wrist. 'Natalie will look after Michael, she has already assured me of that. They've decided they'll live in York in a house Natalie's father owns. Oliver will be alone.'

'You want me to look after Oliver?' I replied, slightly puzzled as to what I could possibly offer the Earl of Grantham.

'Just be there for him.' Victoria said softly. 'Let him seek some comfort in having Anna and Christopher near. He told me you're the only person he has ever been able to confide in apart from me. Be that person for him.'

I nodded as I contemplated her words. 'I'll do my best.'

My thoughts of earlier were interrupted as I felt Anna's hands on my shoulders.

'You coming to bed?' She asked, her hands running further down my body to rest on my chest. I closed my eyes as I registered the feel of her breath, warm on my neck.

'Christopher asleep?' I asked, placing a hand over one of Anna's.

'Yes,' she replied as she came around to the front of my armchair. Taking her by surprise, I pulled her down into my lap. She giggled as I tickled her ribs. 'Stop it,' she gasped, grabbing both of my hands, stilling my movements.

'Did you enjoy today?' I asked, wrapping my arms around her waist and resting my head on her shoulder.

'Yes,' Anna said as she kissed my temple. 'I'm so happy John. I just wish...' She stopped talking suddenly. Resting her forehead gently against mine she sighed before continuing. 'You know what I wish.'

'Anna, you know I can't promise that everything is going to be alright. The only thing I can promise is that I will be here for you. For the rest of my life, I don't ever see a day where I won't be.'


	19. Chapter 19

_The last chapter. Ties things up nicely. Thanks to all those who stuck with this story. I am planning to try my hand at a modern Bates/Anna fiction. I have a few idea floatin around, one involving Mary and Matthew aswell. Watch this space. _

_As always, Bates in normal font, Anna in italics. _

_**r**_- Nothing belongs to me, all characters belong to Julian Fellowes.

* * *

_Then it happened. _

_It was a few days after Michael's wedding. I was sitting in the living room, playing with Christopher whilst John, who had a managed to get the fortnight surrounding Michael's nuptials off from the pub, was in the garden. _

_A knock in the door interrupted a truly wonderful game of tickling, Christopher laughing as I had never seen him do before. Getting to my feet, I was shocked to see my father standing on the doorstep. Under his hat, his face was tear stained, his whole appearance was a shade of grey. _

_'Papa?' I whispered, although in the back of my mind I knew what had happened. _

_'My Darling,' he gasped, taking hold of my hand. 'She's gone.'_

_'I would have organised a telegram, I just had things to sort out at the house and I had to be with her.' Papa explained. 'You know, until she was taken.' _

_Tears had overtaken me on the doorstep before Papa had taken me under his arm and lead me to the front room where a gurgling Christopher lay. We were now sitting on the sofa, he holding his grandson on his knee as I tried to take the news in. _

_'Where's John?' Papa asks then. _

_'Oh, John,' I exclaim standing up and looking outside to see him in the garden but finding it empty. 'He was gardening.' _

_'Anna, I might pop out and...' John stops talking when he sees my father and stops in the doorway to the living room. 'Oh, hello Oliver.' _

_'John,' Papa replies with a nod of the head. _

_John is looking at me, the despair in my face must be showing as he frowns a little. Suddenly, a look of realisation comes over his face as he moves towards me. _

_'I'm so sorry.' John sighed as he pulled me into my embrace. 'And you Oliver. You have my sincerest condolences.' _

_'Thank you,' Papa said weakly. _

_'Was it peaceful?' I uttered as I pulled away from John. _

_Papa looked at Christopher as he spoke. 'She was talking about you and Michael a lot last night. Talking like you were still little. She was telling me you mustn't be late for your riding lesson, and that Michael's Latin tutor should be more strict with him.' Papa began to chuckle. 'Then she just faded in and out of consciousness. Until a few minutes before the end. I held her hand in mine. She was looking me straight in the eye. And smiling. She began to talk like she was living in the present day again.' Papa broke down then, bowing his head as Christopher was drifting to sleep in his arms. 'She told me she loved me. And her children and how she wished they could be near her. And how she couldn't have wished for better people for our children than John and Natalie. Then she said the most bizarre thing. I can't imagine why she was thinking about this particular thing at that time.'_

_'What was that, Papa?' I asked, sitting beside him on the sofa. _

_'She mentioned the house we own. In the village. Grantham Place.' _

_'Yes, Uncle James lived there until he and his family moved to Scotland.' I replied, remembering the property in question. 'I naturally assumed Michael and Natalie would move there when they returned from honeymoon.' _

_Papa shook his head. 'That's what makes it so strange. Michael and Natalie will be living in Ripon when they return, her father owns a string of properties across Yorkshire and offered them one.' Papa began to laugh again. 'Proof yet again that Smith men are easily under the thumb. Anyway, your Mama told me that one of the bedrooms would make a lovely nursery.'_

_'That is strange.' I agree before looking up at John who was staring at Papa intently, arms folded. _

_'I have been thinking about it all morning, you see,' Papa continued. 'And it suddenly began to make sense. She wished her children were nearer her. One of the rooms would make a wonderful nursery. Then I instantly thought of you. And Christopher. And it all fell into place.' _

_John moved to the armchair beside Papa and sat down. 'What fell into place, exactly?' _

_'That the two of you should move into Grantham Place.' Papa replied. 'We own it. You would both want for nothing. John, you wouldn't have to be a barman any longer. You would be near me and Downton, just like your Mama wanted.' _

_Silence fell across the room as we contemplated what Papa was offering. He bowed down and kissed Christopher on the forehead before passing him over to me. _

_'I know it's a lot to take in after the actual reason for my visit,' Papa began as he carefully extricated his arm from underneath Christopher. 'We have been expecting this day but still it doesn't make it any easier when it arrives. We all need time to grieve.' He stood then, John rising as well. 'I know we probably won't feel much like eating, but I'd be delighted if the three of you would join me for luncheon tomorrow.'_

_'Of course, Papa,' I replied, following the two of them to the front door, Christopher still in my arms. 'Until then.' _

* * *

We went for luncheon the next day at Downton. The house was, as to be expected, in deep mourning for the Lady of the house. Not much was eaten, the situation and reasoning behind our meeting meaning food wasn't high in our priorities. Oliver was serious about us moving into Grantham Place, in the centre of the village. Whilst in his company, I couldn't really gauge Anna's feelings on her father's suggestion. She seemed keen. Whether this was to save face, I don't know.

My opinions on the matter I kept to myself. For the time being anyway. It wasn't that I wasn't grateful to Oliver. I fully intended to keep my promise to Victoria and be a confidant to him. It was just that our cottage in Kirbymoorside was ours. Just mine and Anna's. We had carved this little piece of heaven for ourselves and Christopher. Moving back to Downton would change everything, especially Grantham Place. Servants would be required, Anna wouldn't be able to keep on top of the upkeep of the place herself.

And what about my job? Oliver had said in no uncertain terms I wouldn't need to remain at the pub. But I wanted to. Many arguments I had had with Anna over the subject. I was a working man. It was who I was. If I didn't work, be made to feel useful, it would break my heart.

It was arranged that the funeral would be Friday, and Oliver had requested we give him our decision then. Myself and Anna had some tough talking to do. I was reluctant to have this sort of conversation with her, especially at this time in her life but things needed to be said.

* * *

_Thursday evening arrived and myself and John still hadn't really spoken about Papa's proposal. I knew him. He didn't want to move back to Downton. He was happy where we were. And so was I. But with Mama's passing, I was realising how much my parents meant to me. She was never coming back, but Papa was still here. Still a relatively young man. Trying to visit him from Kirbymoorside would involve two buses or the services of a chauffeur. Living in the village would mean Papa was a short walk away. I wanted that. The security of him being a stroll away. Especially seeing as Michael would be in York. _

_Walking downstairs after settling Christopher for the night, I saw John in his armchair, reading. He turned to see me, a smile spreading across his lips. 'Is he off?' _

_I nod as I sit on the sofa beside his chair. He watched my every move as he closes his book and places it on the arm beside him. Leaning forward, he rests his elbows on his knees and rubs his hands together. 'Anna...' _

_'We need to talk about Papa's offer,' I finish his sentence. He stills his hands. _

_'Yes,' he nods with a slight smirk. 'How do you feel about it?' _

_'Honestly?' I respond. _

_'I would hope you were always honest with me, Anna.' _

_I breathe in deeply as I consider what to say next. 'I want to be closer to Papa, John. I want to move back to Downton.' He nods at my admission, like he was expecting it. I push for his views on the subject. 'How do you feel about it?' _

_He locks his gaze with mine then. 'You know causing friction between us is the last thing I want. Especially with what tomorrow is going to bring.'_

_'But you want to stay here?' I interrupt. He simply nods once again. _

_'I know this cottage has come to symbolise what we have built together. But can I ask why you won't move back to Downton?' _

_Letting out a sigh, he comes to sit beside me on the sofa. 'It's not the cottage. When it comes down to it, it's just a building. It means nothing to me like Downton does to your family. It's the fact of your father wanting me to give up the pub.' _

_'The estate would pay for the upkeep of the house, John,' I explain. 'In the end, we needed the money your job brings for this place.' _

_'But it's not about the money.' John almost shouted, standing up in frustration. 'You knew the main reasons behind finding myself a job was to uphold my self worth.' _

_'We are never going to agree on this are we?' I replied, resting my head in my hands. _

_John's demeanour softened then as he walked back towards me. He knelt in front of me. Taking hold of my hands, he kissed them softly, running something over in his mind before speaking. 'I'm sorry. I'm putting myself first when your happiness means so much more to me. Lets go. Back to Downton.' _

_'Do you mean it?' I reply, tears now escaping me as his words sink in. 'What about the job?' _

_'Charlie will fully understand. I have time to work on your father, get him to relent to my having an occupation.'_

_'Thank you,' I gasp, bringing his hands to my lips and kissing them. 'I love you so much.' _

* * *

Arriving at the church, I stood back with Christopher as Anna approached her father and brother. It was good to see Michael there. He and his new wife had cut their honeymooning short to come home. Holding Christopher, I looked on as their father and his children grieved the loss of their wife and mother together for the first time. It was heartbreaking. She had been their rock, their cornerstone. Gathered outside the church as this scene unfolded, her coffin beside them, Natalie gravitated towards me.

'Hello John,' she whispered as she reached myself and Christopher. 'Such a sad day.'

'It is that,' I agreed.

'How is the little chap?' She asked, peeking inside the blanket that Christopher was enveloped in.

'He's wonderful,' I replied. 'One of the best things to ever happen to me.'

'I bet,' Natalie smiled. 'As Michael is to me. It's been such a hard time for him. For all of them.'

'Yes,' I nodded before letting out a sigh. 'I'd do anything to change this for Anna. For all of them.'

The reverend appeared, gesturing that he was ready to begin. Anna walked towards me then, her face grief stricken. Oliver and Michael were pall bearers, along with Anna's cousins and, at Mama's request, Mr Carson. Asking Natalie if she would take Christopher, she obliged as Anna reached us. Holding my arms out for her, she collapsed into them as Victoria began her final journey. Natalie walked in ahead with Christopher in her arms as I helped Anna inside.

* * *

_The ceremony was a fitting tribute to my Mama. We laughed, we cried but most of all we remembered a wonderful woman. Papa read the eulogy, a beautiful speech about the woman he deemed his one true love. John was a tower of strength. I couldn't have asked for more. It's in times like these that we realise who we can depend on, we realise who matters. And that was John for me. Along with Christopher, he was my whole world. _

_Back at the house, Papa was saying goodbye to the last of the guests to leave before asking us all, Michael and Natalie included to wait in his library. I knew it was to speak about his proposal. John perused the bookshelves as the rest of us sat down. _

_'He's asked you to move into Grantham Place?' Michael asked as one of the footmen served us some tea. _

_'Yes,' I replied, looking at Christopher who was asleep in his carriage beside me. 'Mama's idea apparently. Now you both will be in York.' _

_Papa entered the room then, patting John on the shoulder as he walked past. 'I am glad you are all here.' _

_'Of course we are here, Papa,' Michael replied, standing to greet our father. _

_He nodded as he acknowledged my brothers words. Walking to his desk, he stopped to look out of the window. He began to speak. 'Anna, John, Have you considered my offer?'_

_'Yes Oliver,' John began. 'We have decided that..' _

_Suddenly, I realised what John up for me. I loved him too much to ask him to do it. I had to do something. _

_'We'll only move here if John can keep his job,' I interrupted. John looked at me dumbstruck as Papa turned to face me. _

_'At the pub?' Papa said weakly before turning his attentions to John. _

_'That isn't what we agreed,' John said, narrowing his gaze at me, a frown on his brow. _

_'John needs to feel useful,' I explained. 'It's important for him to work.' _

_'Yes, I understand that. I claim to know John better than many,' Papa replied. 'You see, John, I intended to involve you on the running of the estate.' _

_'Running Downton?' John said, the puzzled look on his face now in the direction of my father. _

_'Yes,' Michael said, now revealing he knew more than he let on. 'Now I'll be in York, I have a job with Natalie's father in property development. I won't have time to help out here.' _

_I couldn't believe my ears. Papa wanted my husband to help out in the running of the estate he held so dear and that I loved so much. The man only a few months ago he wished to never see again. John's eyes met mine. I was relieved to see him smile. _

_'How about it, John?' Papa asked. 'How would you like to be Estate Manager here at Downton?'_

_'It's totally unexpected but I'd like it very much, Oliver.' John answered. 'Very much indeed.' _

_'Michael will stick around a bit longer to show you the ropes,' Papa began as he walked towards John. 'But I'm sure you'll pick it up in no time.' _

_'Thank you, sir,' John said as he shook Papa's hand. He looked at me. 'Is that alright with you?' _

_'More than alright,' I smiled. 'It's perfect.' _

* * *

**2 Years Later**

The doorbell rang. I answered the door myself. Insisting on having limited staff when we initially moved in to Grantham Place, we only required a cook and a maid, Anna insisting on Eleanor who also acted as her Ladies Maid. Christopher followed me, the events of the day causing him to act a little nervously.

'Hello John.' It was Oliver. He turned his attentions to Christopher. 'And hello chap.'

Christopher held his arms up to this familiar face. Oliver obliged, lifting his grandson into his arms as I closed the front door behind them. Walking through to the living room, I rang the bell for Eleanor. She appeared quickly.

'Yes Mr Bates,' she said shyly, clearly daunted by Oliver's presence. It didn't feel right for the staff to call me sir. Mr Bates would suffice.

'Yes Eleanor, could we have some tea please?' I replied with a smile.

'How is Anna?' Oliver called after Eleanor as she left the room. She returned.

'She's fine, My Lord,' Eleanor said sweetly. 'The nurse is with the baby at the moment, checking her over whilst Lady Anna sleeps.'

Oliver nodded and smiled as Eleanor made her exit. 'So it all went well?'

'Yes, thank Goodness.' I replied as Christopher scrambled on the chair behind me. 'This one slept through it all. I wasn't so lucky. The baby is beautiful. Well, look at her mother. Did we expect anything less?'

'No, I suppose not,' Oliver laughed as he leant back in his chair. 'How did Christopher take to his sister?'

'He didn't really understand,' I replied, looking at him behind me. 'Just wanted a cuddle with his Mummy.'

'Bless him,' Oliver smiled before his face turned serious. 'Now, I don't want you coming back to work any sooner than a week.'

'No sir,' I sighed.

'Because Anna will need you here. And Christopher will need you too. I remember when Anna was born. I couldn't do enough for Victoria or Michael. It's in these times when you realise how much people depend on you.'

'Mr Bates,' the nurse said as she appeared at the door. 'Anna is asking to see you all. She is awake and heard your voices.'

'Brilliant,' Oliver beamed, standing up. I did so too, taking my son into my arms.

'Will you let Eleanor know we will have the tea when we return?' I asked the maid as I followed Oliver.

* * *

_Holding my daughter in my arms, I smiled as she gave a little sigh. She was so small, so precious. I was immediately thinking of when I held Christopher for the first time. How I was feeling then was different to now. I was scared, uncertain of what lay ahead. Now I knew and I couldn't wait to watch her grow. Hearing footsteps from the hall, I looked up at the door when it was knocked upon. _

_'Come in,' I said, although not too loudly as to disturb the baby. _

_The door carefully opened to reveal my Papa, smiling proudly as he approached the bed. John and Christopher appeared after him, Christopher clinging on tightly to his father. _

_'My darling,' Papa exclaimed, reaching down and kissing me on the head. 'How are you?' _

_'Tired,' I replied before smiling at John. 'But so happy.' _

_'Good,' Papa said as he sat beside me. He peered closely at the baby in my arms. 'She's beautiful.' _

_'Just like her Mummy,' John interrupted before affording me one of his most beautiful smiles. _

_'Would you like to hold your granddaughter?' I asked Papa who was now stroking the soft black hair on her head. _

_'Can I?' he asked. _

_'Of course,' I said, shifting from my position to pass her carefully to Papa. John put Christopher on the bed then. He instantly clambered into my arms and I pulled him into my embrace. John sat on the opposite side of the bed from Papa and took my hand in his. 'I love you.' _

_'I love you too,' he said softly, squeezing my hand._

_'Hello little darling,' Papa cooed, kissing her gently on the head. _

_'Papa, meet your Granddaughter. Victoria...' _


End file.
